A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 and at the stage where I am afraid I wont find a partner to spend my life with. I have been in four relationships, the first 3 I ended because I dind't see myself with the person and the last 1 broke my heart. Finally when ive been through few boyfriends and figured out the last one was had everything I wanted, he broke my heart. I am still trying to get over him and feel I am not giving anyone a chance. I dont even date because no one interest me. Everyone i meet only makes me realize how much I miss him. I dont want to end up alone! What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, Illithid  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 I'm a 25 year old male and I have been in two serious relationships, one that ended when I found out about her several other boyfriends on the side, and the other when she dumped me without giving me a reason and insisted we never speak again. (Which is just as well, since she was "bisexual", but predominately lesbian and would never touch me.)I'm now single and worried about finding someone as well. But I'm just putting all my faith in God at this point, pouring out my heart to friends who are there for me, and working on getting myself in order. I am focusing on getting in better shape, getting my career in better order, building more of a social life outside of a relationship, and trying to remember that there's nothing wrong with being single at 25. We still have plenty of time.
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reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Even with children and a partner, in the end, you are ultimately alone inside yourself, so the best place to start not being lonely is being happy with yourself. Where ever you go, there you are, and You are the only person that you take with you! So, don't sit around waiting to meet "the person who is going to complete you". You are quite complete the way that you are! You are experiencing a loss of confidence over this last breakup, but that breakup doesn't define you or your character.
Instead of dwelling on trying to find the next guy, or the right guy, find out more about yourself instead. Think back to what you LOVED doing or have let fall by the wayside and discover other passions and hobbies. Throw yourself into them! There's nothing more attractive than someone who loves life. You might just open up a whole new world and meet new people and friends in the process, and who knows?...
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reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 First of all I am so sorry that you're going through this hurt. I know what its like to be frustrated and feel empty by someone you love who's walked away. There's a great deal of pain there, and you have to let it out and let it go.
It seems that you have basically formed an impression of the kind of guy you want in your life. That's very good. It means you've set some pretty good boundaries.
So the only thing you can do is keep searching for that right guy that won't leave you.
I know its heartbreaking. Its very hard to search out someone else for a lifetime, when you had what you thought was the right person and he's gone. At least that's the mental impression you have of your last boyfriend. But you see he wasn't for you because he broke up with you. So in a way, its better for you to realize that now.
Focusing on your present dilemma, you need to have a change of heart. In order to do that, look deep inside your heart and try and let this last guy go. I know its hard to let go, but you have to do it or else every guy's going to look bad to you and none of them will ever have a chance at connecting with you emotionally.
After all attraction and love are deem emotions in every human being.
Once you've gone past this last guy, the world's in the palm of your hands. The negative thinking is out. You can focus on spending time with your prospects and taking your time deciding who best meets what you're looking for.
Letting go means you can open your heart to someone else, and realize that there is someone out there for you. And he won't leave you. He may not be perfect, but if he truly does fall for you, he will try and be the best man for you. Isn't that what you really want?
Its that simple and that hard. They say that when this happens you need to give yourself time to heal. Its the same thing because letting go is a sign of healing.
But please don't think there's no one there for you. There is. It just takes time and patience. You have youth on your side and I am certain there are plenty of good men out there who can certainly make your heart light up and they'd be just as happy finding you. If anything, you might find a guy who's even better than the one that left.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): i feel the same way i have been through alot of pain and broken heart for the last past five years. i have tried to get past the pain and comparing them to the past but it always seems the same. if I dont know one thing for sure that worked for me before is that if you put all of the negative behavior and put it before god and trust in him it will work itsself out this works and starting today i have giving it all to him and waiting for my blessing.
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reader, Debking79 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Dear Anonymous,I asked a similar question the day before yesterday! It sucks that you feel like this, but in a twisted way, I am glad I am not alone. ;)Here is my question and several of the Agony Aunts' responses.Question:I have a full social life and am close to my family but feel like something is missing. I really want to find someone who digs me and who will take my breath away. My best friend for life.I have a lot of friends who are happily married and are getting married. I also have friends who have been divorced or are in the process of it. I am getting worried that I will never find the love of my life.I am starting to wonder if I should settle. To the other singles out there who haven't had luck finding their soulmate - Should I wait to find my best friend, lover, light of my life (I am not naiive enough to think that even that match would be perfect happily ever after and we will never hit bumps in the road)? Or should I settle with for a guy I get along with, respects me, and who I know is a good guy but I may not be in love with passionately.Thank you for your input!!Answer#1:It's a tough , tricky, two edged sword question...i like it :)I would say . that you can have a bestfriend who you have fun times with , but when it comes to a partner for life, it is not about settling but about finding the Right guy for you. If you desire passion and all that above most things than go for that. Someone outgoing and crazy that you are wrapped in and want to stare lovingly at the whole time then go for it(but this can cost career and time and other relationship wise :P)If you believe that marriage needs to be worked on and maintained and that you need to marry someone who is adaptable, good partner material,good communicator and someone you can envision as good father material than that go for that.You have to first decide what you need as a person i believe. Maybe you need someone to be supportive , to be consistant for your character to grow, outwardly loving only to you , attentive to you personality and flaws.., or, you need someone more independant and who can lead by example, who can fit with your friends and have his own friends, who you want to invest in supporting moreso, or ofcourse any of these in combination..I think when you see the guy, you will know that this is the guy you want to marry, you will see things in him that will just be suited to what you want and who you are, to what you need as an individual and what you believe is needed to sustain this sort of relationship..xAnswer#2:I am 28 1/2 and have never been married, either. I know exactly how you feel. But there is no way you should just settle for someone. For me, it is going to be worth it to wait to find Mr. Right and be 100% happy with my decision for the rest of my life, than to marry Mr. Right Now and only be 50% happy for the rest of my life. Why would you want to put yourself through years of always wondering who else would have come along? And none of this takes into consideration how Mr. Settled For is going to feel, especially if he is head over heels for you!Don't give up, we are going to find them!"Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without."Answer#3:As Bill Pullman said in "Sleepless in Seattle", "I don't want to be someone who anyone settles for. Marriage is hard enough to go into it with such low expectations."I'm sure that you will find the right guy, and when you do, you will know it. And the 'perfect guy' isn't out there, but the right guy is. He's the guy that brings out the best in you, the one who makes you want to be the best person in the world for him. XXXSome women who wait and wait and keep turning down Mr-Not- quite-rights end up the wrong side of 40 with no relationship and no kids and regret it.Humans being humans, perfection is not out there. But it is possible to find someone you really love even with their flaws.Don't just rush in and marry any old bloke. You've got a good few years left of searching. I think you will find someone you genuinely like and who's annoying habits seem quite bearable.-------------------------Good Luck!!!!Cheers,Deb
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