A
male
age
41-50,
*erculesVangod
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm 31 and still single and I don't want to be the 40 years old virgin.It's not like I haven't been trying. I took other people's advices, read books, I even tried using those cologne that makes a person likes you. But none of them works, not for me anyways.There were two that likes me but they were not my type and I didn't want to hurt them. Meaning I didn't want to break up with them along the way for someone better(my type) because they were my friends. We weren't even clicking together and I couldn't see a future with them.I haven't seen one of them in 10 years and the other one, she's on my Facebook.I even tried those Online Dating but only met Scams. No, I didn't give them any money. Found out that they were Scams when two of my email were almost identical word for word. So, I said something's fishy and did some Homework and that's when I found out about Online Dating Scams. I think it was about 7 or 8 years ago. No of days, I just Google Image search and puff, I find out if they're real or not and most of them are fakes.So, Cupid. Way are you still keeping me single after 30 years?You know, sometimes, to make myself feel better. I tell myself that I used to be an evil being. The being that almost destroyed existence. The reason why I'm still single is because I was never meant to be in a relationship. I'm not suppose to experience true happiness after what I did.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (5 March 2014):
Dear OP,
No, I didn't mean for you to become a gangster and go to jail. That was not what my advice was about. I actually wanted to encourage you to try harder to meet new people. Which would require you to go out to different places and chat to people you hardly know, or don't know at all. You can use the internet for that, or go to social events, courses, classes, parties, festivals.. whatever comes to mind.
I didn't have that much luck with love in my life, neither. But I bet my chances are higher if I don't sit there alone and frustrated, but instead pick myself up and go out there again. Yes, I am a woman and I'd say I'm fairly good looking, but guess what, potential partners don't throw themselves at me, I don't live in a country where guys are encouraged to do so. I need to go out, be social, go on online dating sites, speed dating event etc. to meet singles who are of my age.
If I am having a hard day (because I am getting a wedding invitation or something like that), I just tell myself that I need to get the odds in my favour: If only 1 of 100 men between 25-45 is suitable for me (which is unlikely, but let's go with that number), then what I need to do, if it comes to the worst, is to just go and meet all those 99 men I don't want to be with, so eventually I'm going to find the hundredth one.
Currently, I've dated about the 30th guy and I still got a lot of patience and courage.
I just wanted you to consider doing the same, because the alternative is to become bitter, hate life and yourself. I'd guarantee my approach is more fun, even if it includes rejection or uncomfortable situations sometimes. In the end, I don't want to miss out on that special someone, just because I didn't try.
I hope this was more clear to understand.
A
male
reader, HerculesVangod +, writes (5 March 2014):
HerculesVangod is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the chat. I kind of needed it.
Advice was the same as most people's been telling me but thanks anyways.
By the way Cupid. If you see God and the others, I said hi.
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A
male
reader, .Nick +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Now OP, I wasn't going to say anything because the other Aunts have certainly covered a lot of material. But I did want to address something in your last response:"Because I went to College and found out how talentless I really am."I can almost assuredly say that that is not true. College is not a place that measures talent. College is a place that teaches. Indeed, you can get just as good of an education without college, with enough will power, it's just that college is the "traditional" route to education.In regards to your talent, no one is absolutely talentless. Whether you want to hear it or not, it is this type of attitude that is keeping you "a virgin." Find something you love, take pride in what you do, and own it. Nothing is more unattractive than a man with no self esteem.And, Euphoric, excuse me for speaking on your behalf, but I don't believe he was asserting you do anything that get you arrested. By try harder, I believe he was referring to what I've addressed in my previous 2 paragraphs: Will power and your desire to disregard your stigma of being "a virgin."Forget about the stigma. A) no one needs to know, I'm not saying lie about it, but don't let that be your driving factor for getting into a relationship. B) it doesn't define you.Go out and meet people, enjoy people, and enjoy your life. Nothing is more important.Because it's so important I want to reiterate:Do not let being a virgin define you. You are more than that. You are talented. Get out there and embrace your life.Best wishes to you in all of your endeavors, Hercules.-Nick.
