A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for a little over a year, my husband and I fight constantly. I think he is cheating but I am not sure. I found a few phone numbers but nothing that confirms he has dated or had sex with another women. He has outside children and constantly lies about his realtionship with their mother I am confused. I am considering moving out with my son and moving on with my life I love him but some days I feel like I hate his dishonest ass. He has cheated in the past b4 we where married and I do not think I have totally forgiven him and do not trust him. Please advise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I know exactly how you feel. I think you should start drifting away from him, stop talking as much as you used to, try to avoid sex and dont kiss him when he gets home. If he asks why your 'acting strange' hes probably not cheating on you. If he dosent, he probably is. If you REALLLY think he is i think you should ask him about it, and if he is clearly lying. move out with your son.
A
female
reader, LISAXXXG  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 trust is a hard thing they say if you don't trust there is no relationship but its hard when you kinda think some thing is going on i think you should just be honest we always dont like the answers but at least we know then sit him down talk about it other wise its going round and round al the time and your checking up on them be strong be the one who comes across as the strong one ask him out right if he's honest he will tell yougood luck loves to you xx
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (26 July 2007):
 Good for you, just keep your wits about you.
You are doing fantastically, stay strong an stay positive, us women can do anything if we put our minds to it, we multi task and we are very strong especially when we have children to protect.
Let your mothering instincts work for you now. Protect yourself and your son and you won't go far wrong.
Good for you girlie, keep smiling eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate the advise from everyone who took the time to answer. I am going to think about what I want to do next, I plan to consult with a lawyer regarding my options as far as our house, and child support and I am looking for an apartment. But I am keeping my options open if he shows any interest in working things out then I will consider it, but I am also going to keep all my options open. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Rock chick +, writes (25 July 2007):
If you suspect, then from experience i would say you are right -
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Can i just say, if your instincts are telling you something is amiss please please please dont dismiss them, they are probably right!Some of us have extremely good instincts but dont trust them. Im guilty of it myself.Unless you have serious trust issues with guys i would walk away, in fact, run away and dont look back! Hold your head up high and eventually go find that cool person that deserves someone as loyal as you!!! They are out there!All the bestC xxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, splendid_spiders +, writes (25 July 2007):
My advice to you: if you can't trust him, get on with your life. There is so much more to life than spending your life struggling to trust your partner. When you're eighty years old, do you want to look back at your life with nothing but regret? Somewhere out there, there is a man worthy of your trust, but to find him, you must love yourself enough to know you deserve better than what you have now. So, I say ... forget the cheating, the lies and the phone numbers ... forget him and just move on! Go have a fun with your son. Go have fun with your friends. Go travel ... live life!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (25 July 2007):
Sweetheart, you need some concrete evidence really.
I know in your heart of hearts that you feel that he could well be cheating and yes more than often our gut instinct is right in this things.
You say you constantly fight with him, what are the fights about? Is it to do with him going out or the fact that you keep on accusing him of cheating?
I think the only true way of knowing for certain is to suggest some counselling and tell him that you want to get to the truth once and for all, see what his reaction is to the counselling as it is really make or break time for both of you.
Someone who wants a relationship to work will do anything to make that happen, he may be unwilling due to the amount of arguments you are both currently having but I think having someone impartial is worth a try.
Look into who or what organisation offers this service to you both and check out what sort of cost is involved.
Even if you both go for one session surely it is worth a try.
If he says no way then you know in your own mind that his enthusiasm for the relationship has gone.
You have to consider yourself and you have to also consider your son, how old is your son btw? Any amount of arguments are not good for children/teenagers to be around and it is setting an atmosphere which is not great for any child to be around.
Yes if he has children from a previous relationship then of course he should have contact, especially if he is supporting those children financially.
The fact that he has cheated in the past will not go away in your head and unless you both want to work through this together to make your marriage work then what is the point in being miserable.
You are still young and there is no point wasting the rest of your life being miserable. He may have become complacent and doesn't believe that you are going to do anything to move things forward either by splitting up or stopping the arguments.
I would suggest some counselling after doing a bit of homework into it and if that is a no go get yourself some legal advice sweetheart, make sure that both you are your son are OK.
Don't put yourselves into harms way and just make sure you plan things properly if you are going to walk away from this marriage.
Where are you both going to live, do you work, can you support yourselves. Do you have friends or family nearby who can help you through this difficult time, just think things through thoroughly before you make this dramatic change in your lives.
We are only here once and at the end of the day you have to be as happy as possible and enjoy life to the full. The first year of marriage is supposed to be the hardest but if history is repeating itself you are better off out of it.
Hope things go the way you want them to.
Keep us posted eh!
Take care of yourselves.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (25 July 2007):
 If he's cheated on you before then it may well be, he's at it again. Here are some things you can do as a checklist:
Partners who are cheating are often guilty of their actions. They will apologise over small mistakes and go out of their way to make you happy or feel pampered. He will also start showing less interest in you and will want to spend more time alone, so suggest going with him when he goes out, even if it's just a short trip, tell him you need the fresh air (and watch his face!).
Is he still being intimate with you or has this got less? Is he always tired or making excuses that he's tired? If this part of your life has lessened then this alone is a good indication he may be cheating.
When your husband is away frequently then call him on his phone to see if it's busy or turned off. If it does ring out, then hang up before he answers, you know his phone's on or not busy and that was the main reason for you calling. (You can withold your number easily at these times so make sure and do that first so he doesn't get suspicious that it's you.) But make sure the number's NOT witheld when you genuinely do need to call him as it will register on his phone as being witheld or not! (You've got to be one step ahead of him all the time).
Also check closets and shirt pockets to look for any scribbled-down phone numbers or meeting places. Check his trousers too. If you find an unknown number then call it and see who picks up. If it's not a familiar voice then ask questions to learn where they live and who they are. If you can, check his cell phone if he leaves it lying around then do so and check the phonebook (If it's not locked - which is another sign of course). Jot down all suspicious numbers and call them and notice the tone of the other person when she picks up the phone. Think carefully what you're going to say but DON'T tell her who you are at this point!
When he comes in go up and give him a kiss immediately and smell him to see if there is a "woman's smell" lingering somewhere, perfume is the giveaway here. Even check his smalls for 'signs'!!! Watch carefully when he arrives home, does he always seem to head to the shower immediately?
Another way to catch him is to follow him in a car. See where he goes, what he buys and who he meets. (Take a friend along with you for moral support and use their car). If you can, try to show up suddenly somewhere and be surprised to see your husband there. (Friend stays in the car of course). Notice his reaction. If he is happy to see you then there's nothing to worry about. If, however, he looks flustered or worried and wide-eyed, then he is surely hiding something. Ask him questions to clarify things a bit.
If nothing seems to work, go back and carry on with your investigation till you come up with something solid. Confront him ONLY when you have enough evidence against him and then decide what should be done next. If you keep on his case and he IS guilty, he WILL slip up, it's only a matter of time.
If, after a time and you still can't prove it then the last thing to try would be to hire a private investigator. They will certainly be able to come up with evidence but it can be costly and only used as a last resort.
Isn't all this is a bit devious....? Yes... but you'd never do it if you didn't have good cause to. Cheating on a partner breaks every rule in the book between you. It is a sign that the relationship is not going well and is in trouble and THAT is what the roaming partner should be addressing and working on, NOT running into the arms of another as this solves nothing, only escalates and makes the problem much worse!
Eve
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (25 July 2007):
 If you do not trust him, maybe it would be best for you to move out and move on with your life, as i really believe no relationship can work without trust.
Take care.xx.
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