A
male
age
30-35,
*enry08
writes:So I feel like the most terrible human being because of this, i've only told one person of this but I need the advice of someone who has delt with it....I'm completely and totally in love with my best friends wife, she's absolutely the perfect woman, she and I have been friends for about ten years, I graduated with her brother and my friend who is now her husband, there was always a hint of something between her and I but (and here is the bad part) he left for the army and is now stationed in afganistan and her and i have come to be closer friends since he's been gone we are almost inseperable, and I don't know if there's anything between her and I anymore and I'm scared to say anything because I don't want to lose that friendship, but I'm running out of time because in October she will be moving back to Italy because her husbands tour is over and if I don't tell her before then I may never get the chance to again......please help me......I'm to the point where I'm sick over this and losing sleep.....do I tell her and chance having everything I've wanted for 6 years or bite my tounge and live wondering what if? :-(
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male
reader, mrvhappy  +, writes (29 June 2010):
Hi there,
I had something similar happen to me... a Mates Wife is in love with me.
Stay away. dont spend time with her. Try not to be alone with her this will only make things difficult.
Find a woman for yrself and you will be much happier. Trust me I have been there!!
A
female
reader, May27 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 It doesn't sound to me as if he's asking for permission to bang his best friend's wife while he's overseas. It sounds to me like he feels trapped by his love for her. He just wants to talk to someone about it... at least that is the impression I get.To me you have two options:1. You can respectfully tell her how you feel in a controlled environment - as long as you are ready for the consequences (as neptune said). This doesn't mean with mood-lighting or a bunch of cologne. Don't try to make her fall for you. Don't sleep with her! Don't kiss her or do anything morally wrong and inappropriate. Please, that will only make it worse. I understand that you want to be freed, but you do have to accept that she is married and married to your best friend at that. Be respectful, but if she is open-minded and understanding, you two can talk about it and you'll find some peace.If she confesses that she loves you too and that she'd be willing to leave her husband to be with you, then be prepared for the consequences. You will almost certainly lose your best friend and there is always a chance it wouldn't work with you and her anyway. That is a low-down dirty thing to do to your best friend in the first place, but all is fair in love and war, right?Also, there is a very real possibility that she will not feel the way you want and think she may feel. She married another man and has never attempted to have a relationship with you. There is probably a reason for that. By confessing, you may ruin your relationship with her and with him but at least you were honest and are now free from wondering "what if".2. You need to move on. If you can bare watching her move away without telling her, then that is probably your safest bet. She'll be gone and out of your life and despite how wretched that sounds right now... I think you will fair better in the long run. I'm sure it seems as if you'll never get over her but I promise you, you will.Something has to change in order for you to feel better. You either need to get it out or get out of it, but (again) please be mature and respectful when you decide your fate. You can't change what you do after you do it. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, QZ +, writes (28 June 2010):
 It looks like we have two opposing views here (either go for the girl or let her go), and I have to agree with the latter of the two. How terrible would you feel if you were risking your life over seas and your supposed "best friend" hooked up with your wife while you were gone? Not too good I bet.
Also think of it this way: if she's willing to cheat on her husband with you, who's to say she wouldn't do the same to you if the two of you got together?
Move on. Find someone who's single and NOT married to your best friend. It sounds harsh, but it's the right thing to do.
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A
female
reader, ctds001 +, writes (28 June 2010):
Your friendship with this lady and her husband is worth more then getting your feelings off your chest.
She is married to your friend and vowed to stay with him. You will find your own woman one day.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, neptune +, writes (28 June 2010):
 This is very difficult. I was in a similar situation as you. It was the hardest choice ever but i believe that you should follow your heart. It might seem selfish but for your own sake i believe it would be the best to tell her how you feel. But if you do be prepared for anything. So if your not willing to loose her then dont say a word but you never know what might happen. You dont want to be living your life in a "what if told her".
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Saying anything to her risks undermining her marriage, and stabs your "best" friend in the back. An honourable man would keep his mouth shut. A selfish kid would try to steal the girl.
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