A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've just starting going out with a great girl, we are both 22, but recently found out that she has had 12 sexual partners, I didn't take the news well, she has only had 1 one night stand in her past but I am still concerned that she sounds slutty or is it me being a silly?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Yes it does matter unfortunately. I've been dating someone for a half a year and I really care for her. The one problem is that before me she had a past.
She was celibate until 21 and then had 12 partners in 4 years. When I found that out it made me sick to my stomach. I've had four partners. She blames it on depression and other life impacting events that were traumatic along with a strict upbringing but the bottom line is...
1. It cheapens the intimacy we have now. I feel like one of 13 now who has shared such a sacred experience with her.
2. It makes me regret being selective bc it seems a lot of women are like this and i'll never marry a women who's had double digit partners and TWO one night stands. I feel like I have to go F#@! 9 more women so were on equal footing.
3. I'm not the biggest guy with respect to that so it bothers me that she's had a bunch of bigger cocks in her.
12 in four years is a lot right? Not marriage material. That's why I can't bring her home to my Mom. She's sweet and stuff but she is lacking in the appreciation of the sacredness of Sex. Like hell I'll make a child with a women who's been that promiscuous. She claimed that since it'd been 1 1/2 years since she slept with someone that proves she's changed. Even so...she still drinks and is in my mind not marriage material. I told her I'd never get over it and promised I'd try and ....here we are.
Women, and men, Please, have respect for yourself and you future spouse. Just because you wanted to be adored doesn't mean you should sleep with a bunch of people. It ruined this relationship so please, safeguard your chastity or at the very least keep it to a minimum. A few LTRs I can understand but DON"T sleep with a guy after a 2 weeks!
What a waste of time and energy. Twice the National avg. Makes me feel worthless.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 May 2009):
 You will get people who will answser Yes, that's too many and you'll get others who will say No, that's fine. No answer is right or wrong, they are only opinions! She has had her reasons for sleeping with 12 guys. Maybe she had a sad upbringing where she wasn't shown enough love... it doesn't mean she's a bad person for wanting to be loved and adored. It could be she just wanted to go out and have some fun and regretted sleeping with them too soon, hence the reason the relationships didn't last long.
Whatever the reason, you shouldn't judge her on it and label her. Judge her on what you both have NOW! Get to know her better, find out more about her and take your time before you both get intimate with one another. At the end of the day our opinions are just that... opinions. Only YOU can decide whether she's the one for you or not.
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, Emerald2000  +, writes (18 May 2009):
The answer is yes. It's too many. And one one night stand is too many. Period.
You know it. I know it. Every guy knows it. Yes, we try to rationalize it. Logically and theoretically you could debate there is no number that is too many. I see people arguing that it should not matter if you love her and if she is committed. We know the truth. It does matter to guys. Sorry, it just does.
Allow me to illustrate. What if it was 100? Suddenly every person would agree and say, yes, that is too much, and how she doesn't have any self respect or that she has a problem with intimacy or sex.... While 100, hopefully, is a ridiculous number, it illustrates the point that the number of partners a woman has matters to men (and probably to women, too).
She's 22 for god's sake. 12? If you want to have fun, knock yourself out. But if you're looking for "the one" or a long term relationship you know it, deep down inside, that 12 is over the top. She isn't going to be the one. A woman doesn't have to be a virgin, though there is nothing wrong that either, but we're okay with previous partners if they are based on relationships, and preferably long term relationships. If she sleeps around it doesn't make her a bad person. It just makes her not serious gf material in the eyes of most men. We just don't admit it publicly. For some reason we want all the women out there to think we're all understanding, modern, progressive thinking and balanced ... but the truth is when it comes to past sexual relationships we don't want a girl with a long past. It's not in our DNA and it will never be. We want to have fun with the bad girls and marry the good girl. We love the chase and getting the girl that is hard to get. If the girl has been chased and caught too many times... or been chasing guys herself.... we don't want her anymore.
Why do you think you see so many posts and questions about this subject from guys? Let's get real and guys, stop lying to look good and new age-y for the girls reading this. It'd probably be more helpful for them to know the truth about how we think whether it sounds fair or not. There are always exceptions but you know what I'm saying is the truth for 90% of guys out there.
Have a great day.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Its more about the one night stands. Only one is pretty good. Find out the amount of time she knew the other eleven. At 22 it couldnt have been long. Trust me I battled this for a long time in my current relatoionship (over 18 years)still bothers me. If your not okay with this now you will never be.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 Whether or not she is a "slut" is all in the eye of the beholder. How many women have you slept with? If its only been one or two people, her past is probably a little hard to accept right now.
If you have had more partners than her, then I don't understand why you have a problem.
A lot of people on this board will tell you that the past is the past and it doesn't matter, but I disagree. The past shapes the person into who they are today. Usually this is for the better, but it also informs you of the kind of person they are.
Every choice has consequences, good or bad, and you have the right to decide what kind of person you want to be with.
However, whether or not you can love and respect her, (because this is what she deserves in a partner no matter what she did in her past) is what you need to decide. Whether you can move beyond this or not is your problem not hers. Don't string her along, its not fair to waste her time.
The real question you need to ask yourself is why it is bothering you. Are you jealous that she gave her self to so many others before you? Do you feel this cheapens the intimacy you two share? Are you envious of the experiences she's had? Do you wish you had as many previous partners as her?
Like the others who have answered your post, the best way to keep from being haunted by your partner's past is to not ask about it.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (9 December 2008):
 If she has only slept with 12 people, that's not bad at all, not like it should matter. Whatever she has done in her past, is exactly that, her past. Which didn't include you being with her so she was able to do whatever she wanted. One one night stand isn't bad either. Why would you even consider thinking that that would be slutty? Honestly, don't even bring sexual pasts into a relationship unless there's something to be concerned about. It usually only brings more trouble than understanding. Good Luck with you 2!
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (9 December 2008):
 Hey, I would suggest for future reference - don't ask about previous sexual partners or relationships, this brings nothing but trouble, upsets partners, unless your partner is very keep to talk about it herself.
If you are happy with her then I suggest to try and move on, it wont be easy though. If she is faithfull to you and makes you happy then there is no reason to dig up the past.
All the best
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): If only 1 was a one night stand then I don't think shes a slut, and if you cared about her you wouldn't let this bother you so much. Why would it matter if she sounds slutty? Why would it even sound slutty? Who is going to hear it?
You shouldn't let something like this intimidate you, just try and ignore it and enjoy being with her. You are at the fantastic stage of the relationship when you are getting to know each other, try and find out other things about her, more meaningful things, before you judge her. Does she have a big family? A good childhood? Any ambitions in life? Theres plenty of other things to find out if you don't know it all already, move on from this and get to know everything else about her, have fun!
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A
female
reader, BeckiiW  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 The past is the past,all i can say is,look into the future,dont let her past bother you,its over and done will.i had the same and im 17 my fiance had had a slutty past and i hate it,i really so,but i got over it and thought,hes with me,not them,im the lucky one,and just look into the future.
Dont let it get to you x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): It depends, but if you're still 22 and she's had that many partners, I wouldn't expect it to turn into a long term relationship. But you could still enjoy each other.
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