A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and I have come to accept that I am gay. I've had a long term girlfriend before and was sexually attracted to her. But now I'm single I barely see girls as sex objects anymore. I am only attracted to guys. Now, I can't see myself having sex with a guy but that might just be because I'm not out of the closet and have never tried it with someone I have an emotional connection with. But for the past year I've been battling my feelings for this girl. I recognize love and I continuously have to convince myself I'm not. But I fear I am. When I'm not with her I want to be, when I see her, I get butterflies, when she talks to another guy I'm jealous and I have to control myself not to text her all the time or find excuses to spend time with her. I got close to a relationship but I was so scared of breaking her heart and finding out I was gay anyway that I kissed another girl in front of her to push her away. Well, she doesn't want me anymore obviously, but I still feel the same. I've tried to put my focus on guys, but I can't. I want her. But I'm afraid it won't be in the sexual way though sometimes I do want that. I'm SO confused it's killing me. Is this normal? What on earth do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety, or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions. Symptoms of the disorder include excessive washing or cleaning; repeated checking; extreme hoarding; preoccupation with sexual, violent or religious thoughts. cough cough like thinking your gay when clearly your not.
A
male
reader, jp23  +, writes (15 May 2011):
 Your so funny lol. umm to start off, lets leap ahead to where you said "I can't see myself having sex with a guy" & the reason you think you are not sexually attacted to them is bec, you are not out. It wouldn't really matter if you weren't out, if you want a guy then being in or out of the closet wouldn't make much of a difference. Maybe your subconciously deverting to guys because you want to be with this girl so badly that your feeling for other girls is fading away. You want to text her, your jealous of guys chatting with her.
You maybe bi-sexual and just like both. But I wouldn't jump to the conclusion your gay, just curious. Like do I like that, that guys really hot. It's a normal reaction, well for bi guys. But you may or may not like sleeping with a guy. I like sleeping with guys, and I haven't tryed sleeping with a girl. I'm just comfortable bec, I relate better with a guys body. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion your gay just yet, or bi. it's really up to your own feelings and emotions.
In high school I would have times when I favored a girl over a guy, vs/ But I mainly favored a guy though. I had gone out with girls but I never wanted to go further than that. I have never been inlove with a girl, yeah I had feelings but never like yours. Sooo, you have to either explore your sexuality and date guys or just stay tords girls. You also have the option to date both.
Think about your comfort level, would you be willing to sleep with a guy. And do things to him, like oral sex, also anal sex too? There maybe days when you kiss a guy and you feel the stubbles on his face. Also would you be willing to compromise and not having kids with a woman? if with a guy would you adopt or inpregnate a woman, or just not have kids. These are things that are still on the surface of my mind and going into relationship with guys. Think before you act, and protection is important lol wear the condome. You still have to worrie about desease and viruses in any sexual act with a guy or girl.
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A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (12 May 2011):
It sounds as if you're a bit like me. You're bisexual. And you're scared of love.
But that's all of the mistery and confusion there is.
You had a concept worked out of what you are (gay), you were prepared to deal with it somehow, and now you find out your concept doesn't work. Because the way you love and desire is more complex, fluctuant, and not bound to one sex. It's very distracting and difficult for me as well and most people don't understand this. If you say you're bisexual, most people will say good for you, you've got more choice. But it's a very difficult thing to deal with. You get to know so many different people you can love that have so few in common. You never know your type. You never belong to any interest group. Between chairs. No wonder you're confused. But if I were you I'd try to explain yourself to the girl. Maybe you won't get her to like you but at least you've been honest and did everything you could. Love is something beautiful, so honor it by staying true to your heart. Let her know your feelings. If you love her and she loves you, I think your bisexuality won't get in your way of a relationship.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, confusedgal1909  +, writes (12 May 2011):
Bi curious probably...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Are you completely sure that you are gay? I mean it sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself that you are gay and you do not want this girl, but why fight your feelings? At the end of the day you cannot help how you feel and you should not have pushed her away, it could have been possible that the both of you could be happy.
Ok so you are attracted to guys but that doesnt mean that you are gay. It could mean that you are bisexual. You shouldnt be so quick to put a label on yourself. Whether it be a male or a female it shouldnt matter if you are attracted to someone and want to be with them well dont fight against it, follow your heart.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Sounds like your confusion lies in the curiosity of what it would be like to be with a man instead of a woman. Do these attractions come natural or are you forcing them along?
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