A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is just a quick one so you guys can help see my bf that he is over reacting.We've been going out for just over 1 year and we are very much in love. at the start of the relationship we did everything that we could possibly do both socially and sexually. so in the bedroom we done lots of stuff, including me giving him blowjobs. however, after a couple of months he said that if i didnt want to i didnt have to as he felt as if it was disrespectful. i don't mind doing it but, yeah i stopped giving them to him. Now though he is upset with me because he found me giving a blowjob to another man. he says i cheated but i dont understand how he can say that when i dont give them to him. i didnt even kiss or sleep with the guy. if i did those things that would be cheating. Please will you guys tell me how to tell my boyfriend that this isn't cheating because he is getting himself so worked up about this...thanks
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 June 2014):
 Well the problem is solved and everyone is happy. So ends one of the dumbest questions that ever showed up at DC.
A
female
reader, eyeamnicegirl +, writes (29 June 2014):
 I've never heard a more ignorant question. If you are dating someone and you give a blowjob to someone else, then yes, it is cheating. Anything you do with someone that is typically associated with the territory of a "romance" -- holding hands, kissing, hugging, getting felt up, etc. -- is considered "cheating" if you do such a thing with Guy A while supposedly dating Guy B. I know our world has become very liberal, and even amoral, but the basics still haven't changed any.
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A
female
reader, KristenUSA +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Did you and your bf agree to be exclusive (no one else in the relationship)? If you agreed to be exclusive, then it is cheating. I know what it can be like, wanting to do things with another guy sometimes. It can be fun to mix things up sometimes with a different guy. But in all fairness, you need to set the ground rules in any relationship as to what both of you can and can not do.
How did things eventually work out?
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A
female
reader, Fklove00 +, writes (27 October 2012):
Deff. Cheated. I know my babydaddy wouldn't want to kiss me after my lips been on another's mans penis.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): This reminds me of the rumor about how BJs had become so inconsequential to young people that a BJ was almost like just saying 'hi' or 'bye'.
OP, I'm curious, did your BF say he is now okay with you giving BJs to other guys?
I'll bet that you are hotter than your BF and he just didn't want to lose you so he apologized.
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A
female
reader, CupidsDaughter +, writes (23 October 2012):
 If its not okay with him...then you are in fact cheating. Now, you need to own up to it, and beg for his forgiveness or find someone who thinks the way you do...if any.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Just ask him permission next time, and then if it's okay and not cheating he will tell you to go ahead with it. No worries.
But to everyone else: yes, this is cheating. Anything you can't tell your partner is cheating. If, however, you can tell them and they are OK with it, it is not cheating. That is the definition.
Since you didn't tell him, and he wasn't okay with it, it was cheating. But maybe from now on he will accept that you do this, and if he is OK with it then it is not cheating.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 October 2012):
 So him going down on another woman is just oral sex and is ok in your book?
IF so, then you guys have an open relationship with some rules..(for example Oral is ok but no kissing and no intercourse)….
If it works for you GREAT.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Hi
Well if he's ok with it then you will have to be ok when he's with another woman and you catch him.Works both ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): Lol 'TasteofIndia, my initial thoughts.
Well I'm sorry but if you both can't see that what you did WAS cheat, then I guess you're both as bad as each other, and he deserves to be cheated on again and again because he just doesn't have enough back bone or self respect to walk away from a cheat who thinks its ok and acceptable to cheat.
I understand that people deserve a second chance, and cheating ONCE is forgivable in some cases, but ONLY if the cheater owns responsibility for the mistake, and is genuinely and sincerely sorry and vow NOT to do it again.
You on the other hand, have just made him come to accept your way of thinking, which is that its ok to cheat, and his reaction to your cheating was wrong.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Then clearly, you two are perfect for each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can see where you guys are coming from but you're wrong. i done something that totally shouldnt have affected our relationship. it was just a blowjob, and he doesnt even want them anyway. tbh it doesnt matter now cos ive spoke to my boyfriend and he has apologised to me for over reacting and we are better than ever
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Thats cheating. Hands down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 October 2012):
 You cheated and that fact that you don't even seem capable to comprehend that would make me guess you need to GROW a set of morals
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): I am betting that after her boyfriend told her she didn't have to give him a BJ that she took it that she was no good so she went and gave some guy one so that some day she could come back and say." well I gave so and so a BJ and he loved it."
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2012):
OP you really need to work on what you define as a relationship.In my relationships ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner is cheating...IF you and your bf had an agreement to be monogamous and you gave another random guy a blow job, well then YES it's cheating... unless you went to him first and GOT PERMISSION to do it PRIOR to attempting the act...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): OP, if you don't understand that what you did WAS cheating, then you don't understand what relationships are about, hence you shouldn't be in one!
Your bf is NOT overreacting, and what you did WAS cheating.
You tell me you would be happy to find your bf giving another woman oral sex?
