A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I were not trying to get pregnant, in fact we were trying to prevent it, but I had suspicion that I could be pregnant. I was having fatigue, upset belly, dark sensitive nipples. Then my period was several days late (incredibly unusual) and I was almost certain I was pregnant. Now today I took a home pregnancy test and it was negative. And then I started bleeding as of this afternoon.Even though we aren't in a great position to have a baby financially, now that I know it's not going to happen I'm feeling very sad. I was scared of it happening, but then I had my hopes up for some reason, and now I just can't stop crying. I'm feeling down-right heartbroken.I don't know how to act around my fiance, because he's more relieved than anything. I feel like my feelings are invalid, like I should be happy too. But I'm not. I honestly felt pregnant, and now I feel like I lost something I actually wanted rather badly. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you handle it with your partner? Thanks.
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female
reader, Deagan +, writes (9 February 2012):
 You have to think practical on this one. Like you said yourself, you are not financially ready and your fiance is well aware of that too. Plus, I'm sure you both want kids in the future, but perhaps it was a relief to your fiance that you weren't pregnant because it's too soon, you're not financially ready, and you're not even married yet. You're 18-21 years of age, and that's young. If your fiance is around the same age, then most likely he's not even mentally ready for a child. Just keep your head up, you'll have your chance one day!
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Many girls feel like this - they are called phantom pregnancies. Us girls can convince ourselves we are pregnant in our heads and then our body goes along with the joke too for a while, so we have built ourselves up thinking we are pregnant, start coming to terms with it in our heads, so of course it is disappointing when it turns out you're not because you had already sort of accepted it.
Men dont have the baby in their body, so they dont really have a connection with their child until its born. Whereas women can feel the changes in their body as the baby develops, so there is a connection from early on. Hence why it is much harder for you to come to terms with than your boyfriend - he wont ever love his child until it is born, he wont feel anything for a bundle of cells in your tummy. It is not real for him until it is screaming in his arms!
Your feelings will pass in time, it is perfectly normal to have this experience but keep in mind that it is only your hormones playing games and it does not mean that you should now have a baby. Always listen to the logical, rational side of your brain when thinking about babies - they are so expensive, put a massive strain on your relationship, they take over your entire life and you are very young to deal with that kind of thing right now.
As soon as you start having periods your body is ready for a baby (at least it thinks it is) so your hormones go into overdrive, giving you that feeling of 'wanting' a baby. And same goes with these phantom pregnancies, your hormones start up again, making you believe you have a baby and women are supposed to be protective of their offspring (this is due to evolution - women had to protect their offspring in order for the species to survive, hence we are the more protective of the two sexes when it comes to children). So in your head you thought you were pregnant, therefore the part of your brain that hasnt progressed much in evolutionary terms kicks in, making you protective of the baby you think you have.
Now your period has started these feelings will fade, your body has shown its not pregnant so the hormones will die down over the next week or so. Your feelings are not invalid, they are perfectly normal but make sure they dont get the better of you - keep hold of your rational side and remember this is just your body playing games.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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