| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend have always been into dominant sex. Recently, he was asking me to slap him during sex, i found it really odd but i did anyways. We do love each other, however, his dominance in bed is sometimes painful. Im too shy to tell him to calm down or to stop when things get painful, because i know that he gets pleasure of being the dominant and he also likes it when im dominant too. I just always wake up feeling real pain down there. This is a very awkward thing to say here. But im just too shy to tell him that. Why would he get pleasure of being dominant? Why would he even ask me to slap him? I thought he was laughing only, but he was serious about it.
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (28 July 2018):
BDSM is something you do WITH someone, never TO someone.
As with any relationship, if your personalities line up, and your kinks do as well, you have a chance. Your present scenario is unhealthy because this is not the case.
Break it off firmly but gently (actually he might like that, lol, though this is definitely not a laughing matter) and find someone more attuned to your taste.
Believe me, you can.
It would also be very helpful to him if you sent him a link to Fetlife.com (do a search) which is a kink-friendly Facebook-like site to help him share particular desires and find someone.
And he might.
Good luck to the (separate) both of you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): Nope sweetheart this is not love.This is your personal nightmare.He is busy getting your consent to do things he shouldnt and you are following like a lamb believing its normal.I dont think this is a talking matter.I think this is a get away from him matter.You may need the help of others to leave.Words wont do it because he enjoys hurting you.You wake up in pain!Enough said.He will always come back to that.So you must leave him any way you can while you can.Pack a bag and go home to mum, or friends and dump him by text.Tell him 'I dont like your kind of love. You are vicious and nasty. I dont love you and I never will!'And mean it.You will bear his scars forever otherwise and it could be a short forever depending on his agenda.Im so sorry you got trapped by a guy like him, but you can set yourself free.Dont tell him or he will whine, wheedle and cajole, or maybe just thump you around before the sex or even worse. So get free, get safe, send a text and block his pointless reply.And tell your friends he was a pig in bed so that they never try to act as intermediates.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 July 2018):
 Would you let someone walk up to you everyday and punch you in the face if they wanted to? I highly doubt it, so why would you let someone hurt you during sex?
If you can’t openly discuss sex with your partner then are you sure that you’re right for each other? Doesn’t seem like you’re a good, comfortable match.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 July 2018):
 Unless you are putting on a really good act and pretending you love what he is doing to you, if he has half a brain he must realize you are not enjoying yourself. Problem is, HE is enjoying himself and he really doesn't care about you. You are just there to provide his pleasure.
Sweetheart, this is happening because you are ALLOWING it to happen. How can you be too shy to tell a guy he is hurting you? Maybe this too is what he gets off on, because he realizes he can do anything he wants and you won't refuse him.
I am concerned he is going to do you some serious damage (if he has not already). This could not only lead to health problems now but fertility problems in the future. If you value your own health, you either have to tell him he is hurting you and you want him to stop, or you have to end this relationship so that the abuse stops - because that is what is happening here.
Why do you think YOUR health and pleasure are not as important as his? Do you think being used for this guy's pleasure is some sort of complement? He might as well be pounding away at a sex doll. If you are not mature enough to be able to tell someone you are not enjoying sex, then you really shouldn't be having sex - with ANYONE.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (25 July 2018):
 OP, you have to find a way to tell him that you don't enjoy what is going on sexually. I agree 100% with Tisha-1. If you are too shy to talk to him about sex then you shouldn't be having sex. End of story. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for BOTH parties. It shouldn't be painful emotionally or physically and you shouldn't stand by and let things continue when you are in pain! TELL HIM...or end things because this isn't a healthy relationship. Most men do not want their partner to be in pain and they would be devastated to know that they are hurting their partner. A man who doesn't care isn't a man worth being around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): You have to let him know he is hurting you, or he could cause you serious injury. You are not getting equal pleasure; and having sex is for both of you. NOT JUST HIM!!!
Not everyone is cutout for rough sex-play! Any idiot with half a brain would be considerate of the person he loves; and not just pound the hell out of her.
This makes me furious! These crazy pervs are out of control!
You may want to have kids someday, and he might cause some irreparable damage. Tears in your delicate vaginal-tissue could cause scarring. That could make sex even more painful for you.
Once he has messed you up, he'll go find somebody else to replace you. How would you like that?
Sweetheart, you have to let him know. Maybe he just thinks you can take it; or he gets carried-away. I hope he isn't drunk or on drugs!
You're trying too hard to please him. Being so submissive; you're becoming a victim of sexual-battery!!! If you're scared of him, it makes you a victim. It's time you got out of this. NOT LATER...NOW!!! You're not "shy!" You're scared! Scared of losing a damn boyfriend! SERIOUSLY?!!
I'm not going to mince words. This nonsense with just letting these crazy boyfriends mess you up mentally and physically is ridiculous! Sex has to be pleasurable for both people; and he is only supposed to do things to your body that you enjoy.
If you're too shy to say it; write it in a letter in bold print, or write it in lipstick on the bathroom mirror:
"You are hurting me, and you're scaring me! I don't like sex that way. PLEASE STOP! This is too much for me!"
Put a note on the seat of his car, in his pocket, or on his pillow!
He is more than you can handle. It's going to go from hurting you physically to causing you psychological trauma. Which could take years to recover from.
If you can't handle this guy, get the hell out that sick relationship!
What are you going to do, wait until you end-up in the hospital?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2018):
 I'm with Tisha.
If you can not set boundaries in the bedroom, you shouldn't be having sex. Not with him NOR anyone else.
You are putting yourself at risk and you are ALSO the reason WHY your sex-life is getting scary. Because YOU DO NOT speak up.
If you DO not ENJOY pain you NEED to tell that too him. If he is TOO rough, you need to tell him. If you don't enjoy hitting him, you need to tell him... DO I need to go on?
Sex isn't just about the MAN's pleasure (or woman) it's about a SHARED experience where BOTH parties get to enjoy themselves and each other.
He can't READ your mind, so this won't stop UNLESS you talk to him. And even then... he might not WANT to stop and then what? You just have to suck it up? What kind of life is that?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 July 2018):
 Pleasure and pain release powerful chemicals in the brain. Some people associate pain with love because they grew up in dysfunctional homes where they thought even negative attention was love. If anger is passion, then calmness and peacefulness is indifference, not love, they think. It is not physically or mentally healthy to engage in violent sex. When you don't allow the tears down there to heal, you are susceptible to infections. Since you are so submissive and eager for love I am afraid you would not say no to sex when your body needs healing. A little kinkiness like mild spanking is fine, but not when pain needs to be in each session to be satisfactory.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2018):
 If you are too shy to tell him he’s hurting you in bed then you should not be having sex with him.
Some men (and women) get off on that kind of power imbalance in a sexual relationship.
You deserve a happy, mutually respectful and non-injurious relationship.
A guy who gets off on hurting you now is extremely unlikely to become a wonderful sex partner.
Cut him loose ASAP!
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