A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this man for about six months. We talk every day, texting back and forth constantly and we see each other about 2-3 days out of the week when he drives me to his home (he lives about 70 miles away and I don't drive). I'm a little bit crazy about him, even though there has been some issues. I'm 25 and he's 38, and we're at different places in our lives. He has tenants in his home and it drives me nuts. He takes steroids and he lies about it. He has a strong sex drive and sometimes we've gotten into arguments because I feel like half the time I'm at his house I'm on my back and the other half of the time he just has me do his housework. I feel sometimes he's pressuring me to do sexual things outside of my comfort zone, including being naked in his car and have sex sometimes 5 times a day. I've met his mom once and he hasn't brought up me seeing her again. I snooped in his email and found an email with a facebook message from an older woman asking when she was free and I found pictures of another nude older woman. I confronted him and we had a big blowup, but like all our blowups, it was very shortlived. He redirects argument, avoiding questions, by trying to be affectionate or having sex whether I want to or not. He says he is not seeing anyone else but me, but it is very important that he is telling the truth because he prefers not to wear condoms, ever. We talk constantly even when we are not together, but sometimes I feel like he's asking what I'm doing throughout the day just so he can be sure I'm not with another guy. You'd think all those things would set me off, right? No. It's the fact he won't commit to me! He makes excuses, saying it's not the right time in his life, saying things would get too crazy, blaming me. I try to point out that if he is not going to commit to me he probably should stop asking me where I am all the time as it would be none of his business, but he just doesn't get it and I yield and we go back to the same pattern! My sister, family and friends hate him and thinks he's using me, verbally abusing and manipulating me, and I defend him so he can say I'm too "crazy" to commit to? What the heck does he think commitment means anyway? I don't want to marry him or pop out his kids I just want him to acknowledge the gravity of our relationship (if one can call it that). Am I just wasting my time with this guy? All the other things I feel like if I push a little he modifies (like I complained about him not taking me out enough he planned this fabulous day), but just his refusal to call me his girlfriend when I feel our lives are so involved just makes me so angry that even when we're having perfect days I pick fights with him. I even slept with someone else out of anger but I confessed it to him when he confronted me. But at the same time, what should I apologize for? He doesn't want to commit! He says he doesn't want to see or hear about me being with anyone else but does he expect me to twiddle my thumbs waiting for the moment he decides he's ready? Am I wasting my time? Should I rephrase my argument? I just really want to be with him.
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condom, facebook, sex drive, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): I'm sorry it hurt. It really help me see I was making a mistake too. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat REALLY hurt to read, but that's my fear and it's most likely the truth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): There's a great article you should read. Here.....
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
I see a lot of warning signs. He seems controlling and possessive jealous. And all your family and friends hate him. Your too young to put up with this.
Read that article. Its about warning signs of dating a "loser".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): Been there done that. Leave as soon as possible. If a man doesn't love you there are a million reasons and excuses as to why he can't commit. It's hard to let him go because girls just have this thing where we want what we cant have; and thus internal thing where we want to tame someone who "can't be tamed". Truth is he likes you enough to spend time with you but he doesn't like you enough to officially date you. He could be seeing other people ( highly likely) And the
Moment a girl is somewhat better than you or he likes her more you will be kicked to the side watching him be monogamous with his words of "I can't can't commit..." flying out the door. You deserve better!
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