A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am 15 and in love with my 20 year old sister. when i was about 10 she used to put lip stick on and kiss me on my cheek ect. how do i find out if she loves me without me asking her Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (29 January 2008):
While I can understand the variety of reactions you have received on this I am concerned that you seem to have had little assistance in figuring out what to do.
At your age you are discovering adult feelings for the first time and with an intensity that may be almost shocking.
Clearly you have two major barriers to realise and address.
1) You are still a minor (underage) and so even if the family connection was not a barrier the age you are now would be. Furthermore the law is very unforgiving and not at all understanding when it come to sexual relationships with underage people. So you must accept that for that reason alone your sister would be at grave legal risk if you did do anything about it.
2) Sexual relationships inside close families are also illegal in most countries. Often this is largely because of traditional religious values, but there is also some medical evidence to indicate that some other problems can result from such a relationship. Again you would not want your sister to have to deal with these consequences.
The big thing though is that while your feelings are real and intense and while I have no doubt that your sister loves you in a conventional brother / sister way, you still have to find a way of feeling comfortable within yourself.
I guess if I was you I would things about talking to your sister when you are able to have a quiet conversation, and telling her that you have a crush on her. I have carefully chosen the word 'crush' rather than 'love' because while both are closely related they are different and it is my belief that what you feel is a normal teenage crush. All through the ages boys and girls have had these ion family members, teachers, celebrities, neighbours, etc. It is a normal feeling as your progress through puberty and your mind and body become adult.
In your conversation with your sister, tell her that if at any time now or in the future she feels you are out of line in your feelings and actions towards her, that you would like her to understand and to help you deal with the situation.
Most sisters I think would be helpful though many might also be shocked at first. Don't promise undying love and don't abuse her trust in you. Do listen, really listen, to what she has to say. Do not be afraid to ask questions. The best way to manage these feelings is to have honest communication with your sister.
I must caution you however, if your sister does return your feelings with equal passion then you do have a problem. It might be nice and comforting to know that she feels that way but the legal problems could ruin both your lives and divide your family and community. If it turns out you both do feel the same then you must make some mature decisions and figure out a way of protecting each other from crossing that boundary.
You should be aware that it is common for girls when they begin to experiment with makeup to use any available target. My sisters used my father when her was asleep on a Sunday afternoon. They also used the dog, dolls, each other and so on. I had the advantage of being a lot older and not taking Sunday afternoon naps so I escaped their attention.
I wish you luck in growing up and hope you find the answers you seek.
Cheers
A
female
reader, Starry Meadow  +, writes (12 January 2008):
That's pretty hard. The only way to know is to ask, but that would bring up the possibility of losing your realationship with her as a sibling.By the way, though I personally would go for that with anyone in my family. I truely believe that as long there's love and genuine feelings from both people, there's no such thing as a wrong kind of love. But anyway, if you and her have a close realationship and you really feel that she would listen to you, then take her aside and talk to her. Tell her how you feel and ask her what she thinks you should do. After that at least you may have an idea of what she feels and can better determine what to do next.
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (3 January 2008):
 Oh dnt be silly, you can't be in love with your sister??? Maybe you just look up to her? But if you seriously have strong feelings for her, then for christ sake don't tell her! She loves you in a brotherly way, don't embarrass yourself by comfronting her! x
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A
male
reader, Dangly +, writes (2 January 2008):
Do not say anything to her! you probably love her as a family member! If you say anything to her, she will laugh in your face and think your a freak. That is for definite. Also if she did love you, you cant do anything anyway, its illegal, and wrong. Do not tell her, forget it, and find a girl you actually properly love. I dont mean to sound harsh
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (2 January 2008):
 No offence but incest is a crime and its more then likely she loves you BUT as her lil brother not anything else so i definetly wouldnt tell her but try and find a girl your own age who IS NOT a relative
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A
male
reader, adrsep4 +, writes (2 January 2008):
Dude get real. u cannot say u love your sister unless its brother sister love. sorry but truth is its just not normal to say u love ur sister like that
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