A
female
age
30-35,
*etright11
writes:so my friends might think im a prude because they're always flirting with guys and kissing them, and i'm like always there without a boyfirend. dont get me wrong alot of guys find me very attractive but none of them have the guts enough to ask me out. i dont know why? its really frustrating... please help me. im getting my focus off what really important homework and stuff....
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female
reader, getright11 +, writes (16 October 2008):
getright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah.... I've been taking your advice and been talking to some guy friends more... I guess it's working I've definitely been a changed person.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): firstly-a long of things are hard, but i've found that after u've done them u think 'hey that wasn't so tough'. but u have 2 do them first. think of ways to make it easier on u. practice breathing, u c guys everyday, school shops friends, gym, church. Script out an opening line such as 'hey that class was great (boring) or' wow great car' 'it's great weather 4 a swim or barbecue' 'wot do u think of britney's new vid'. keep it cas @ 1st, baby steps.
dreams r usually a manifestation of what's bothering u (in ur case maybe a fantasy of the dream guy that you don't or hardly know) trust me most real guys r very diff from the dream. these dreams will go when u have real interactions, friendships BFs.
can u talk 2 a brother, cuz, class or uni mate, guy friends in a group of friends u hang out with. just be friendly & chatty at first and not sleazy etc.
u also say u r missing a love connection(?) it's common to 'want' the right person who fulfills u, but bear in mind that 'before u can love someone else' u have to love urself first.
u seem a lovely, wonderful, focused lady who is just confused about not having a bf right now. this will change. smile, have fun and enjoy coz dating is supposed to b fun. again good luck & god bless.
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A
female
reader, getright11 +, writes (16 October 2008):
getright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow. thanks. im gonna try but its going to be really hard.... but i have no clue as to what might be really bothering me.....i keep having these intense dreams of these guys i dont know... maybe im lacking a sense of love?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Firstly I commend ur focus on studying etc. To answer ur question - u stop focusing on it by replacing it with another passion (sports, friends, interests, academics etc) BUT that isn't the true answer as it's bothering u 4 a reason. the longer answer is be approachable, chatty, friendly & signal to guys that you would could say 'yes' to a date (without being slutty - easy) also form more guy friendships. both r actually pretty hard to do. u say that guys do not have guts to ask u out (which is true - rejection is tough) & guys pick up on that thru body language. good luck & god bless.
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A
female
reader, getright11 +, writes (14 October 2008):
getright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni tried that once in 7th grade, but the guy thought it was a joke and didnt take my question seriosly..... after that i never ever asked a guy out. thats not me. & your advice was amazing. i did take it very seriusly and to the heart. i feel alot more clear minded now. thank you so much.... but its gonna be hard seeing all my friends with 900boyfriends and me with none. but like i said dont get me wrong yeah i am a very attractive girl, guys have even told me but none will give in and ask me out....... they will go out with a not so attractive girl and not try me?
the world is confusing....
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A
male
reader, Crilitho  +, writes (14 October 2008):
It's very easy for those who have passed through senior/secondary/high school, because we can look back and say:
"Focus on your life, focus on your happiness, get new friends with better values, forget about dating guys for now, focus on your studies, you will meet a great guy when you're at university and your friends are working at Walmart, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc..."
It's difficult, to look at this advice and take it seriously. The annoying this is, it 'is' good advice! Very good advice. The fact is, in 6-7 years time, you will look back on your younger years and scoff.
You're in an environment that is difficult to shun, because you risk being mocked, humiliated and branded names. Regardless of what people might say, this will effect you as a young woman growing up.
My advice, as a guy, talk to your friends about who they think likes you, this shows you are interested in other guys but avoids the "slut" lable. If you could take it a step further, why not do the entire male population a favour and actually ask a guy out? (Just make sure you're 100% certain the guy likes you to avoid that rejection you hate)
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A
female
reader, getright11 +, writes (14 October 2008):
getright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes thank you but it's like I'm in an environment where everyone has a boyfriend, even the un-attractive girls and I'm sitting there with no boyfriend, friends who possibly might be talking about me and horrible grades... I don't know what to do anymore... everyone acts like they are better than one another and it's really sad...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Congrats congrats. I have a friend who is going through the same thing. She is a beautiful young woman, and cant get a decent guy to agree to a date with her. in any case i would like to say that virtue is a treasure that should never, NEVER be comprimised. There are so many guys that are looking for a quick sexual fix, and there are so guys few that cant find a decent girl who respects herself and her virtue. Stay strong to your morals and let me give some advice. 1. Develop talents and gifts that you would enjoy. 2. Start checking off goals and objectives in life. 3. Serve those around you in any way you can. As you show and share service with others, you will eventually find a man who shares and believes the same things you do. 4. Find friends with higher standards. This is just a start, but dont lose hope and stay the course.
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A
female
reader, kaui57 +, writes (14 October 2008):
I want to commend you for not being the flirty girl that kisses all the boys. A guy will respect you more for NOT being that girl because boys tend to categorize those girls as "teases" or the "easy" girls. I'm glad that you have enough integrity within yourself to not follow the crowd. You're definitely not a prude. Some guys get scared especially when there's a pretty girl. They don't know how to act themselves and that means that they don't ask that pretty girl to be their gf. Just be friends with the guy(s) that you're interested in and don't put so much focus on the fact that you're without a bf at the moment. You can't force love, and I know that's not what you want to hear but when the time is right and the right guy comes along, he will gather enough courage to ask you out. Just have faith girl! You'll find a good guy that will respect you and like you for being yourself.
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A
female
reader, getright11 +, writes (14 October 2008):
getright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know but i dont like rejection.... i would but if i do start to see guys and stuff my friends will call me slut and easy.....
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A
female
reader, SarahOwen  +, writes (14 October 2008):
Sweetie, you can ask guys out... There's no law against it. Try it. See what happens...
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