A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a female friend that ended up telling me she is attracted to me and she really likes me. She is an attractive woman and I do like her and her personality. We hang out every weekend with our neighbors. The only thing is I'm married and she's married. I'm cool with her husband and I feel funny talking to her sometimes now. But the interesting thing about it when we all hang out. She get's real flirtatious and he acts like he doesn't care. Come to find out they are not getting alone because he has been cheating on her several times. So that explains why he's that way. She told me she's fed up but will not leave him. My marriage is good at times but sometimes not that great. I'm trying to figure out a way to get her to fall back before something happens with us. Because the attraction is strong. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, zfor  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 this is risky ground. Lets look at the facts
A woman whos marriage is on the rocks because "SHE" is being cheated on takes an interest in you "HER FRIEND" - this is very flattering and probably made you think "hey i still got it ;)" - i call this rebound or payback
You are married and although you have some problems i am assuming you never cheated on each other. - don't ruin what you have for a quick fumble with a friend who is hurting.
If you "truly" believe you could have something with this woman then think.... how would you feel if it was your wife with "her" husband? hurt i should imagine.
I think you need to tell this woman to keep her distance its not fair on you or your wife for her to try and manipulate you this way. Don't get involved yes it is a boost to anyone to know someone fancies you but we don't all give in to temptation.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (6 May 2010):
 @ ManAfterChrist- excellent advise and your right I came strong and not because I missed read I was giving him a glimpse into the possible future but I could have chosen different words...but once he said his marriage as well wasn't rosy I felt he was setting his mind up without even knowing...But I agree *OP Let your wife know whats going on and cut ties with this couple stop hanging around with them..
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Their marriage is broken, he probably doesn't care. He definitely does a little on the outside, but he's already proven to be pretty heartless by cheating without worries.
Like you said, you want to let her down easy without causing a scene. This is really hard. If she's embarrassed, if she's hurt, if she's angry, or even if she just wants her husband's attention from it, she will cause a scene. That's why I would caution you to please talk to your wife about it first. That way, if she tries to turn this around on you, you have already made it clear that there is nothing between you, and your wife will back you up.
If you are afraid your wife will make a scene... well, maybe that's a fear to put aside. If your wife gets angry, it's rightfully so. If she decides to confront your neighbor directly, things may get ugly, but your marriage stays strong.
Let me know what happens. Please judge for yourself what is best, but also head my warning. If your neighbor turns this around and you haven't told your wife, you could be holding your own against your wife and two neighbors very quickly.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Thanks for everyone who responded.
ManAfterChrist,
Thanks for identify what I was saying. I wasn't planning on cheating with her. She is coming full-court press. As I stated before her husband acts like he doesn't care when she gets real flirtatious with me when we hangout. I guess because he's doing his on thing. We all hangout and I'm trying to get her to understand without causing a scene. Granted she's an attractive woman but I'm trying to let her down easy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Hey man plse do not go down that road with her. Both her and her hb have so. Little respect for each other and their marriage and they care less if they f*ckup another marriage. This woman has no respect for herself therefore she cares nothing in making a play for someone elses husband. How would you feel if Your Wife was playing around with her hb? You may be tempted to get some on the side but be aware of the consequences: it means that you marriage will be over. If you think your wife will never find out, think again. After all what is good for the goose is good for the gander and vice versa. So if you play around let's hope you can extend the openness and tell your wife to go for it as well. Use the same energy and passion ytou have for your wife instead.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 You are married, she is married but you ARE NOT MARRIED TO EACH OTHER!!
Go home and sort out your marriage and forget about having an affair, all you will gain out of it is destroying lives.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Stay away from her. She is a temptress and you will soon fall under her powers. She will only use you and then will kick you to the kerbs.
Think of your marriage and your wife. Do not eat the forbidden fruit ,for its aftertaste is putrid and very sour.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2010):
 I have to add that I think she may be using other men, yourself included, to get back at her cheating husband. She's probably trying to get under his skin and either consciously or subconsciously targets guys who find her attractive. I doubt it's a good idea to feed that particular me-monster. If I'm right, she'll escalate to the point of getting attention from her husband, and that could either be positive or negative attention. I'm guessing negative. You don't want to be in the path of that wrath. Definitely steer clear.
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (5 May 2010):
Whoa whoa whoa Raiders, he's not trying to cheat on his wife. He's looking for a way to tell the woman without causing a scene.
First thing, tell your wife. If the woman takes rejection poorly, she may try to tell your wife that you came on to her. I've seen it happen before.
Second, say exactly what Tisha said. You are flattered, but nothing will ever happen.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2010):
"Hey, I'm flattered that you think I'm attractive. But I have to be clear. Nothing is going to happen between us. Nothing. I'm going to focus on my marriage. That's all I've got to say about this, so let's just stay friends, and leave it at that. Thanks."
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (5 May 2010):
Poster Have you notice that when a person wants to get involve in an affair they all sing the same song, things are not ok with me and my spouse. I hate this song you should just be honest and say - I want to screw you and cheat on my wife, I will not leave my wife but I will keep you on the side as long as you allow me too, and if you tried to leave me I'll tell you lies and seduce you off your feet to keep you from leaving me.--
Anyways Poster your here for advise and I will tell you that you two have mutual friends in common and that is a big risk factor in getting caught. Be careful before you get involve with this other women stop and think are you prepare to loose your wife for this fling. Are you prepare to get your butt kick by this other women husband.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 May 2010):
Go back home to your wife and work on your marriage. This other woman is not interested in anything else other than her own needs. If she was really that interested, she'd get a divorce. You will needlessly end up hurting two people for no reason if this goes further. You say your marriage is good at times. Well make it better. Her marriage is breaking down and she won't do anything about it. That gives her no right to try and assist in wrecking yours. Go home to your wife.
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A
female
reader, Sakuchanz +, writes (4 May 2010):
It seems to me like she's using you as an outlet to get back at him. He's cheated on her so it seems like a good idea to "do it back".
If attraction is strong, remember why you married you wife and why you chose her of all people to spend the rest of your life with her. This is a perfect example of temptation.
If this helps, if something does happen with this other woman, remember that by being with someone who is willing to cheat with a married man, what makes you think she won't do the same to you?
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