| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, I've been happily married for 10 years. I recently met a really nice guy who i thought would make a good friend. We have been chatting a bit; he calls to my place of work to see me (i work in a public building). He doesn't text or email me very often, even though he has my number/address. Last week, he confessed he has feelings for me. I told him that if i was single, i'd definitely be interested but that unfortunately i'm married. I want to stay happily married!I haven't heard from him since, even though he said he'd see me before the end of last week. Do you think that's it? I've really enjoyed out talks, and will miss them if he's decided not to pursue the friendship. Either way, i'd like to know. Friends or not. He knew i was married from the start, and he's single.
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female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 Hey, there. Yes, I think it's over for you 2. He told you about his feelings simply to hear what you'd have to say about it. He was looking for some confirmation that you maybe felt the same. (Been there....)In the long run, not seeing this guy again will probably save your marriage from great ruins. I think you know this. And, you wouldn't have posted this question if you didn't have some feelings for him that were teetering on the brink of improper..(to put it lightly). It happens..just be glad nothing came of it. He also may be a bit embarrassed about sharing his feelings for you. Hey, feel free to email me..I can relate to you ..trust me.
A
female
reader, george81  +, writes (18 January 2007):
It will hard not to want to get in contact with him, but don't for the sake of your marriage, that way you will be able to resist the temptation if he ever makes a pass at you.
If I had been in this situation like this I would never had told you, as he was looking for something to happen so you would take it further. I think he has been selfish in telling you, so it's got it off his chest, but now your the one who's being made to feel guilty for not returning his feelings.
Be brave and stay happy, try to remember why your married your husband and the things he does that make you smile! If you do see this guy again, just think of your husband & everything he does to make you happy.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, george81 +, writes (18 January 2007):
It will hard not to want to get in contact with him, but don't for the sake of your marriage, that way you will be able to resist the temptation if he ever makes a pass at you.
If I had been in this situation like this I would never had told you, as he was looking for something to happen so you would take it further. I think he has been selfish in telling you, so it's got it off his chest, but now your the one who's being made to feel guilty for not returning his feelings.
Be brave and stay happy, try to remember why your married your husband and the things he does that make you smile! If you do see this guy again, just think of your husband & everything he does to make you happy.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (17 January 2007):
 You are happily married, stay that way.
This guy must really respect you as he is staying away. Best way.
Try not wish the friendship back, not just yet until his chrush is gone.
If he stays around, he may cloud your feelings, confuse you and lead to end of your marriage.
Be strong. x
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A
female
reader, SERENE  +, writes (17 January 2007):
I had a similiar experience, but I did not have the strength to stop at friendship. I know that I really enjoyed the attention I was given, and I felt on top of the world. I waited for this "friend" to call me, and when he didn't I missed it.I always said to myself that I know myself better than anyone else and I would NEVER have an affair. Boy! was I wrong! You are happily married, stay that way.Sometimes it's difficult to seperate friendship from personal attention. He is really doing you a favor by staying away, because I think you are going to see him differently now, that he has mentioned that he has "feelings" for you. Be strong if you see him again. Don't give him any false hope if you are going to stay in your marriage. Affairs destroy you, turn away now. Good luck and God bless !
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A
female
reader, eternalleroze  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 hi gal!
Wake up smell the coffee ! he thought u would end ur marriage for him , or better have an affair , married women are easier targets for short nonchalant affairs than single women who demand more!!!
I think 10 yrs of marriage does make one slide a bit , and take it for granted , but love and marriage always needs a lot of work put into it.
He is gone , and so be it ... find some girl friends to talk to...!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 You sound confused and ready to take a step over the edge. You're leading yourself down the path that so many people do. People often try to put themselves above temptation. You're showing all the signs of somebody who's soaking up attention from a person outside the marriage.........here's the scenario
your marriage is in a mini rut
this guy makes you feel like a teenager
it's OK though because you know you're married
you've told your husband about your friend becasue that kind of makes it innocent
you left out details though
you prepare yourself if you know you'll see him, clothes make up etc.
he takes the "friendship " to the next level
coffee, lunch, secret meeting
you think it's still OK, you're strong, you told your husband and afterall you're married
then, you cheat
It's the classic unfolding of a disaster.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Do I think it's over? I certainly hope so! You're married. He knew you were married and still put you in this horrible position. He was thinking only of himself and now that you've turned him down he's gone off somewhere to lick his wounds. I assume he'll be back eventually but you need to be very careful about what impression you give him. This part of your life ended the day you got married. You're committed to one person now.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (17 January 2007):
 If it isn't it, it should be. He made his intentions known and you told him that you were "unfortunately" happily married. I don't get the "unfortunately" part, but that's for you to figure out.
He wants to pursue more than a friendship. . . and you're married. That should end it right there. . . unless you want to ruin your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Unfortunately for who that you're married? you, or him?
I think the guy is doing a sensible thing, keeping a distance from you. If he didn't, are you sure you'd stay friends with no possibility that things could develop?
You should feel thankful to this guy, he must respect your marriage. Plenty of other people wouldn't do this. Take a look in our Marriage problems area you will see how easily things like this turn in to affairs.
Personally I only have one married friend, and I find she talks to me a lot about quite personal things as they are going through a difficult time at the moment. I respect her marriage and her husband (although I have never met him) and so I make sure I keep a sufficient emotional distance from her and give her advice towards for her marriage rather than herself.
You're happily married, stay that way by keeping away from possible temptations, once you've both admitted having feelings for each other it's best to end the friendship for the sake of the marriage or be very careful to make sure you do stay just friends. You might think that is a bit much but you feel happy in your marriage right now, imagine if you were going through a difficult patch and this "really nice guy" was in your life... you see? That's what I think any way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): hes doing the sensible thing, and credit to him. hes found out your married and hopefully has no intention of trying to brake that. hes giving you space and time between each other so you can get over this..which your obviously not doing, let him go, hes just a friend with a crush.. concentrate on your marriage
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