A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I went on holiday recently and we missed our flight as we both got the return flight date wrong. We travel on the bus to the airport to see if we can get another flight. I had a leg injury. Our suitcase fell of the baggage compartment and I asked my boyfriend if you could help me put them back. I thought he didn't hear me so I asked him again. He ignored me. As our suitcases where at the front I had to stand and hold our suitcases in place and hold the weight of all the other suitcases in the compartment for the whole of the 30 minute bus journey with my leg injury. While he sat comfortably staring out of the window. I asked him afterwards why he didn't help me he said because he was angry at me because we missed our flight. I reminded him that we both didnt realise the date it wasnt all my fault and I through his behaviour came across evil, uncaring and spiteful. I questioned if he even loved because he shouldn't want to punish me like that without any care for my leg injury. I didn't like that side of him and not sure where to go in our relationship after that.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 Me personally I wouldn't be able to handle this. Yes we all get annoyed at times but we do not purposely do that to someone we love. The silent treatment is one thing but actually allowing you to carry the cases with an injury is evil. Me or my partner would never do that to each other no matter how annoyed we where, and if he did that to me I would seriously question the person that he is.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 March 2017):
 I agree with dumping him. He's weak, childish, lazy and selfish.
Asking another guy to help you would have been a good idea. It highlights your boyfriend's worthlessness in front of others.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (11 March 2017):
 Had I been in that situation and had the guy I was with deliberately ignore me with the leg injury, I would have scanned the room, found another strong-looking guy, and told him "I'm so sorry to bother you, but my leg is injured. Could you please really quick help me get my bag back into the luggage rack?" and then smile really wide at the other guy being a gentleman and helping me and thanking him for the use of his muscles.
Though, in your case, what I would suggest that YOU do now after this display of his is to look him in the eye, tell him that you're not some puppy to kick around and punish whenever he makes a mistake, and then I'd dump him without looking back.
Spiteful people deserve to be alone.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 March 2017):
 It's a red flag indeed; you both got the return date wrong yet he's angry at you, you're injured, asked for help and all he gives in return is the silent treatment.
I can see it'll be a 'glorious life', an emotional roller-coaster of fits and tantrums if you stay with this jerk.
I suggest he keep his suitcase packed and peddle his spiteful nature elsewhere. It's a pity your leg wasn't right at the time to kick him out there and then.
If this was the first sign of his spiteful side, I can assure you it won't be the last!
Next time please consider placing a reminder in your mobile phones. Been there done that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2017):
 I think it's a HUGE red flag.
I get that he was annoyed, who wouldn't be? The extra cost the uncertainty of how and when to get home? Would annoy anyone who likes FIRM and KNOWN plans.
For him, however, to put ALL the blame on you? That's totally off, what are you the itinerary secretary?
And the reason I see this as a HUGE red flag is this WHEN under pressure and stress we GET to see other people as they ARE, how they HANDLE stressful situation because EVERY relationship will have some. Whether they are SMALL - like yours or big like the death of a close friend or family member and/or unemployment/illness etc.
He might have been mad at himself too for not double checking and maybe HE thought you were the kind of person who would take charge and know these things - both excuses IRELLEVANT. HE CHOSE to punish you. And to do it in public and in a cruel manner. For me? That is unacceptable. 100% not OK.
And I'm wondering if this is part of a pattern or not. My guess it is. That he has used "silent treatment" with you before?
That he has on other occasions NOT taken responsibility but blamed you or others for those "mistakes"?
If this is not a TOTALLY isolated situation, I'd let him go. ASAP
If it IS a totally isolated incident - there are 2 options (as I see it):
1. You talk it over and tell him that kind of behavior and attitude is a TOTAL turn off and not something you want to see from him EVER again.
2. It is ONLY the beginning of him being a spiteful twat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2017): That's a red-flag not to be overlooked. I'd place this guy on a probationary-period just to gauge his temper, and see how he generally handles mishaps or mistakes. Missing a flight is a big deal. However; it was also his own fault!
He has no right to punish you; even if it was your fault! You're a grown-woman. He let you stand and ignored your injury; which is absolute cruelty and very inhumane.
Personally, that behavior is more than enough for me to kick his ass to the curb. If you want to forgive him and see how things go, that's up to you. If this is a regular pattern in his behavior; then he's got anger-management issues.
If you've experienced this kind of behavior before; don't waste another minute. It will only get worse. End it now, and send him walking. Don't hesitate to inform him that you will not tolerate abuse or put-up with being treated badly by him, or anyone else. Say it with conviction, don't be sweet about it.
Meanness and tempers are not to be tolerated under any circumstances. Everyone gets angry, and sometimes we lose it. Taking things to the level of cruelty is unnecessary; and if you allow it, you'll be consistently mistreated and disrespected.
Give him another chance if you must, but you have to set a limit on how much bad behavior you'll tolerate from any man.
I'd say the behavior you described borders on abuse, and that is not a good sign.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (10 March 2017):
 That IS spiteful and he was punishing you. It's a red flag in my book. Imagine how he'll react when something actually is all your fault?
Poor you. It's such a stressful situation and surprisingly easy to get wrong!
We all make mistakes sometimes. Once, I spent £75 on a non refundable room for me and my boyfriend (on his credit card) because I was in a panic as we needed somewhere to stay, and it turned out I'd booked a room miles and miles (a different county) away from where we needed it. While I had a breakdown over it, my boyfriend just laughed, shrugged and said we'd pay half each for the mistake and we'd have to find an even cheaper room in the right place.
I'm just giving you an example, but if my boyfriend had emotionally punished me for being a bit of an idiot, we probably wouldn't be right for each other. You need to be allowed to make small mistakes and be cared for through it.
His reaction sounds immature and cruel. Have a think about that and how it might end up in future.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (10 March 2017):
 He let himself down badly at the airport. He was as much to blame as you for the missed flight and you also had your leg injury which he didn't take into account, which was quite uncaring. My thoughts are dependent on whether this was a one-off or whether it follows a pattern of behaviour. If it is the latter then there are alarm bells ringing.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 March 2017):
 He obviously has trouble verbalising his feelings. To just shut down and not speak to you is unacceptable, regardless of leg injuries.
Is this a common pattern with him? If so, you need to tell him it does not make for a healthy relationship.
I believe we should go with our gut feelings in cases like this and you obviously feel he is spiteful. Listen to your gut instinct (you know this guy, we don't). Do you want to spend years with someone who treats you like this?
You deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2017): Oh wow, I don't usually say this but I went through almost the exact same thing with my longterm bf about a year ago on a trip. It seems that some people are really bad travellers and the stress of a trip brings out their uncaring, callous side. To this day I have never seen my boyfriend so uncaring as I did on that trip. Very similar scenarios where he was annoyed and wouldn't help me with both of our luggage after we missed a train...that was only one of a series of behaviours I considered rude and at the least ungentlemanly.We know that your boyfriend was angry over the missed flight. Were there other issues he was angry over during the travels? Perhaps stressed at all the money he had to spend (I know that was a factor in our case). Some people get VERY overwhelmed during the whole process of navigating new cities, new airports, it stresses them out SO much that they take it out on those they love. How out of character were his actions? You may want to consider forgiving him if he is usually a caring individual. Did he apologize after the bus ride? I think you have seen maybe not an evil side, but a selfish and highly unattractive side of him. Can you live with this as being one of his flaws? I did live through a similar scenario and stayed together. He is usually much more caring, but I will forever know he has this dark side. It's up to you.
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