I don't think you would be very happy about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): I bitterly resent my ex boyfriend for using porn when in a relationship, so yes that is cheating.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (20 October 2012):
 How can you believe than giving someone else a blowjob is more accepted that a kiss??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): I was shocked how can you do this to your bf and think this is ok and not feel guilty(if you love him) ok good luck
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male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (20 October 2012):
 You are definitely a cheat, what you did Is equally as bad, so what If you didn't kiss or have sex, you still had another Man's penis in your mouth, if I was your boyfriend I would dump you in an instant, although he's crazy in the first place for turning down blowjobs lol. you need to wake up and realise what you've done, and beg forgiveness if you want to save this relationship, If givin blowjobs is something you really want to do tell your bf that you love doing it for him and you don't find it degrading at all
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): Unless you had both agreed to be in an open relationship, what you did was cheating. Your partner has every right to feel distressed and betrayed, having discovered you performing oral sex on someone else. Sexual acts with a third party, outside of a committed, EXCLUSIVE relationship are regarded as cheating. I am surprised you dont understand that.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): I think your bf has the right to be angry but then it is his fault not letting you give him bj's. obviously you like giving bj's and you don't find it degrading. incidently I also don't consider oral sex between 2 lovers degrading but yes it is cheating coz it is called oral sex.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 October 2012):
 Dont try to get out of this on a technicality. You cheated. Performing a sex act on a man is cheating and oral sex IS a sex act. How would you have felt about this if you found out that your boyfriend was going down on another woman? Do you think that's excusable in a committed relationship where you are apparently "very much in love"?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 October 2012):
 You cheated.
Aunt Honesty asked a good question. How would you feel if your boyfriend were giving another woman oral sex?
How would you feel if you caught him with another woman's mouth wrapped around his penis?
Would you laugh it off because he wasn't cheating on you if it wasn't "intercourse"??
Most women I know get upset if they would so much as see their boyfriend kissing another woman. Many would have a problem with their men ogling or groping another woman.
You also mentioned that you felt justified because you told you he didn't want you to do it to him.
Well, what if he wanted anal sex from you, or to give you a "golden shower", or to participate in BDSM, you tell him you're not comfortable, so he felt justified to find that somewhere else?
You must understand -- a relationship is about both people, not a menu of sexual self-gratification. You don't go to another restaurant if you want something your partner isn't comfortable with.
You cheated. Don't waste your breath or your justifications or your verbal semantics trying to argue that you didn't. You cheated just as sure as if the other man had intercourse with you.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (20 October 2012):
 How can you say that you are so in love with your boyfriend, and then perform a sex act on a other man?
Just because you're not giving blow-jobs to your boyfriend, doesn't mean that it's OK to give them to someone else. Not only is it cheating, it sends a clear message to your boyfriend that he is not good enough for a blow-job from you, but another man is.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 October 2012):
Ofcourse it's cheating. You were doing A LOT worse than kissing. You didn't sleep with him?So you just gave some other random guy a BJ - just like that? And your boyfriend found you doing it?You need to learn an awful lot about acceptable behaviour and self respect......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): It is cheating definitely..I agree with everyone else below me..I feel extremely bad for you bf
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 October 2012):
Clinton was the perfect example. In the court of law it was determined that a BJ is cheating. It's third base because it's 3/4th most intimate you can get. It's called oral SEX because it is a form of sex. You can get just as many STI's from oral sex as penetrative sex.
Sorry sweetie, I'm with your fella too.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 October 2012):
 A dozen or so years ago a certain president of the United States swore he "did not have sex with that woman" after it was discovered that an intern was giving him bjs. A very clear consensus emerged that bjs were definitely "having sex". Sorry, I'm with your b/f on this one.
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A
female
reader, iargwath +, writes (20 October 2012):
 I'm afraid I'll have to side with the boyfriend about this one too. You've definitely crossed the boundaries of trust into cheating terrain with what you did. He clearly told you that the reason for him not wanting you to perform oral sex was that he found it degrading for you. He was thinking about what he felt was best for you.
But your response to this was...Perform the same act on somebody else? I'm not sure how you've convinced yourself that this is a logical thing to do, because as far as I'm concerned its unfair on your boyfriend. I'm sorry.
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female
reader, xAx +, writes (20 October 2012):
 when you're in a relationship, anything sexual/intimate with someone else is cheating. your reason doesn't make sense. you need to understand what being in a relationship is before you get into one. a good relationship only involves 2 people, emotionally and physically, where they both trust, love, and respect eachother. do you think you give that to him? you think sucking someone else off for their sexual pleasure is not cheating?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2012):
 You my friend are deluded. Off course it is cheating. how could it not be? He said you did not have to give him oral sex if you did not want to and then he found you with another man giving him a blow job. Honestly you do not think this is a big deal or that you are not cheating? Do you not feel cheap and dirty doing this to another man when you are meant to be in love with your boyfriend? That kind of behaviour is disgusting.
If you walked in to a room and there was a girl lying there naked and your boyfriends head was in between her two legs you would think that this behaviour was okay? If you would then I don't think you should be in this relationship. In fact I think you are to immature to be in a relationship at the moment anyway. I feel sorry for your poor boyfriend.
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