A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm so lost I don't even know what to ask. I am about to go crazy because I've been so sad for so long. Loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, and sadness are destroying me and I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to burden my friends and no one in my family cares about my problems. I don't feel comfortable talking to a counselor; I've been to a series of them and only one has been helpful at all and I just don't have the $$$. Furthermore, I just don't know how I'm going to get through the night. I wouldn't ever kill myself or anything but I'm so sad that I've been lonely and sad and lived without any love at all for so long that I feel like I'm going to die of a broken heart. I just need some words of comfort. I am so sick and tired of being sad and lonely and having absolutely no love that I literally think I'm going to die if I have to cry myself to sleep another night.I have never, ever, in my life, had a relationship that worked out. All I want is to experience mutual love and I would like to have a boyfriend to love, and cherish. I don't mean that I had relationships that eventually ended. I have never, ever, in my life, experienced the joy of loving someone who returned my feelings. I've lived my entire life without ever experiencing mutual love. This post sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself but the truth is that I have a lot of love to give and I am just dying for the chance to love and cherish someone. I've been hurt so many times, though, that I feel completely worthless, like I'm not good enough to be taken seriously as a girlfriend. I don't trust anymore, and my spirit has been completely broken before guys. I can't bear to let someone in to my heart and just have them break it all over again.All I want is to love someone who returns my love. I am dying to experience what mutual love feels like, even if it only were to last a day. When I was in college I became friends with, and eventually fell for, a man who I grew to love dearly. I thought he really liked me but he let me down and eventually I found out that he was leading me on in hopes that I would have sex with him. Even though I didn't have sex with him this experience makes me feel worthless. I feel that he didn't take me seriously as a girlfriend because I'm just not good enough to be someone's girlfriend. I feel like I'm not good enough for a guy to commit to and love. I would like to experience sex with a man but I don't want the humiliation of just letting some guy use me for sex. at the age I am now, it's just creepy and weird to still be a virgin. I'm at the point where I don't know how to deal with these desires anymore. I feel like I need to know what it's like to sleep with a man, or I'm going to explode, but I don't want to just sleep with someone who's just going to dump me. I never vowed to save sex for marriage per se, but I would never have sex with just anyone, either. I can't bear to have some guy just use me for sex and then throw me away like trash. I want someone who's gonna be around for a minute and treat me with respect and take me seriously as a girlfriend. I'm really sorry about such a disgusting display of self-pity. I just don't know what to do, and I am going crazy. My mom keeps telling me to "turn things over to God," but I feel like my prayers have been ignored; when I say them, I just feel this emptiness, like no one is listening and I'm all alone. Sometimes I wonder if they're even heard.If you can help me, I will be really, REALLY grateful. I will appreciate any words of comfort or advice. Any answers I get will be really helpful as long as they aren't mean or rude. Just having someone to listen to would help me. I can't stop crying, even as I write this. I'm scared that I'm either going to go crazy or just die from a broken heart... it's a miracle that I'm even alive now. You need love to survive; it's like food. Yet I'm still alive, despite being starved for mutual love my entire life. I just can't bear another night of crying myself to sleep. I'm NOT suicidal; just so sad that I think I'm going to die of a broken heart and loneliness. All I want is to love someone who loves me back. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, MrIncredible +, writes (23 June 2010):
 Funny, but recently I posted about the same kind of feeling about my life. I just can't find my second half, no matter how I try. I am a nice guy, never curse or anything, always helpful and gentleman, but no girls has ever took it seriously and tried to pursue any kind of relationship with me. I tried being friends, but even that didn't work. I just dont have any girls that I actually know, but that's not the worst part. The worst part is, being a gentleman, and a nice guy NEVER, EVER, ever works with you, girls. You always go for a trashy bubble head, who doesn't have any future but to flip burgers for the rest of his life. I gave up. I don't see a point of changing myself, I want to be myself and I'll wait, until the day when I'll meet my sweetie.
