A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been lying to my boyfriend about my surname for this whole time (3 years) and I feel really guilty. I have introduced myself with my mother's surname. My name is quite infamous so I don't like to let people know about my family. I started lying because I was afraid of losing him, because I'm so embarrassed. Now we are starting to plan engagement so my real surname will come up at some point. How I should tell him about this lie?And sorry, English is not my best language... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, malvern  +, writes (26 July 2018):
 I agree with the other answers. Honesty is always the best. He needs to know and you cannot continue without telling him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): Thank you for answers. I maybe should have mentioned that this particular person, who ruined my family's name, was and still is well known for his horrible acts. I'm afraid that my boyfriend will think that I'm as horrible as that person and we break up. And one thing that makes things worse, I've lost many friends because they think I deserve to be punished for his acts. I'm afriad to be judged.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 July 2018):
 You could have actually changed your surname to the one you have been using during that period if it had been that important to you, then there would be no problem now. However, as you have chosen not to do that, then you need to tell him - and soon.
In your shoes I would play it down and say something like, "I tend to use my mother's surname because I don't like people knowing about my family. I'm sorry, I should probably have mentioned it earlier, but I guess I blocked it from my mind. I'm actually part of the XYZ family. It wasn't an intentional deceit, just something I am not comfortable sharing."
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2018):
 I have been lying to you about my surname for this whole time (3 years) and I feel really guilty. I have introduced myself with my mother's surname. My name is quite infamous so I don't like to let people know about my family. I started lying because I was afraid of losing you, because I'm so embarrassed. Now we are starting to plan engagement so my real surname will come up at some point.
I realize that I should have told you years ago but I didn’t know we would last this long.
This is my secret. My surname is LMNOP.
I can’t go forward with any type of future planning until you have all the information about me.
I hope you eventually understand why I chose to deceive you for so long. I’m not proud of it.
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