A
male
age
36-40,
*aogwan
writes:Hey people I need some help! I have been with my gf for 1 year and 9 months. she is my first ever girlfriend. She is the first girl i have ever done anything with. I have only ever kissed one girl before her. We gave each other our virginity and have said that we love each other. I have problem though, one month into the begining of our relationship she started telling me about her past. She told me about a fling she had, but all they did was kiss. She has only ever had sex with me. Well anyway her past bothers me, I know she hasnt done much, but she has done alot more in comparison to me. She has also had 2 other relationships. Well my problem is that it has been on my mind for 90% of the 1 year and 9months we've been together.Normally anything that happens in the past I forget, but this won't get out of my head. This keeps bothering me, its like i cant control it. I have days or even times in the day when im ok but other days/times it pops in my head, and I keep getting visions, and this horrrible feeling in my stomach!!! I need help I dont understand why this keeps happening. Its in the past and I just want to forget it. Do you think i should end this relationship? I dont think my g/f deserves this. Help me, my mind is going crazy, I cant do anything properly in my life.I dont understand if something normally happens in the past i forget about it, because I know I cannot do anything to change it. However this just wont go away! is it because I love her that it bothers me soo much? I am a very insecure person how can I change this? Thank you very much, I really appreciate everyones help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, blackberry008  +, writes (30 September 2008):
 Don't let the past ruin the present especially your future. You do not know how many people are looking for true love. You got one so make the most of it. Stop thinking about things that won't get anywhere especially when it will ruin your relationship together. You will only know the meaning of true happiness when you don't get one.
Be happy and contented that she is with you and that she loves you. It's just a kiss. It doesn't matter. Young kids kiss one another now a days. Don't make it bother you too much. Think of things to make you both happy rather than thinking of things that is not helpful.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): from what iv read it seems as if you are afraid that she did more than just kiss in the past... or that she is cheating on you (just from what iv read if im wrong listen to the other replies!) even if i am wrong about that talking to her about it wuld probably be the best thing to do
april, age 15
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A
male
reader, Flporrego  +, writes (20 September 2008):
 i know excatly how you feel. ive been dating this girl for a year now and back in the past she played truth or dare and made out with a guy. what bothers me about it is that it was her first time kissing someone. i got really upset and it really bothers me thinking about it. but man, think about th emore important things in life. yes, i understand how you feel. But are you honestly going to let that bother you? she loves YOU and only YOU. dont screw her over. i know insecurities as i have dealt with them many times in my life. Its just a matter of facing it head on and getting over it. its not that hard. shes yours man. only yours. do whats right.
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A
female
reader, type4help +, writes (20 September 2008):
 you say your insecure then that is probably it, i;ve had friends with the same problem, but in time they overcome it, your gf is with you, and she lost her virginity with you, and she said that she loved you. she was obviously waiting to lose her virginity with some one special if she has had previous relationships and didn;t.
and she must think that you are special to have lost it to you, and to say i love you.
so i wouldn;t worry about nothing, and i certianly wouldn;t end it. keep together and be strong.
good luck
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A
female
reader, clairewillhelpu  +, writes (20 September 2008):
Hi, i think this is really annoying you because of your own insecurities and the fact that she has kissed someone else and you haven't! Too many people let the past ruin their future. She has been honest and told you from the start about her past, would you rather not know?? I think you should try and get help with building your own confidence and then you might feel alot more secure in your relationship. As you say you cant change the past so get working on your future before you push your gf away and regret it!
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (20 September 2008):
 If you can't get over her past, you have no future. What she did before she met you says nothing about her feelings for you now. She loves you; she gave you her virginity. Not anyone else, you.
You're right that it's your insecurity. If you felt worthy you wouldn't be wondering "why is she with me" and worse "it's only a matter of time before she finds someone else." This is YOU talking. NOT HER. You run the risk of your insecurity chasing off a wonderful person. She's with you. She loves you. She's CHOSEN you. GET OVER THIS.
How is the hard part. It is okay to say you don't want to talk about past relationships. It is NOT okay to be suspicious of her. You have to trust that she's with you because she WANTS to be with you. When you find yourself obsessing, take a deep breath and get busy doing something else.
Good luck.
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