A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am a very confused individual..im a lesbian, i think about girls in a sexual way 24/7 and find sex with a guy unappealing. guys just dont really do it for me i guess. but i am extremely scared of coming out, and to add to it i have just started a relationship with a really great guy, i know perhaps this is the wrong thing to do, but we are really close and he is in love with me and at the time i was sure this was what i wanted. However much i love being with him, i am just not attracted to him and think about girls all the time still. but i do enjoy being with him, and i want to be with him.. ahh im so confused. what should i do? i dont want to break any hearts.
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female
reader, Illin  +, writes (23 February 2009):
The truth will always come out in the end. You should let him know how you feel instead of leading him on. And as far as coming out, just do it! A lot of the time we get caught up with other peoples feelings, that we tend to forget about our own. Ask yourself this, Do you want to live a life that you'll regret at the end of each day?
A
female
reader, prettypinkiebaby +, writes (19 February 2009):
 well, u dont want to keep going with this cuz it may hurt him and u in the end. maybe u shud just keep him as a really great freind and find some other girls to date. or if u just wana b with him, stay with him. this is ur life and u can do watver u please! lemme know how things go!!
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 Hmmm this is a toughie. The bottom line is you can love being with someone, love them and care for them as a friend but if as you say you find sex with guys unappealing that tends to suggest to me that even with this guy you dont want the whole relationship package and whether we like it or not sex is part of that. I dont question your sincerity but I do think that as much as wanting this you also wanted this to try and deny your sexuality.
You are naturally scared by this side of you so you found a guy who I have no doubt you care for and decided to use it as your shot at trying a straight relationship; in a effort to repress your sexuality. You have to come out now to him I think. You can't live a lie because it wont last and to be honest the longer you leave it the more pain will be caused.
I think to be honest you cant avoid somebody getting hurt however you can minimise the damage. The only way to do that is sit this guy down and tell him exactly what you have told us in this question. Apologise maybe and I think to be honest after maybe a short period of heartache things will be ok. If he reacts badly then he is not the person you think he is in any case; speaking personally i'd be hurt of course but eventually accept it. In the meantime slowly work your confidence up, coming out to those closest and most trustworthy first until you feel you have the confidence to just accept it and annouce yourself fully. Good luck :)x
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A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (18 February 2009):
You could just break up with this guy as you haven't actually got a girlfirend to be with. Let him know that you love him as a friend and enjoy his company but being partners doesn't feel right to you.
Good luck mate xx
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A
male
reader, Tewebag +, writes (18 February 2009):
your going to have to break a heart unless you choose to break your own by being with a man your whole life when you would much rather be with a female. you need to think about if it is worth it to you to be with someone who doesnt do it for you or to follow how you really feel and end it with him so you may come out. of course it is a hard thing to do but if it is truly how you feel you need to do it. and you could always make up another reason as to why you dont want to be with him if you cant tell him you prefer females. good luck
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