A
female
age
41-50,
*illary30
writes:Hi all,Happy Holidays everyone. I haven't written on here in quite some time, and well of course it's regarding my boyfriend and the cheating matter. I've just come back from my holiday which was away from him for about 12 days. He did some travelling and went to his hometown and saw some friends, including girls. I was a little bit curious when I saw his chat open, and decided to see what he was writing to this girl from his hometown. He basically wrote to her, hey it's me, I'm talking to my gf (that's me) and she said ok. Then he said I'm going to sleep, and out of nowhere, she sends him a link to a porn site!!! I was shocked when I saw this and I really don't understand what it means. I at first thought maybe it was one of his good female friends giving him tips on a new sexual position with me and I guess that's a possibility but I'm not sure. What are people's take on this situation?P.S. We've been doing really well the last while with very little arguments!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 I send my guy friends porn links and they will send the same to me... I am also friends with their wives and girlfriends and will also send sex stuff to them.
I think your overreacting and need to calm down and learn to relax and just enjoy yourself. Men who want to have affairs don't say "I'm talking to my gf", they don't mention you at all.
How much fun can you be having when you worry about everything he does?
A
female
reader, Hillary30 +, writes (1 January 2011):
Hillary30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all,
Thanks for the advice. I guess I'm really concerned because I just don't want to be in a relationship where I don't fully trust him. I trust that he would never intend to hurt me, and he says this over and over again. But as many of you say, there are many jerks out there and it happens. So what do I do - be overly cautious all the time, and constantly be checking his phone for evidence? How healthy a relationship is that?
I love him, and it would be easy to say just break it off, and save yourself the trouble. But easier said than done.
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A
female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Miss Hillary,
Just watch the phone. Things such as, texting. I don't want to add to your fear, but I thought the same with my ex, we were having sex 4 times a week (great sex) the girl was from his home state. We were in Colorado his home state Washington and then he took a job back in Washington and for the last 4 months was cheating with this girl. The whole time saying he loved me still wanted to have a relationship with me. And the guy who offered advice and said he would deny it, is right. I caught him talking to her a half an hour before he was to get on a plane and go home. (Dumb ass). And he tried to deny it the entire time. Just keep your eyes open and trust your gut. Follow through on any suspicions and make it known that you don't except it. (If I were you....and this is somewhat mean spirited, but might make him think twice, is if you are watching television or having a conversation I would bring up the fact if you thought someone was cheating on you, you would hire a detective and expose him) I wish you luck sweetie. Keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, Hillary30 +, writes (1 January 2011):
Hillary30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
Well last night was our New Years celebration and it went rather well other than him getting a bit too drunk, and me not liking all of his behaviour. And in terms of the porn link, this girl who I think sent it to him has a bf. And it's actually one of his friends. And on top of that, if it's the same girl, I've met her! Maybe it's innocent, and she could be giving him tips on new positions to have with me?
But all of you are right - I will keep a close eye on him. One other thing to note, is that he doesn't even live in the same city as this girl - she lives in his hometown, and he only goes there on his own a couple times in the year or something.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (1 January 2011):
as a male
if a woman sent me a PORN LINK
i would assume that she wants to have sex with me
because there are millions of ways to teach sexual positions with out sending porn links
infact if a woman was concerened about my sexual behaviour i would wonder why is she concerned ?
usual female friends rarely ever do such things
imho
keep silent and watch his behaviour
because if you blowed this story up with him he well deny it
and he would be more secure and catious about his email next time so you wont catch him
p.s he might not has started any thing serious with girl
but i assure you she has him in her head so take care
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A
female
reader, Secretlife  +, writes (1 January 2011):
He could be cheating. Or he might just like watchn porn. I think you should watch him closely for sign of him cheating
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A
female
reader, Hillary30 +, writes (31 December 2010):
Hillary30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBtw everyone, we still regularly have sex since I have come back as well. I think this is a good sign no?
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A
female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (31 December 2010):
I wouldn't jump to conclusions. I have sent guy friends links (strictly as a hope this helps kind of thing). I would ask him if he would want to watch it together and see what he does. But try to hold off on the cheating speculation.
I know its difficult, but until you know for sure, its not worth the stress.
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