A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting married this summer and I'm very excited. The only thing I'm really fretting about is the last name change! I'm really attached to my own last name. I asked my fiance if he'd want to swap his last name for mine, but he's not into that. He suggested hyphenating but I don't want a mile long name! I know that it's not unheard of, but is it a little tacky to keep my own name and he keep his own name? I feel a little weird about it, I'm not sure if it's some sort of social faux pas or what... or, do a lot of women getting married feel the same way about losing their last name? Should I just take his last name and I'll adjust? My fiance really doesn't care what I end up doing, he is just excited to be married (he's a keeper). His last name isn't awful, it's just super plain and I am just so attached to my own name! After all, I've been living with it for 22 years!!So what do you think?
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 I hate being asked what my surname is, because I feel like I'm being asked to contradict who I am.
I hate my first name too, but I get compliments on it a lot. :)
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (28 April 2009):
As for keeping your own name, I say keep it if you love it.
It's a personal decision... your husband would want you to be happy. He knows you love him, you're going to marry him and share your life with him. He'll understand!
It's not tacky. You have a right to your name.
BTW, what is your maiden name... if I may ask?
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (28 April 2009):
Hola Daniel,
I'm sure that you know the tradition in USA is the woman marries, takes her husband's last name. I like the latin tradition... the kids get dad's surname, and mom's surname.
Fair enough, I say... I feel like the woman has to carry the kids around in her womb and push them out... and then in my country, the kids ONLY get Dad's surname? I think its nice that in Mexico they get mom's last name too. This is another thing I love about the latin way. :)
(No offense to my fellow North Americans)
I wouldn't look down on a woman if she chooses to do that, but I resent the fact that society forces a woman to do that. I mean no offense to anyone but it would make me feel like my husband's property. I feel like it should be a personal decision... screw society. :)
I would love to be rid of my surname, and get a pretty latin one, but I wouldn't take my husband's name, because I feel like people need to have a sense of identity. I would like to just change my name to my ancestor's name.
I'm mixed (Spanish, British, French and supposedly prairie dog), but I just identify with Spanish language and culture.
I am not sure why you're still single but perhaps you just haven't met the right girl? I think you're an awesome friend, and really smart, and you know how to listen and understand feelings. That's not a very common gift. Somebody could love you. :)
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (28 April 2009):
Daniel, since you mentioned this, I LOVE your surname. I remember our conversation about it, but I would gladly trade with you any day.
I have a GREAT idea. Do you wanna trade with me? You'd be stuck with name, though. I think your name is really pretty.
I know you like my surname, but I absolutely hate it. I won't say it here on the public boards, but I HATE it because it sounds really redneck (no offense to anyone) and I want so badly to belong to latin culture. Nothing wrong with being a redneck... I just don't identify with the name.
I want to change it to my Spanish ancestor's name because I love latin culture, and I have Spanish blood but I didn't get my great-grandmother's last name.
It just kills me because I tell people I have Spanish blood... and they accuse me of LYING! Same old reaction: "Yeah, right, and Beyoncé is my sister."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): I say keep your last name, if you like it and it is unique! :) ...I wish I had a different last name - Mine's too common. Daniel- I don't know your last name, but i'm sure it's not the reason why :)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Guys, do you think my surname can be the reason why I'm single?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 April 2009):
If you send me a private message I will let you know. Just don't make a face at me...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, you may ask! His last name is Swanson, which really isn't that bad. I could live life as a Swanson. But my last name is kind of unique and I don't know, I'm just attached to it. I've been living with it for just about 23 years, and lucky me - it's a name that I adore.
I'm keeping it. The fella is completely okay with it. And, you guys completely helped by reminding me that I can change it down the road or come up with some creative way of blending our names. Thank you so much, you guys put me completely at ease about the whole thing!
P.S. Daniel, now I'm dying to know what YOUR last name is! Is it in fact, LePew?? Haha...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (25 April 2009):
Just some humour: If your guy had MY last name, I am sure HE would ask you, on his knees, to keep your own name :-), and perhaps to even share yours with him :-).
I think you've got a lot of good opinions here. Just keep your name and that's it.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (24 April 2009):
If I may ask, what IS his name?
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (24 April 2009):
Satin is right.
Gone are the days when society expected women to take their husbands' last name.
Even if society DID expect you to... well, screw society. Your husband will understand how you feel, that is what matters.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 My wife uses my name for all the day to day stuff but professionally she uses her maiden name. It makes a lot of sense.
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (18 February 2009):
My wife kept her last name. Not an issue to me. Yeah there's something sweet about "giving" your name, but when I think of changing my name I definitely have a "but but but" reaction. And it's kind of cool that she still has her separate identity with her name.
And coincidentally, my cousin married a guy with same last name as my wife, and she also kept her name. So there was a kind of karmic balance to the whole thing.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2009):
 I felt the same way too when I first got married. I have to admit, I felt a little resentment at the fact that it was assumed that it was up to the woman to change her name. (Societally speaking, I mean, my guy thought it would be nice if I changed my name, but didn't feel I had to. Maybe he felt this way because I told him that he would have to come with me and stand in all the lines I would be waiting in going through the rigamarole of changing it.) I too was attached to my name, and it was the name people knew me by at work and of course all my friends, and my parents had thought about my first name in context with their last.
So my solution at the time was to keep my maiden name intact, legally and for work, but to use the new last name socially. I did this for about 5 years or so, and finally, I had gotten used to the new name, so I legally changed it over, keeping my maiden name as my middle name. I had to lose my original middle name, but that wasn't used much anyway.
Hope this helps you decide what you want to do. I don't think it's considered tacky now by the younger generation. I can't speak for my parents or the more conservative folk, but I think it's not unusual for this to occur. I can think of several couples in which this is the case, several good friends. No one seems particularly bothered by it.
Oh, and congratulations!!!! Send us a slice of the wedding cake!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Then keep your family name. There is no law you have to change your family name. A few of my friends have gotten married and are getting to married and they haven't changed their family names. In fact, one of my girl friends' husband changed his family name to match hers. Another friend combined their family names: "Kwok-Swan".
If he's cool with it, then do whatever you like.
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A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (18 February 2009):
you can just keep using your name, there is not a rule that you have to change. When you are ready you can change your name if you want to. If he's happy with this then you really do not have a problem.Hope your wedding day is lovely xx
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