A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well my boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago now. We had been together for 2 years and had been engaged for over a year. We were a perfect couple but things started to go wrong when i kept falling out with him over stupid things and now i hate myself so much for losing him and this is all my fault. Im not coping with this break up and i need help on how to cope. Things are really hard between me and him now because we find it hard to talk to each other coz it hurts so much and we also have shared friends so when i want to see them i have to see him too, so ive given up the majority of them so he can be happy. I still love him very much and have tried very hard to move on but i want him back so much. About two weeks ago he told me he still loved me lots and he was really happy that i still loved him, it was a perfect day. But yesterday i asked him if he was seeing this other girl and he said yes. i spoke to him and he said he probley wont fall in love with her and hes not over me yet. and now i feel worse than ever. Since we broke up ive overdosed more than once and have been put in hospital. Crazy i know. i didnt do it to prove i love him i did it because im lost without him. I cant even look at him anymore coz it hurts to bad. I dont know what to do, im not coping and im so confused. What can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for taking the time to reply it really helped thanxxxx
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 November 2007):
 You're hanging on to your ex because I take it he's the first real serious relationship you've ever had but you don't seem to have much confidence your yourself and felt insecure with him in case you weren't good enough for him, hence the jealousy if he ever talked with someone else. I'm sure he had and maybe still has feelings for you too but it really IS time to move on now. He'll always be your first true love and you'll never forget him however that doesn't mean he was right for you.
We have relationships with other people to see if we're compatible with them but we change as we grow older and that person you thought you were in love with starts to get your back up and the arguments start. Maybe in a few years time when you're both more mature you'll get together again but for now I suggest you concentrate on yourself more. You need to love who you are and KNOW who you are and what you want from your life. Concentrate on a great career, seeing the world, meeting new people! You have no responsibilities at your age so the world is your oyster. We don't live long on this earth so if I were you I would try to get your confidence back and assert yourself more. You can do whatever you want to in life if you're determined enough.
Stay away from him for now and keep busy. Take up new interests and concentrate on your confidence and self esteem. Here are some links that should help you.
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
http://pickbrains.com/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidence
Remember this, if he wasn't over you then he'd never see anyone else. Stand tall and move on, you don't need him now. There is someone out there just right for you and when the time is right you'll meet him... THAT I promise!
Eve
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Well I think you have taken an important step in acknowledgeing that you have problems and identifying what they are and that is always the first and most important step you can take. At least now in a similar position you wont make similar mistakes and you can take some confidence from that.
I have mixed feelings about you staying away from each other, it would be what alot of people would advise but in this instance I am not so sure it is the right thing mainly because your exile from him and your friends is part of you torturing yourself and while you are still doing that you are not really making progress.
I think you want his forgiveness and you need that to move on but of course if he does forgive you and does still love you then that may well open up other possibilities. Certainly work on yourself and show him the progress you are making. If you were pushing him that much then continue getting help and show him that you are and that you are working to change yourself. Hope that helps. Good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much taking the time to reply. It really helped. I need to pick myself up and start putting a braver face on things. But i think he left me for the right reasons, i had major jealousy problems and made him angry a lot,i spose u could say i was a bit abusive id take my anger out on him, he just didnt wanna get hurt i guess. I really dont know what happened to me. I tried to get help to sort myself out but before i knew it it was too late. I just really want to make up for what i never gave him. So u can see why i blame myself. I think me and him should steer clear from each other for a long while is that the right thing to do? Its so confusing.xxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Hi hun,
Ending a relationship, whichever one, is never easy. You've spent time with this person, you've told him your secrets and your feelings, you shared a life together for two years. If there is a true chance of fixing your relationship, try. If not... you need to start to let go, for you!
There are different options to help you cope. You can write, you can start a new sport (running seems to be of the favorite ones I know), take a class or a hobby AND look for guidance in someone you can confide. Either a religious mentor, a mental health professional, someone you admired because he/she was able to grow over a very difficult situation or a group therapy or meeting of some kind. You can do all of them for that matter.
The important thing is you sit down and you develop a plan. You feel pretty sad, there is nothing you really want to do so you force yourself to do positive things. You make a daily schedule including exercise, healthy diet, reflection time, something fun and, if possible, talking to a mentor or guide about your feelings and how you are dealing with them. You make a promise to yourself to stick to that daily plan. You can revise it if you need to, but you stick to it.
This is meant to be something mechanical to help you through the first couple of weeks. Eventually (and believe me, a LOT of us have gone through this, maybe more than once) you will start to see the sun shining again, just for you. You will start to make a meaning of the experience and you will feel less pain. This is when you really learn from the experience. This is when you grow!
When I left a bf with whom I had plans to live with, I couldn't even breathe when I was expecting a call. I cried rivers... I felt there was no way of getting over that. But I did! About 3 relationships later I've found someone who makes me really happy, and although nothing guarantees will be happily ever after, I am so grateful I did not continue that other relationship. That gave me a chance to meet my current partner with whom I've lived wonderful experiences.
