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male
age
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*tanisaround
writes:i am obesessed with a woman of 37..i am 57...we were workamates...nearly had sex..i panicked..now all i do is think about her..every waking minute of my life...i imagine her making love to her husband..my question is..how do i get over an obseesion...any advice...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): My husband is obsessed with the married neighbor, it seems like you can't ever change that, just lose some weight. Try not to let it bother you or leave those are pretty much your choices. I'm about ready to leave myself. It makes me feel fat and ugly and it really makes me feel a bad person.
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male
reader, fuckedupdude1 +, writes (30 November 2010):
i got the same problem as you...... i got over it though...... it was not that difficult since she waz older than me..... u however must accept that she belongs to someone else as the 1st step
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Obsessed with a young 37 year old married woman? I didn't realize guys like you would be obsessed with women at that age, other than teenagers or 20 year old. But anyway, how old is her husband? If he's close to her age, like 36 or so, he might think of you as some old sexual predator stealing his woman and try to gun you down. Hey, even women in their 30s and 40s (especially when they are married and/or attractive) are also preyed upon by older sexual predators too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): i am currently in a similar situation. the worse part is that he is interested too. the big problem is that we are both married. i love my husband truely but i cannot stop thinking about the kiss. i have thought of all the reasons why we shold not be together and even prayed about it but there seems to be no point. i am thinking of giving up.
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reader, oldbiker  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Hi oldersister,
Ah now I see! If it wasn't for us married men telling all to 'Dear Cupid', there would be no site! :-) Hating to sound like an MCP (which I'm not), where would you be without us mere males? gd&r.
All the best,
Oldbiker
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male
reader, oldbiker +, writes (7 April 2008):
Hi,
One of the criticisms I have of 'Dear Cupid' is the ability of, and I will accept all the slagging that will come my way, mostly women to criticise men such as 'Stanisround' and I've been on the receiving end myself. I never realised how different the male and female viewpoints were on subjects such as this. The male seems to have roving eye and can fall for another, we don't know how to cope with it, most of us don't want an affair, we don't want to leave our wives but we can't understand why we feel affection for someone other than our partner. There will be exceptions to what I've said before and following, but women do not seem suffer from this problem. Anyone want to explain the difference between the species?
Now ducking behind the parapet (with my helmet on!).
Regards
Oldbiker
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I think you guys are obsessed because you are lonely and older. Think about it, you barely know her, yet your obsessed with her?? maybe thats why your obsessed with her because you dont know enough about her. You need to start dating or looking for singles, see if your relatives or friends know of any attractive single women your age, thats the way to get over it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): There is no easy way it seams to get over this type of obsession? 3 years and believing i had my feelings under control the object of my desire found herself a man, very successfull and respected, pow! hit me right between the eyes and all the old feelings came back to haunt me.It makes me question wether i love my wife and i am still considering leaving her. She knows all there is to know and still stands by me, i wish i could feel the affection for my wife i seem to feel for my would be partner??I've never experienced pain like it, empty, all consuming, destructive and debilitating.I'll pray to the big man again. Regards Henry b
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reader, Don Mack  +, writes (11 August 2007):
I got involved with a married woman in 1984. I met her in 1983. I did not intend for it to happen but I could not get ahold of myself. I used to have imaginary talks with her and thought of her every minute. In '84, I had some of the best moments of my life. She and her husband had a court case in '84, he went to jail for a month and she turned cold on me. To this day I don't know why. I started drinking again, heavily, day and night and from '84 to '87 wound up in the detox unit of different hospitals 37 times. By all rights I should be dead. I lost my license and used to bike ride past her house every single day. Totally obsessed. Around 1990, I moved to Florida and with the help of a female friend, I managed to return to some semblance of a life. I am still single and 63 years old now. Around 1995-96, this woman's husband died while in his forties. I always felt that would have been me from all the stress of trying to please her. My advice is if you're obsessed, force yourself to walk away from her. Be friends, that's it. The mere fact that you're looking for help is your heart's way of saying, "I need help, I'm in over my head." Walk away from her or you'll hear my words echo in your ears for years and years and years. Watch the movie "Damage" (1992) with Jeremy Irons and pay particular attention to the ending. Or if you can find it, "Obsessed With A Married Woman" with Jane Seymour is pretty accurate as to what will happen to you. I wish you the best. Now you can go back to thinking about her. Sorry for interrupting your fantasy ........
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reader, oldbiker +, writes (7 August 2007):
I'm afraid to say that I am in a similar situation. The ages are the same, both of us are married. There is no chance of an affair and both of us know that. My problem is trying to cope with the fact that, regardless of how I think I feel, there will be no relationship. As we are workmates and friends, I just have to keep my feelings to myself (altho' I have been foolish enough to tell her I'm in love with her and she has been kind enough not to laugh at my stupidity) and try and get on with life.It's not easy, I feel like some lovesick teenager, she is currently on a two week holiday and I feel lost without her.I have to say that some of the earlier answers are actually helpful to me but trying to get my feelings back onto an even keel is very difficult.At no time has she indicated that she has any feelings for me (other than as a friend) and I do regret being so frank, she does not deserve this type of unwanted attention. I know there is no easy solution, no magic answer and it is something I will have to work out my system. If I can remember the others who are important in our respective relationships (i.e. my wife, her husband and kids) who could be so deeply hurt if they knew/found out, it may bring me back to reality.
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reader, DJ8433 +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Are you married or currently in a relationship?
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reader, stanisaround +, writes (30 July 2007):
stanisaround is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontx shana 14,leonard j douglas,dj8433,quarky,not too good at this net stuff,but it's so good to have people to chat to,i actually went for counselling,and talking did help,i must sound like an old fool,but it is really affecting my homelife,i am 57,but still full of life,i read,listen to music,are there any mantras or thought waves to block out the memory of her..i just want my life back..
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reader, stanisaround +, writes (30 July 2007):
stanisaround is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhave been trying all the tricks to forget her..it's now been 4 years..my head actually hurts..i only keep going coz of my 3 great grankids and my own family...i try to think negatives thoughts about her..but my mind is full of her..i think it's coz she's 37..at her peak as a woman..whereas i am on the way home sexually...so sad...
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reader, Shan14 +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Try not to think about her, think about other things that interest you. Do things to take your mind off her and you'll get over her soon enough.
Hope this helps
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reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (30 July 2007):
You just keep what might have been as a part of your sexual fantasies, nice to have around when you need it get an erection. You don't say if you are married, no matter. She's married and the last time I look at my Good Book, "The Bible", God hasn't changed His Law's pertaining to Adultery, So I would leave that marriage well enough alone. Most of us men get into trouble when we think with our gonads instead of our brains.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Step away. Get busy and stay busy. Find something that will distract you.
I did not and fell into the web. There was some joy but far more grief and pain.
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reader, DJ8433 +, writes (30 July 2007):
You're regretting not having acted out when you had the opportunity. You did the right thing even though you think it's a missed opportunity. Are you married?
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reader, quarky +, writes (30 July 2007):
 i'm there myself too. i can't tell you how to get over her - all i can say you have to be brutally honest- can you be together, is it worth the hurt ? it's not easy but you gotta be realistsic. .
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