A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:sorry in advance for the poor spelling ,puncuation and length.i have been with my girlfriend for almost 7 yrs now.we fell madly in love at first sight when introduced by mutual friends.she was divorced with 2 kids .i tried all i can do to be friendly to them but due to their bitter father all he did was run me down when they were with him so they never were able to form their own opinion of me so needless to say they hated me from day one .we both tried and tried with not much sucess .i had my own apt and she had her own house ,i was made to feel not welcome there so she spent more time staying with me at my apt when her kids were with their dad.after a while he didnt want them to come any more so she would get a babysitter on weekends so we can spend time .our love grew but the kid situation didnt .we spent the next 3 yrs that way when we deciced tha we were going to get our own house together .her older son went to live with his father and the younger one stayed with us it never got any better between us and basically didnt speak or be around each other we were still very much in love but i was getting bitter ,i made rediculous demands that she agreed with in order for us to stay together ,throughout this time we both had family issues we had to deal with, how we got through them i dont know but we did ,she was there for me with mine more then i was for her,things were starting to get bad with arguing and i was full of bitterness myself ,that went on for a year with her trying to tell me how i was being but i didnt listen i was wrapped up in all that has happoened in the past and couldnt let it go.six monts ago she asked me to leave the house so she can rebuild the situation with her childern and us,i was devistated but left , i stayed with my parents and for the first time i realized what have i done?we didnt talk for about 2 weeks then started talking again ,spending time and discussing out situation ,i went to speak to a councler for my anger hand made much progress ,over the last 3 monts i have seen a change of heart in her ,very cold ,distant ,unaffectionate,it was aparent so i asked her about it ,she said that i have hurt her so bad that she has nothing inside ,she dosent smile or laugh ,i realize i love her more than anything and told her, she told me that she dosent love me like i love her,she still calls me and we do go out but nothing like it was .i feel anymore that i am not a concideration to her ,as the time goes by she is getting more distant from me .i feel after all that i have done to her and she stayed with me i am not giving up on her and will show her how sorry i am and the changed man i have become and be here for her while she goes thru what she needs to ,we never cheated on each other ,physical violence or even went out without each other ,i feel i have lost my whole world ,what am i to do ,thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replies ,right now i am giving her space,im not pushing anything ,we see each other daily at work plus she calls me every night,if we do go out i wait for her to suggest it ,and she does,it seems that she is spending most of her free time with her son and his new baby ,which makes her happy which is good ,but she dosent include me in that at all ,i dont know why, she did once then it all drastically stopped ,like many other things in our situation .for anyone wondering, i know that there is no one else either one of us wants to be with,no one else in the picture on either side ,that is the only thing i definatly do know .it just seems oue situation was better when she first asked me to leave and we were trying to work out our problems now there is no discussion of our situation at all even though its the only thing on my mind i dont say a word .i just wish we can get back to tring to repair our relationship insted of doing what we are doing ,thanks for all your help in advance
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): Well I think she was very much in love with you, but all the years of bitterness hardened her heart. I don't understand how men think- once they've 'seen the light' and how much they truly love and need their gf/wife, then she should be forgiving, and back to her old self. Well she will never be her old self, a little wiser and older, but never the same. All I can say is 'Patience' if you want to win her heart back. It might take a year or?, but if you want no one else, then she'll notice your efforts, and start believing you really are a changed man. A woman doesn't forget a man that fights for her.
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (18 February 2009):
The best way to show somebody that you have changed and you respect them, is to give them the space they ask for, even if that means letting go. As long as you have clearly stated how you feel, you've done all you can. To continue to insist that you two should be together even if she does not want that now will tell her that you are being selfish, putting your own feelings ahead of hers.
Sorry, but that's pretty much how it goes.
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A
female
reader, loving arms  +, writes (18 February 2009):
not really sure how to help you here mate. Maybe the thing to do would be to open your heart to her in a letter. Explain that you now realise what you have done wrong (detailing these things) so she can see that you really understand that you are changing. Let her know that you are in councelling and hope that she will allow you the time to prove how much you want to change in order to win her love back. She's been hurt and invested a lot of time in you, it maybe too late. But good luck trying, at least if you fail now you'll know you tried your hardest to win her back.
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