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writes: Have any of you ever felt like so far away from a family member,like emotionally? Well,a couple of days ago,my grandma told my mom that her aunt(my great aunt),had asked about her. My mom's not exactly fond of her. My mom told me in the car yesterday that her aunt was sometimes really mean to her,but they did once have a great relationship. She said to me,"Sometimes,you have to cut people out of your life if they treat you wrong".I knew that was the reason why I don't see my grandpa anymore. But anyway,my mother wanted me to come with her,but she really didn't want to go herself.But since we're her only nieces, she said that we should go. I hated being there,not for my own selfish purposes,but because my mom started crying.By the way,"there" is a nursing home.I hate to see her cry or sad in any way.It was so hard.Today wasn't as bad.We went and she didn't shed a single tear.But,Iwant to know,is it wrong for me to feel this way?I have never felt close to my aunt in any way.I don't even feel close enough to her to say that I love her.She would always complain and my family would always talk about her, and plus I've never spent any time with her.Like spend the night,or spend the day with her.I've just never thought about it.I just wonder if it's wrong for me to feel this way? I don't want to get close to her,as it is hard foe me to do that with anyone.But I just want to know if it's wrong to feel this way.Thanks for all the answers.xoxox Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Glad we could help. Since replying I have found out the sister in law with the baby is expecting again!! PLEASE let me have a niece this time and I promise to love her!! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): we often think it is wrong when we dont get on with a family member....but sometimes it is quite right to stay away, if they hurt you then it is for the best and no you should not feel wrong...BUT know the TRUTH before you judge,
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everybody,thanks for all your great answers!They all
really helped.And stuckinthemiddle81 and lexilou,thanks for telling me your real-life experiences.It let me know that I'm not the only one with a similar situation.
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (7 July 2008):
I have 11 nephews and I can honestly say I dont love all of them. I dont even see 5 of them from my ex husbands side only very occasionally and I dont feel 'love' for them.
I have affection for 3 of the others and one is tiny so everyone loves a baby, I only have very strong feelings for my sisters two boys, I would die for them as they are as much a part of me as my own kids and I love them to bits and I am very proud of the young men they have turned into.
So its perfectly normal to feel this way. You cant choose your family and if you did you probably wouldnt choose half of them. You just dont say it out loud to anyone who may be offended!!!! x
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 It's not wrong to feel that way. People have emotions, even as adults. It's okay, even healthy for an adult to cry every now and again too.
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female
reader, stuckinthemiddle81 +, writes (7 July 2008):
 It is perfectly fine for you to feel the way you feel. You are your mother's daughter and you have heard stories about your aunt treating your mom bad. You feel defensive about your mom--who doesn't?! I have a very similar problem actually. We have this aunt in our family who married into it, she has been nothing but trouble for my mom since my sister turned into a teenager years ago. Because of this woman, she turned my sister against my mother and now my mom and sister have had a troublesome relationship since. My mom and sister stopped going to family functions because of that aunt. The aunt buys me birthday gifts and offers me to spend the weekend at her house but I always turn her down. I don't feel anything for her. she makes me angry to the point that if something should happen to her, I would have no feeling about it. Everyone is entitled to have a certain feeling about anything in this world be it politics, animals, favorite colors and aunts. No one can tell you how or what to feel when it comes to anything in life--its all yours kiddo. Don't feel guilty for not being the ideal niece ro anything like that.And you can question your own opinions and feelings but you do not have to change them for no one else but yourself.I hope this helped! Good luck with your mom.=-)
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reader, ChiRaven +, writes (7 July 2008):
 You don't get to pick your family, and sometimes visiting with them is an unpleasant duty, but there is no rule that says you've got to like them. As with anyone, affection among relatives (even relatives closer than your mother's aunt) is something that is earned, not a birthright. Your relatives are not automatically "entitled" to it.
Don't feel bad that you don't feel especially close to this woman. She has not gone out of her way to be a positive part of your life (nor, apparently, of your mother's life either), so simply discharge your family obligations (visit her in the nursing home once in a long while, etc.) and don't worry that you don't really care that much about her.
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Its not wrong for you to feel this way. To be honest anything in regards to your aunt seem to be in the negative save from your mothers once good term relationship. Plus you have never had an opportunity, nor want an opportunity, to know who your aunt is. You only know her through comments from other family members.Its not wrong for you to feel this way and its not strange to have no feeling towards family members you rarely see or speak to. They might as well be strangers. You are still very young though and even though you dont feel like knowing who she is now in the future you may and you may regret time that may have been lost.I would say make time with your aunt and then make a decision on who your aunt is to you. I know a nursing home isn't the best place for the beginings of a dialogue, but atleast you could say you tried.
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