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reader, HerculesVangod +, writes (5 March 2014):
HerculesVangod is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Euphoric29:Try Harder? You want me to go to jail?...I've seen a lot of people's tricks, I've seen their lies.I'm sorry if I'm not as good looking or as rich or as talented as them and I'm sorry I don't tell lies.I've talked to all kinds of random people. The ones I'm interested in just doesn't seem to be interested in me.One of the girls didn't like me because I wasn't a Gangsta. I'm not going to try and be a Gangsta just so someone will like me.@Caring Aunty A:The Evil Being this is working pretty will. Some people likes my stories and some people gets offended of it and says I shouldn't make fun of God but the thing is, I'm not. I just don't tell people it's suppose to be me. I also did some other stories where it wasn't about me and people liked it too. So far I can't think of any good stories to write right now.I'm always down to Earth, except in my head. I'm more down to Earth then some of the people I meet. I'm more in tune with Cosplayers. But Comic-cons and Anime-cons are so expensive. You guys may think it's not that expensive but to someone like me who isn't making a lot of money, it is. I live in my head because I don't like my reality. Each time I look in my wallet, I see how broke I am. Some time I wonder how the hell does people with no job be having all kinds of fancy stuff when I have a job and is still broke as-f...And don't say, Go to College, get a better job. Because I went to College and found out how talentless I really am. I had to get extra help just to barely get a C grade and pass my classes while other people just brushed it off. Sometime I'm jealous of their talent.Why I'm sitting here on this computer is because I finally can afford internet again and I want to use it.
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (4 March 2014):
 First of all, I want to take that word TYPE and throw it right out the window. All of us have a picture in our heads of the ideal person, eg, tall dark handsome fireman with abs like steel. Does it mean that we should just hold out for a fireman? No, that's unrealistic and we risk missing out on true love because we fobbed off the shorter-but-still-cute bank teller that flirted with us. For sure, we need someone who has the same morals and ideals as us, but who's to say that person isn't one of the people we marked off our list? The more people we embrace into our lives the more chance we have of finding the one for us. Don't limit yourself to a type because it's unfair on you and for anyone who just might think that you might be right for them.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (4 March 2014):
 So you tell yourself you’re not supposed to experience true happiness because; “you used to be an evil being…”? How’s that working for you?
I think you may have to channel your thoughts back down to Earth and start getting out of the house more instead of sitting in front of that computer. I’m guessing you need to socialise and interact with everyday people… cause who thinks up this; “evil being” kind of stuff and uses fake advertising Cologne, thinking it would attract people/females?
Now if Cupid is still keeping you single after 30 years, have you ever thought it’s because you’re sitting on his target – your arse!? Plus try making a list of what type of girl would be attracted to you… what do you have that’s on offer that would make someone truly happy? Then go forth and improve yourself if you don’t like what you attract.
Stay positive – CAA
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): Don't worry about it. I was 28 when I lost my virginity, and that was to a 49 year old man!!. I didn't think that I would lose my virginity to someone so much older and more experienced than I am lol. That was two years ago. I am still in a relationship with him now. We both weren't necessarily looking for a partner when we met. Sometimes it just happens.When the right person comes along, it will happen for you too.
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female
reader, Euphoric29 +, writes (4 March 2014):
Dear OP,
My advice is simple and I bet it's not the kind of advice you want to hear, but it comes from the heart:
Just try harder.
So you read some books, used some cologne, took some advices, tried online dating (probably a free site, seeing you only met scams) some years ago, and refused some girls 10 years ago. And that's it?
I mean, where is the effort? Did you expect the girl of your dreams to just fall from the sky? Where is she supposed to find you? In front of your computer?
There is speed dating, dance classes, traveling, more online dating sites, approaching attractive strangers, clubbing, asking your friends to set you up, etc.
