A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old , I have a 13 month old son ... My fiance has two children , we just found out three days ago I am pregnant.. At first I didnt know what I wanted to do , but now I realized I want to keep the baby.. We have talked about it and have tried before but now all of a sudden when im actually pregnant he wants me to get an abortion and wait until im finished with school and until we have a permanent place to live .. I am so torn I dont want to loose him or have him hate me but I cannot bare to get a abortion esp becauae im already attatched to the child. I just dont want to hate my fiance. Someone help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): - I am the person who posted the question- I forgot to mention to you that HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING, he knows im not on birthcontrol and continued to "go " in me on several occasions in one month and told me that if i ever got pregnant we would keep the baby... i am so angry and hurt and torn
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 in situations like these i would always go with your heart.. it is the women who have to carry the child inside them therefore the baby is part of you from day one, some men don't realise this and this and think it is just like a piece of garbage that we can throw away and get rid of but this is not the case.
If you feel truly in your heart that you don't want to do it then explain to him, that whats done is done, you couldn't physically go through with it, and its not just thr procedure its the feelings and emotions afterwards and in the future.. do you really want to get rid of something so precious, that you truly in your heart know that you don't want to give up?? if you feel pressured into oing this then chances are you'll hate him anyways
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Well first of all, really your fiance is to blame seen as if he does not want more kids, then he should be responsible and wear a condom. He should not be having unprotected sex if he cannot deal with the consequences!
However it sounds to me that he is being sensible - if he has 3 kids already, you are still at school and dont have a proper house to live in - then having a baby now would be really quite foolish and not fair on the child to bring it into such an unstable and difficult environment. You cannot be angry with him for expressing his opinion, if he does not want the child and has valid reasons for this then he is entitled to express this opinion. At the end of the day this baby is 50% his, just as much as it is 50% yours therefore he has every right to express how he feels about the situation.
It is incredibly hard when a woman gets pregnant for the man if he does not want the baby, because he knows he cannot really have any say in this situation. It is your body so he does not get to have a say - you technically can do what you want and he has to live with your choice, whether he wants it or not.
So here is how I see it - you want the baby, he does not. Imagine if you did not want a child then someone came up to you and told you that you were having a baby whether you liked it or not, and that against your will your life was going to change forever? I'm sure you would not be happy either!
I think that you have no right to change somebody's life against their will - so if you want to keep the child then that is your choice, but dont expect him to have anything to do with it. You are making the decision to keep it knowing he does not want it - therefore he doesnt have to be involved. You would not buy a house without taking into consideration your partner's feelings, and then just tell him "you are living here whether you like it or not" would you? I know a baby is not quite the same but in a way it is sort of similar. You cannot make life changing decisions alone and then expect the other person to suck it up and be happy about it.
Now I am not saying get rid of the child - if you want to keep it then you have every right to do so and I wish you the best. But do not expect your partner to ever support this decision or be happy about it - you are forcing him into something he does not want and he has every right to be angry and upset.
In terms of what to do next - I guess it is up to you and how you feel. Could you live with yourself if you had the abortion? Or would you regret it forever and resent your fiance for it? Or if you keep it, can you live with your fiance resenting you for bringing an unwanted child into the family? Can you live with the stress of another child in the family? Will your relationship be strong enough to deal with 4 kids, trying to finish college and no permanent home? Because dealing with a situation like that at such a young age is a LOT, and it might just break you up. So then are you prepared to be a single mother to 2 young children? Because that could be quite likely if you go ahead and have this baby - there is only so much pressure a relationship between 2 young people can take.
At the end of the day this has to be totally your choice. You have to be prepared for the outcome of whatever decision you make - so if you had the abortion you may end up regretting it and hating your fiance for it, but then again if you keep it then that might be too much for your relationship to handle and then you loose your fiance and you are a single mother. So just think it through, which situation are you happy with and which one will you not regret. Because you are going to have to live with this forever, so make sure you are happy with your decision. But remember that your boyfriend has every right not to be happy if you keep the child - you cannot force a child upon him and expect him to be happy about it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 I must say that I appreciate your bf 's point of view and I can see how it would be much much wiser waiting that you have
an education, a steady income and a permanent place to live before bringing another child into the world. And until then ,being less casual about birth control !
Said that, this is and must be , entirely your choice. If you can't bear to have an abortion, then don't have one.
Don't let anybody, boyfriend or family or well meaning advisors , push you into something that you are not 100percent comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (13 December 2010):
 explain all this to him. Someone else posted about her bf forcing her into having an abortion and she hates him now and regrets it. dont do anything you dont want to. dont regret it
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