A
female
age
36-40,
*arahEW1
writes:I broke up with my uni boyfriend over a year ago now, but we've stayed in touch. We had been together for about 2 and a half years and looking back, I think breaking up was hasty. I did need to do some 'work' on myself (which I feel i now have) and there were a few issues, arguments and stuff but we did really love each other.Now I'm thinking, how often do you fall in love with someone like that? How often do you feel that kind of closeness where somebody knows you inside out and accepts and loves you for who you are? So many memories. I miss him a lot :(At the time when we broke up it was a mutual decision because we'd been arguing a lot about silly things and it was starting to get exhausting. We didn't want to end up hating each other... and we did leave the door open for a possible reunion in the future. Well I hinted about that to him a while ago and he said no, possibly because his love life had been quite complicated (we've both seen other people in the past year or so but are both currently single).Well, I'd really like to get back together and I have a feeling he might still have feelings for me... it's hard to say though. The other day I found a card he sent me for valentine's day, addressed to 'the one i will always love', there was other stuff in there and it was just really beautiful and made me feel quite sentimental. I wonder if he does still love me.Officially we are just friends... he came to see me recently, picked me up from my house and we spent a really nice afternoon, then he had dinner at my house. He also has invited me to come and see his new flat in London and for us to have a day together 'doing something nice'. So, do you think he still has feelings or could this just be a friend thing? He's never made a play for me since we broke up but then I know he's quite a 'sensible' steady guy and wouldn't just want sex, or necessarily feel confident about doing something if he wasn't 100% sure. I don't want to put myself on the line either, but I'd love for us to give it another go.Any advice?Sorry this is long but basically the questions are:- is it likely that he does still love me, based on the stuff I've written?- how can I go about getting back together without going out on a limb too soon and messing it up.Thank you SOOO much for any help at all that you can give. This is really important to me and I'm not sure who to ask about it, hence I've decided to come on an internet forum!
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SarahEW1 +, writes (5 May 2010):
SarahEW1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for these two responses, I really appreciate it. I think he probably does still love me deep down - he's that kind of person and also, if he didn't still love me then he wouldn't stay in touch, take me out for lunch, invite me to come and see him etc. I mean, I know on the surface it's all 'just friends' and that's all well and good but there's something else there and always will be...
It's just frustrating as I don't know how to turn that into getting back together. He's naturally cautious - once bitten twice shy, which I respect, but I do love him so much and I've matured since we broke up. How do I move us towards getting back together? I think it would have to be a gradual process if it's going to happen at all. I just don't want so much time to go past that it's just too late.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Yes he does love you. If he didn't, he wouldn't have any contact with you or spend afternoons with you, etc. However, it doesn't seem like he wants to give it another go. If he did, he wouldn't have said NO when you asked him to give it another go.
There could be so many reasons for this. But since you were the one to bring up the possibility of rekindling your romance and he declined (for whatever the reason) then I say the ball is in his court. There isn't much more you should say to that extent. I mean since you love him you can continue to show interest by being there for him, and doing the little things you know he likes, maybe something will spark. But also keep in mind, that maybe it won't...so it is up to you to decide if you think it is worth a try even if it doesn't amount to what you would like.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 I'd recommend to not forget, but not judge now, with the past. He's asking you to spend time with him. It may be as friends, but that is where you are at now, so treat it as such, and let it redevelop into something more if that's the direction it's meant to be and that it will go. This is not about picking up where you left off, but starting fresh, coming together, and seeing if where you are now grows into something more. With your friendship, now is the time to have new experiences with him and see where it goes without trying to rush the process.
...............................
|