It's not your goal right now, as you are just beginning your coping process, but life will go on, it will get better... you will pull through! There are wonderful things for you to live, don't cheat yourself out of those experiences.
Best of lucks and a big hug!
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (9 November 2007):
I think you are not coping because you feel responsible and I would wager any money that you are probably being too hard on yourself rather than looking at things in a balanced manner. Yes, maybe you got things wrong but I would wager a dime to a dollar that you also had real issues that needed tackling and to be honest he shouldnt have let this destroy the relationship so pretty much what we are looking at is a failure to communicate on both sides.
Turning your feelings in on yourself in a self-destructive way ultimately wont help although I know that it will feel like the best thing to do right now. Giving up your friends and sitting in self-imposed exile is also a bad idea because you need your friends now more than ever. I doubt very much your ex would want you to be this way and I suspect if he knew he would do everything he could to lift you out of it, he almost certainly wouldnt want you to give up your friends.
In all fairness if he isnt over you then he shouldnt be dating again although I can understand why he would because he is hurting inside just as much as you are. Have you spoken to him about how you are feeling? Have you apologised to him? I think maybe you should try writing him a letter of some kind to release some of the emotions you are feeling. If that isnt an option I would seriously getting one of your mutual friends in the loop of how you are feeling, if not a third-party because you cant let this spiral of self-punishment continue any further. I know it is easy for me to sit here and write this and much harder to do it so I wish you all the best. Msg me if you want :).
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Its not an easy position. But you have to focus positively on yourself before you can draw the strength to fix things with him. You will not get things right if you are at a level of OD's! Try to find yourself first. It worries me that you blame yourself for the break-up. Get out more, meet up with friends, let him see the person that you were when you fell in love. He won't come running to you if he thinks there will be more problems. Put a brave smile on (even while hurting) and face this thing. You'll be surprised what the right attitude can do for you.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Hello darling,
Nothing is worth killing yourself for, I tried it myself when my husband left me with 2 little kids.
I know how you feel, and your heart is breaking,. You feel like you will never get over it, and nothing anyone can say will make you feel better. Everyone that goes through this, fells they are the only person that has ever been hurt so bad.
But honey the truth is that nearly everyone that comes on this site, has had the same sort of things that have happened. We are all kindred spirits in a way. And can relate to each other because we have been hurt so badly. This sounds like a bad thing, but its not, its a positive thing if you really think about it.
We have all survived, and so will you. Yes it takes a long time to heal, and is a really hard struggle. But that's what makes us all, the people we are. You will get better with time, that I can tell you for sure.
Try to keep busy, start your life again, get some new hobbies. Cry when your on your own or with mates that you can leen on. But mostly keep in touch with all of us and we will help you.
XXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, Benjo +, writes (9 November 2007):
Hi,I know you feel terrible right now but hurting yourself even more by overdosing is not the way to go. It's good that you can still talk to him but unless you have closure you aren't going to be able to move on, and that is something you need to do to be happy again.You said you both still love each other so is there a chance of you getting back together? Have you asked him to? Would you take him back now he has been seeing somebody else? Ask yourself these questions and then, if you want to, ask him what he wants to do. Don't allow yourself to be messed around though, he has to be very clear that he wants things to work with you if you are to try again and you have to be sure it's what you want.If that isn't going to work then you have to worry about yourself and not him, maybe you have a few girlfriends that are just your friends and not his? Keep busy and do things with them as much as possible, do everything you can to take you mind of things. Try reading this forum and look at other people's problems - you're not alone in this kind of thing, in fact read mine and you will be able to relate to how I feel at this point in my life.I got a fortune cookie the other day and it said "There are no endings, only new beginnings", so although you are very sad at the moment that things did not work out, maybe they didn't for a reason. Time will tell, it doesn't sound helpful right now I know but you WILL feel better in time, you will move on and you will meet somebody else who you love one day - your new beginning.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (9 November 2007):
My dear,there's a silent rule of love,NEVER LET GO OF DA ONES YOU TRULY LOVE.I feel your pain but again i really wonder if yo dude seriously wants you back.I think he's not putting in more effort to get back with you.If you really feel that way,go back to him and tell him you need him more than ever and want him back.What's the use of feeling so bad and trying to kill yourself and not talking at all.Do your part,ask him back but don't seem so desperate because he may take advantage of that.If he still loves you as he claims he'll not ignore your pleas and he'll surely seriously consider it.If he doesn't,move on.Make new friends,go out,talk to a counsellor/psych and someone close to you.Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, piggy babe +, writes (9 November 2007):
it sounds like you both need to sit down and have a long talk tell him how you feel not just about him but in yourself as well he might be feeling the same way or maybe he just got scared about were you were going together as a couple but tell someone how you feel and get help or one day your cry for help will be too late.
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