A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a situation that I feel like I can not get out of. I'm living with my boyfriend of five years and we have two young babies together. I don't want to be with him anymore because he drinks, and when he drinks he becomes very voilent. He beat me several times in front of the kids and twice in public. The worst beating was when we were in the car and I was driving and he was punching me in my face and my head. I'm in debit and I can not manage the bills by myself. We slit everything fifty fifty but I always get the short end of the stick when it comes to him. He is never wrong and whenever we get into a disagreement he drinks. I don't know what to do, I'm very miserable. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Hello, I know how you feel, you need to get away from him, ask family and friends for help, don't isolate, go to an emergency shelter for battered woman. I am in the same situation with a guy who beat me and drinks hes never wrong. you need to ask for help contact a church and ask for help! you need to rebuild your life without him, please educate yourself,and avoid fighting with him or answering him back he can severly hurt you or maybe worse. he may have been abused himself.Pray
Pray Pray every day and ask for help. I will pray for you it works. this guy will never love you he does not love himself until he gets help.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (19 September 2009):
 Hi.
I am concerned about your situation as of October 27 of 2008.
I would like to say that there are men that are not like him. There are men, friends of yours perhaps, that would gladly help you get out of the situation. These are the people you should be with.
I'll admit, I got arrested 4 days after you made your post. However, I got arrested for being party boy for halloween. I did not get arrested for hitting a woman and battering her emotionally, because I feel empty inside. I did not harm anyone, etc.
Find yourself a good guy. You can do better than that, no matter what he has said to you. No matter how many times he has hurt you. No matter what he has done to you. You are still a woman with her own gifts, talents, beauty, and worth.
You have the right to be happy.
If you need to talk DO NOT hesitate to call (757) 646-4624. I answer all of my calls and will not hesitate to help you any way I can.
Vincenzo
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A
female
reader, pinay23 +, writes (7 July 2008):
 If i was you I would talk to him about the drinking to stop so you can't get abused. And then bring up the kids. They should always be first. good luck. Make sure he keeps his hands off you.
My mom got beat up by my older sis stepdad. He pushed her down the stares and she ran off with her and called the police. Im not really sure how the whole story goes but now my sister has so much pain.
good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): you really need to not think about the bills and think about your childrens saftey as well as your own. money comes and goes. lives do not.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 July 2008):
 You say you can't affor too. I say you can't afford not too. What price do you really put on your life or the lives of your children? Even if he doesn't touch them physically, every time he lays a hand on you in their presense, they're picking that up. Just as you teach them to walk and talk, their viewing this violence is teaching them that it's okay. Even if it wasn't in their presence, they may experience transferance. That's where you're feers and stress transfers from you to them, then they experience the same without witnessing the actual event.
It's time for you to take care of you and your children. Tomorrow you call a victims advocate. They will help you get to safety.
I don't want you to just write this off. This is every important. It's crutial you remove your children to a safe place and do so immediately.
Here's something for you to think about. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, now imagine your two children in coffins at their funeral. I bring that up because there is a lady in the state I live who is now living that picture.
I don't always agree with split ups. In your case, this person you're with is the model aggressor which the domestic violence laws were developed around.
Please provide an update when you get settled. Take care.
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A
female
reader, stuckinthemiddle81 +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Please, the first thing you should do is go to this website: http://www.safehorizon.org/ http://www.safehorizon.org/page.php?nav=bdpage=resourcesThese are both on the same site for domestic violence/battered women. You can find a ton of information in the second link if you do not live in NYC. Through these links you can find the resources in planning to get you out of that relationship fast and safe as possible. You have to act now before it escalates to even bigger proportions--it probably already did for all I know. You need to think of your children first and protect the ones who can not protect themselves. You can do this. We're all behind you. You're a strong woman who's tolerated long enough now its time to show him you don't need him anymore. Do it for the babies. Good luck and be safe!
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (7 July 2008):
 RUN, do not walk, to the nearest shelter, and take the kids with you. You need to get the BLAZES out of that situation right now. Can I make it any clearer? Your continued well being and the well being of your children could well depend on you doing this before things get even more out of hand. Suppose you had lost control of the car, with the kids in it, because he was punching you, and been in a bad accident? Do you want to run that risk in the future?
Yes, it will leave your life in a mess because of the financial situation and the problem with custody of the kids. Those things are manageable. What is NOT manageable is continuing to live in an abusive relationship that puts both you and your children at risk. Get out and get help at once.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I know that when it comes to children its only a matter of time before the affect of the violence can be seen in them. I am glad you see this as an unhealthy relationship that you need to eject you and your children from. How is your relationship with your parents? Siblings? Friends who you think would help you and let you stay with until you could get back on your feet? The moment you leave I can tell you your partner will say all the things under the sun stating he will change if you come back, but I can promise you he wont. If he comes to you you will need to tell him he needs help and that you are not his personal punching bag. That he needs to have respect for you not only as his equal, but as the mother of his children and you will not stand to let them grow up in a violent home. If he "loves" you tell him the drinking must go and he needs to enroll in AA and actually stick to the program for many many months before you could even consider going back with him.Meanwhile you just take care of your babies the best way you can without him. You may need to contact a lawyer for supervised visitation of your children to him.In the meantime till then if he so much as frays a hair on your head you call the cops and lock him up for the night till he cools his jets. Then start looking for new places you could possibly stay. He has no repsect for you right now and there is no way to say this, but they never will till something makes them change.
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A
female
reader, SkyLaBleu +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Sweetie, you may not think I know much about this stuff but I do because my mother was in a similar situation.You need to get out.I know you're feeling if you leave, how can you support yourself and your two children alone?I promise you you'll be fine.You need to leave and in my opinion, call the cops on him.I know you'll probably disagree with that part, but it's what needs to be done.I'm not saying he doesn't love his children, but if he can beat you, you know as well as I that one day he might get a little too drunk without you around and take it out on the kids and that is not a good thing.You need to get out quickly as he is an obvious danger to you and your children.If he fights it, then the cops really need to be involved. Because of his drinking and abusive natue, the courts will show mercy on you.This I know.Believe me. I know about this.If you need anything else, any help at all, just message me hunnie.Hope everything works out.
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