To find someone is a matter of persistence and patience. There are many people who can't or won't be with you for some reason, so you have to go looking hard for the one that wants to (and that you want to, vice versa). And every night you stay at home and do nothing, there is another single guy out there, trying harder than you and lowering your chances of finding a single lady.
Seriously, I amicably beg you to do ALL the work that has to be done, instead of telling yourself weird and depressed stories. Finding someone IS hard, (unless you lower your standards). Successful guys are those who accept rejection as part of the game and just try and try and try.
Wish you good luck and lots of energy!
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reader, HerculesVangod +, writes (4 March 2014):
HerculesVangod is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Aunty BimBim:Yes, I do have a list of my type. Over the years, I've cross some stuff off my list as people suggested. No one is perfect.And my friend, she is not on my list.Sometimes I read some of her comments on Facebook where she is mad because strangers miss took her for a man. Now, I don't know if that was the case for me because I never picture her that way. I usually can tell the difference between a guy and a girl regardless of how they look unless they had a complete plastic surgery make over.I did meet this one girl about 3 years ago but she turns out to be a complete A-hole. I try to be nice but all she gave me was heartache. Yes, she was dating someone else. But I told her, I'll keep my emotions in check and just be her friend.(it was hard) The least she can do is be a friend back but did she, no. She even said it to my face that she was purposely being mean to me. There was also this other guy who she said was in love with her for many years. He does stuff for her, buy her things, and she's always mean to him but she wont date him even when she was single. I did not want to become the second him. So I said, forget, if she's going to treat me this way then I don't want her as a friend. I've seen how she treats her friends and I'm not on it. I haven't talk to her for about 2 years now.@WhenCowsAttack:If you are talking about a prostitute, no thanks. I'm not that desperate even if they know all kinds moves.
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (4 March 2014):
Some people are probably going to disagree with my advice, but at your age it is possible that seeing a sex worker could help your self esteem.
There are sex workers that specialize in all kinds of things. Some for people with disabilities, and some for those who are very inexperienced. I would suggest if you aren't opposed and can afford to do so, that you might benefit from the services of a kind, patient sex worker who can "show you the ropes".
This isn't something I'd recommend for many people, but in your case it may be of great help to you.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 March 2014):
 Have you really, honestly sat down and determined what sort of girl is your type?
What determined your list for your type, was it looks, hobbies, weight, level of education, their music preference, the football team they support........ the amount of money they have? Now, I am not saying you should have settled for the female friends who you say liked you, but what didn't they have that would make your 'type' better?
I am wondering if you have some unrealistic expectations, maybe you are so focussed on finding a 'type' that you can't see the wood for the trees.
And of course, having been a student of human nation for a lot of years, I have noticed there is the opposite side of the coin, lots of young women wondering if they are ever going to find a relationship that will lead to marriage and babies and white picket fences, but they are so focussed on their 'type' that a million opportunities to meet people go un noticed.
I'd like to see the list of what attributes makes a girl your type, because if she exists you are obviously looking in the wrong places.
Think about it, think about what your 'type' is and isn't. Work out if there is anything on the list that is negotiable, and once your list is complete, ask yourself where you might be able to meet a girl like that, you also need to ask yourself if you are the type a girl that is your type, would go for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): I don't think your final comment is true, perhaps you have just not found the right person for you yet. I think you did the best thing by not going with your friends.Dating websites are not all bad, there are some serious people out there, but you've got to keep looking rather than giving up on it. Have you got any hobbies? Could you join any clubs and meet people through that? I don't think there is a reason that you're still single and a virgin, I don't think anything has caused it, you probably have not met the right person and so you haven't gone ahead with anything. Just keep searching and don't be negative with the way things go. The best way to find someone is to look for them, get on with your life as normal but keep looking. You may have already met that person and not realised, perhaps someone at work or near you likes you but is too scared to say. Take some risks and jump in, just ask people out or give your number to someone you like. You'll never know if you don't try.
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