A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend granddad is dying in hospital. She wants me to take time off work to be with her and her family in the hospital. I'm happy to do so and so are work but i'm not sure if should just leave it as it's a family thing. Her cousin's boyfriend isn't going to the hospital as he sees it as a family thing and doesn't want to intrude. He's been in the family much longer than me but doesn't see them as often due to them living further away than myself and my girlfriend. Her whole family (with the exception of her cousin and her boyfriend who only visit once a month or so) get together once a week, me included, so i do feel very close to them and part of them family but i'm not blood and i don't want to intude on a personal moment for them. What do i do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 July 2014):
 You are thinking also on behalf of your gf , but you do not need to, because she has her own brain.
If she said she wants you there to comfort her in her moments of grief, either she knows for a fact that her family would be comfortable with your presence and would not see it as intruding, or she does not know this for a fact ,but anyway she CHOOSES the comfort of your presence over the chance of living this loss as a private, strictly- family moment.
In short , should anybody have a problem with you being there (which I don't think it would happen since your level of closeness to this family ), anyway that, at most, would be on her, not on you. You are not intruding because you are not just showing up of your initiative with no invitation - you have been called, you have been requested by a family member, so you are not intruding, you are kindly responding to a family member's request.
A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (27 July 2014):
Your girlfriend asking for support is important, but I can understand your reluctance to impose yourself on a very difficult family time. Perhaps, if you see the rest of her family on a regular basis, you could call her parents and ask for their opinion?
If they feel OK about this then I can't see a problem.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 July 2014):
 Your girlfriend asked you to be there. So what are you going on about, not wanting to intrude? You have been requested. So go. Stop making excuses not to go. She asked for you, she wants and needs you there. Its part of the boyfriend duties to be there for your girls
friend when she needs you. If you dont go she will think of you as unsupportive and selfish.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2014): You do whatever your girlfriend wants you to. This is about her and how she feels. She's requested your presence during what will be a very difficult time for her. She's your priority during this time not the opinion of her family. If anything is said about you being there all you have to do is say that she asked you to be there for her and you want to respect that.
It's important for someone who is separated from the grief to be there with a grieving loved one. When my cousin died my fiancee was the one who made she I was eating and taking care of me. When you are there you should help out anyway you can. Make sure everyone is eating. Offer to run out to get coffee or whatever the family needs. But remember girlfriend is number one priority during this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2014): If she wants you to be there, and clearly she does if she's asking you to take time off work, then you need to be there.
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A
female
reader, -BMBTL- +, writes (26 July 2014):
 I think she would appreciate your support, however, it depends how long you would need off work. If it would be 'intruding', then no, I don't think so.
In terms of the cousins bf, then if he lives further away then surely he would harder for him to go and travel etc.
If you feel close to them, and see them often then go for it and if you can read the signs of maybe they want their own moments then allow them that time :)
Hope it works out ok.
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