A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 20months 3 weeks ago, the relationship had started to go downhill at around the beginning of november, he still felt the same about me but I was starting to notice the spark disappear. In the beginning of December I started to have feelings for someone else but pushed it aside for the sake of trying to save my relationship. By January my relationship was really getting me down, there was no spark anymore and I felt like I was putting all the effort in and getting nothing in return. I tried to end it by boyfriend insisted on a break, but a week later I ended it entirely because I didn't think it was fair to him. My feelings for the guy I started to like have grown and I've found out that he has feelings for me too but I'm scared to start a relationship with him because I don't want to hurt my ex. How long should I wait, I can't let his feelings rule my life forever.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): I'll start by saying what a decent person you are its nice that your still thinking of him but it suggests you still have feelings for him. Might be an idea just to take things slow with the new guy explain the situation and if your still speaking with your ex I'd maybe speak to him and tell him you dont want to hurt him but that you both need to move on see if he can handle it or if not then you'll need to cut contact if you can
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (9 February 2012):
If you know it is over permanently then it is time to move on. You have stated you had feelings for someone else, then that should tell you. Three weeks is not a long time, yes he will be hurt, but it will also answer his questions. If you think there`s a chance you may regret it and want to go back, then think about it, because you may find it breaks any possibility of returning.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 February 2012):
Hi there. You broke up with him for the right reasons.
You couldn't have kept seeing him with your feelings fading day by day. To do so, would have been living a lie.
Are you ready to start a new relationship so soon after the breakup?
Why I ask this, is are you absolutely sure you have no unfinished business with your old boyfriend?
There are no feelings at all for him now?
If the answers are honestly no, well then maybe you are ready to move on.
However in doing so, it would be wise to start out slowly - as friends. Keep it light and fun. Get to know this other guy well as a friend first, and tell him you want to take it slowly, nothing too serious yet.
And if he doesn't already know, tell him you are just out of a recent breakup, so he doesn't expect too much from you.
It's not always wise getting deeply involved with someone new so soon after a breakup. Sometimes it can be a huge mistake.
So for that reason, be very clear on what you expect from the new friendship from the beginning.
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A
female
reader, bardia  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Gonna have to "watch list" this question as I'm in a similar situation. It's been 7 weeks since I broke up with my BF. We were together 15 months. My therapist said it truly is a grieving process, that it IS a type of death & that some people move through the stages of grief faster than others. She actually doesn't want me in any relationship right now so there is time to heal. But someone contacted me out of the blue this morning & after a year we've picked up like old friends! I guess as long as you are ok then move forward. But if you still have lingering feelings for him, it's not fair to the new guy to drag him along. However, if things are picking up with the new guy & lessening with the ex, I guess that's the way it should be. And it isn't our job to worry about whether or not our exes are ok with us moving on. If they had really wanted us then we wouldn't BE moving on, right? (I'm talking to myself here just as much as to you!) Good luck, & we'll see what everyone else has to say...
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