A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hELLO Everyone..i have a quite weird problem..its a sex related problem..the thing is when i have sex with a girl that im basically not really attracted to or like a one night stand..my sex performance is just amazing..i last so long and i feel soo hard and i make suure that the girl really enjoys having sex with me..so far everything sounds good right? well no..as soon as its a girl that i really like or even someone that i know..then something goes wrong..i suck soooo much in bed to the point that i come after like a minute!!! its soo crazy coz i always have this confidence that i build while having sex with randoms..but then as soon as someone i know..it all goes away...i dont know though...is it just coz im like thinking about it so much? coz i have those thoughts that the girls that i know might talk about this with their friends and how bad i am ( even though im not really !!!! its just with the people i know ) and thats why maybe i cant make love to them the way i do with the people that i dont know !! what you guys think about this and how should i get over this problem!!thanks in advance
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confidence, one night stand Reply to this Question
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (3 June 2011):
This is like an athlete or actor being wonderful in practise/rehearsal but awful IRL. Too much thinking!! Also I suspect that you're not afraid of a one-night stand because you already know in advance you're not going to see her again, so your performance doesn't matter. As a result you are relaxed and having a great time. Well, try getting to know a 'meaningful' girl a bit more before bedding her, then tell her your problem. If you then perform like a horizontal athlete, no problem, tell her she's cured you. If you don't she'll at least know she means a lot to you and will be willing to help.
A
female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (3 June 2011):
it's because you're nervous and want to impress the girl that you like. Guys especially need to be relaxed and confident in order to enjoy/perform well, or even be aroused at all. With the girl that you don't care about, you're not worried about making mistakes.
I don't know what to tell you about how to be less nervous around girls you like. Practice? Wait longer for sex? How about just pleasuring her without actually having intercourse? Then you can learn what she likes and get more confident when you know that you're turning her on.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Why not try waiting to have sex with a girl you really like and want it to work out. Instead of wooing her in bed, woo her outside of the bedroom for a couple three months. Build the foundation for a true friendship, then when you are quick, she will get that it's a valentine. In a secure loving relationship your stamina and anxiety will steadily improve right along with your real relationship. Stop having sex with random, too. It changes who you are and how you treat all women. Women are
Not a commodity.
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