A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for a few months now. Everytime we shedule a date something happens and we have to cancel. I'm beginning to think that maybe he's gay and he's just going through the motions of dating me but doesn't really want to do it.The first time, we planned to go to a movie. It was on father's day but I figured he would know if he was available (he has two sons who live out of state). The day comes and he can't make it because he has to spend time with his nephew and father. That's understandable. So we made another date for the next Wednesday. Wednesday comes and he cancels because his son is coming to town that day and he wants to spend time with him. The next date we made he cancelled because he wasn't feeling well--food poisoning. But this last episode was the killer. We were supposed to go to out to eat around 6pm (he wanted to have an early dinner because he had a fight to watch around 8 or 9pm). I call him around 5pm and he says he's with some friends of his who were out shopping at a mall that was at least 60 miles away!!!Why would he even go with them if he knows he has a 6pm date to keep, not to mention his precious fight to watch? It seems like he purposely makes dates for times that he knows he won't be available, so that it will be easy for him to cancel. The only reason I've hung in this long is because I know him from childhood, and I know he's a good person. But at this point, I'm ready to give up on him. Sorry this post is so long. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): There is a great book out there ':He is not just that into you" Read it, you will find your guy's profile in there. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for taking the time out to respond. I've come to believe that either he's really gay and in denial or he suffers from some kind of dating social anxiety. For some reason, I just don't believe that it's another woman. I can't explain why--that just doesn't FEEL like the problem. I've tried to let the whole thing go a few times, and then he'd call me and tell me his busy schedule is the reason things have worked out the way they have and he'll change. He does have a busy schedule but I know that people find the time to do the things they really want to do.
But at this point it really doesn't matter. I have decided to give up on him. It's just too exhausting trying to figure him out.lol
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 Sorry: I think you should give up. He always seems to find that other people or other things are more important than you. You're not the whole world, but you deserve attention, too.
You're wrong: he doesn't make dates for times when he won't be available. He makes a date anytime, but is not willing to see you and then finds something else to do.
I say, you deserve better. Leave him now. Just don't tell him you will.
I don't see why you should suspect he's gay. He's just not into you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I would call him out on it ( if you havent done so already). If you put up with second-rate behavior, thats all you will get. I know it's hard to take a stand like that with someone you care about, but you deserve better. It sounds like he may have someone else, and he is just keeping you around as a backup. Either way -- get to the bottom of it by being direct with him. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Hobbit22 +, writes (10 November 2008):
 This person does NOT KNOW what they want. You don't have time for that kind of non sense, effort and energy do you??
Quit contacting him and see if he comes around to YOU, to prove to yourself that he has not just been simply trying to 'shake you' off of him.
Nevertheless, from what you claim he does NOT KNOW what he wants where you're involved with his time; otherwise he'd make the time to be with you, or include you in his other activites-like the mall. Let it go...who needs an unreliable friend etc...you can never count on him for anything where you're concerned, and he proves it to you time and time again.
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A
female
reader, Hobbit22 +, writes (10 November 2008):
This person does NOT KNOW what they want. You don't have time for that kind of non sense, effort and energy do you??
Quit contacting him and see if he comes around to YOU, to prove to yourself that he has not just been simply trying to 'shake you' off of him.
Nevertheless, from what you claim he does NOT KNOW what he wants where you're involved with his time; otherwise he'd make the time to be with you, or include you in his other activites-like the mall. Let it go...who needs an unreliable friend etc...you can never count on him for anything where you're concerned, and he proves it to you time and time again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): It seems to me, there must be other reasons you think he's gay. If I was in a situation like that, my first thought would be...he seeing another woman...I don't quite understand the "gay implication" But, if you suspect he is gay, you must have reasons...go with your gut. I find 9 times out of 10, my gut is accurate!
Hope I've been of help...good luck!
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A
female
reader, Analdia +, writes (10 November 2008):
 he probably is gay. gay men do hide from women. he probably is thinking about you in that way. like maybe if he wasn't gay he would consider you but he is gay so he doesn't know how to tell you. but on the other hand maybe he is not gay and maybe telling the truth. but if a man really wants to take you out he will find a way to get through to you. he really wouldn't make plans or anything like that. he would be more into it than you. he would always mention it. so it sounds like he might be gay. but he might not be.
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