A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Look this might sound stupid but I really need help. I have been trying to have sex for three years. I have a long term partner, everything is good. I am just very very tight! At first I couldnt even get my OWN finger in, let alone a penis, but now I can manage three of my own (its taken a year) and one at most two of my partners fingers. But thats it. It seems to strech anymore. I have seen a dr, and everything down there is normal, I have had counseling but I had a great childhood, no sexual trauma and I wasnt taught sex was bad. I have tried lube, I have tried differnt positions, I have done everything I can think of! Can anyone here suggest SOMETHING. All I get from the Dr is to keep going at this slow pace and things will happen, but I cant take another three years to get to the point of having sex. I am almost 30!Please help, give me ANY advice, even if its trivial or seems obvious- as I am really concerned. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Google "vaginismus", as what you describe sounds an awful lot like that.
Also, you may want to see an OB/GYN and get some references for an even better doctor. This is a medical condition and there is help out there, but you have to get solid medical advice from a professional that is versed on those topics. Unfortunately, not all doctors are versed on this topic.
Best of luck to you!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011):
If you can get three fingers in you and he can get two in you then you are probably not too tight for sex. I agree with the vaginismus diagnosis. You are tightening up before sex, probably for emotional reasons. Maybe you aren't ready. Maybe you feel sex is dirty. Maybe you don't like your partner. I dunno. Could be any number of reasons. I assume you are a virgin?
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Hmmmm, maybe you just need to try and relax more during foreplay. Does it get to a point where your partner gets down there and you start worrying if his penis (or fingers) will fit this time round?? If so, you may not be aware that you are tightening the muscles around your vagina, making it impossible to relax.
Maybe look into another posters suggestion of dilators, if there is nothing physically wrong, then it may be something in your thought process. I understand your concerns and your partner sounds like a saint for being so patient!! Does it hurt when your partner inserts his fingers? if so, then it maybe something simple like your hymen is still intact (some women have a hymen that just stretches and won't actually break - my friend has this, but she has a great sex life)
Maybe go and get a second opinion also. All the best hun, i hope you can stop worrying so much quickly and enjoy your sex life :)
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (3 June 2011):
 If everything is normal, there is no reason you can't have intercourse unless your partner is too large for you, it does happen.
Or you may have vaginismus, which is an involuntary tightening of the muscles when having sex. Ask a doctor about therapies for that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Get a new doctor. there are vaginal dilators that are used to help women with your condition
http://www.pelvichealthstore.com/Vaginal_Dilators_s/32.htm
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