A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I am struck by the parallel structure of your post. There are two things at work: your want to give and receive affection, and your want to give and receive sex. I admire your ability to withhold from sex, but in a sense, it is catching up with you. I don't think being a virgin at your age is creepy or weird; it's respectable. Waiting to have sex until you know that the person loves you, is willing to wait until you are ready, and won't leave you is the smartest thing a human being can do in my book. There is only one thing you can do: wait. Wait until you find someone who will give you what you want - you will find someone; you are still young. Don't let the part of you that is lusting after sex confuse the part of you that is waiting to be with someone who loves you - don't rush yourself, just wait. Once you find the person who will return your emotions as you need them, you will have sex, and it will be worth the wait. People have to wait much longer than you have before they find the right person. It has nothing to do with God, it is all your choices, so get out there and date people, experience different personalities; exploit your chances of finding that right person. We all feel very alone at times. But thankfully, for most of us, it ends at a certain point. But when that happens depends on you and your actions. Take your life in your own hands! Best to you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): i guess i get what you're feeling. some days it just comes like a wave, and it hits you so hard you wonder if it'll ever pass. i wish i could tell you tomorrow would be better.
every individual is worth more than they think in one way or another. if your love for another is not reciprocated in a mutual manner, maybe the other party is not deserving of your love in return anyway. unfortunately the only way to pull yourself out of this is to channel your emotions into other things or people..like family.
in my opinion, if it's that empty loneliness you feel, the only people in your life that can truly give you honest and unconditional support is your family. maybe they can't share your pain, or maybe they don't know how to deal with it so you feel they couldn't possibly care. i felt it helped, simply to have more family outings. sometimes even watching my little brothers play made me smile, because it made me stop thinking about myself.
but dear author, don't be sad. and don't give up.
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A
male
reader, Sailing_bye +, writes (21 June 2010):
 well, if you haven't been hearing that you are beautiful lately let me be the one to remind you that you are =). I can understand where you are coming from i've been to that point before. Cheer up because life is being wasted when feeling crummy. My guess with your past relationships is you probably haven't found the right connection yet. Im pretty sure if you just keep yourself occupied and content the right person will come along and sweep you off your feet. and there are also social networking sites if you feel like you have a harder time looking for that special someone, such as, match.com and all that good stuff. So smile more and be cheer up because you never know who's falling in love wit it. =)
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers"... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOXim5ZmSKc
Look - in order to give someone a healthy love, you have to be in a good spot in your life. Honestly, you sound like you are not, hun. You sound very very needy which will pull any man away.
You need to focus on yourself and building yourself up. Surround yourself by friends, pursue hobbies and brighten up...beeee happy! Someone wonderful will come along just like that! As soon as your life is full and happy you'll attract a good man.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, shylandavid +, writes (21 June 2010):
you dont need a counceler you dont need a man you only need one thing and thats hope,things will get better "the sun will rise again" thats what i always tell myself when im feeling down,if you want to be happy then you need to do what makes you happy,if that being iinlove then youl find someone, wana know why? cuz theirs someone exactly in the same positioon you are in right now but they wont give up either cuz the sun WILL rise again (:
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 June 2010):
 You need to first stop this negative self talk. You are not unworthy. Part of our make up is the desire to be loved, and the ability to love. It's our nature, and that nature did not skip your development. What will keep you from it, is belief that you are someone who does not deserve it. This is simply not true.
So, you want sex or you'll explode, but you have so many fears, you're building a mountain higher and higher between you and receiving what you want. You have extreme fears on how you might be treated, I feel you might be blocking yourself from taking a chance to see if you can have a loving relationship. You want all this but you're afraid of what all this will bring. If you don't open yourself up and take the chance, you will never have these experiences. I know what it's like to trust and be hurt. Even so, I have the experiences to hold onto.
You need to first begin telling yourself the opposite of what you have been. Negative self talk cripples you from achieving what you desire. Pick some things you're interested in, "art, music, reading, science" etc. and begin frequenting establishments that house your interest, for the purpose of meeting people. It's much easier to talk to a guy if his interests are similar to yours. It all begins by simply saying "hi". If you're having a good conversation, and the "date" hasn't happened yet, ask, "I'd like to continue this conversation, can we meet for coffee a day next week." It's not wrong for you to make the move.
In order for this to change for you, you need to view how you look at yourself different, and how you look at the situation. Be happy, and excited just being who you are, knowing there is someone out there waiting for you. When you view yourself with love, others will as well.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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