| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I have been constantly arguing, since he hasn't worked a steady job in over 6 months, and really doesn't seem to want to work. My son (15) and his daughter (16) both live with us, I work 7 days a week overnights. I get no help around the house from him, and finally yesterday, I exploded about it all... some very hurtful comments were made by him , and the kids even had a few things to say about his lack of doing anything.. I am feeling (just to name a few words) hurt, angry, tired, resentful, overwhelmed and just plain awful. I told him it is time to grow up and be responsible, and I meant every word I said to him. What do I do now? I don't want to lose what we had, but I feel it slipping away by the second! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissMo +, writes (28 September 2005):
Take some time to calm down and revisit the topic with your husband again. Apologize for the hurtful things that were said and tell him that you care about him and want to work together towards a solution. You feel unsupported and overworked around the house, and it's good for him to be aware of that. Are you aware of what he's been going through the past 6 months, though? What's been going on with him? Why hasn't he had a steady job, and why is he unmotivated to work? He might be going through some tough times... either depression, a midlife crisis, disatisfaction with his life, etc. As husband and wife, you need to help one another when times are tough. Avoid accusations and insults, and don't use the words "always" or "never." (As in, "you NEVER help out.") He needs to open up to you and tell what he's been going through. Remember that you're a team. Remind him that you love him, and that it hurts you to be going through this. Hopefully your conversation will help you two understand one another, and cement your commitment to working it out. Giving up is easy... working it out is not!
A
female
reader, LEXI8580 +, writes (28 September 2005):
U need to sit down and talk properly to your husbend, set aside some time where you wont be interrupted, let each other have your say without raising voices. It certainly isnt fair that you do everything in the house and this needs to be sorted now! hope it goes well!
...............................
A
reader, helpfull girl +, writes (28 September 2005):
hi as im only 18 you may feel the advice i give you is not much good but ill try my best, i still live at home with mom and brother i work 3days a week 12hours a night with disabled 40 yr olds, 9pm-9am im at work when i come home first thing i do is mop floors vacum the usuall stuff, my step dad who also lives with us doesnt do any thing but work round 3-4hours a day then pub after! so the house work is divided between me&mom! its not mens job to clean why not ask your step daughter to help out a bit if she has any respect she would of already helped round the house with out you asking! she lives there too! ask her in a nice manner "please babe could you help a little bit just do the simple stuff as i am very exsusted from work". tell you husband he must get a desent job and keep it or else it divorse time tell you mean it as you cant go on doing everything persuade him say wouldnt it be nice haveing your own money in your pocket things like that! and also ask your son the same you asked your step daughter! after a while of the 2 kids doing a bit for you write down a chore list just an easy simple one, and if they are to do their chores you will award them with pocket money(tell them about the reward) how ever if they dont do chores they will not get the pocket money! if your husband still does not get a job just to scare him a little have divorse papers come through your letter box get him to sign them first, when you ask him to sign he should crap his self so much he'd be getting a well paid job. if he signs theres your prove that hes a little boy not a man with no money&in deed no life! and beleive me you can do better than him!
...............................
|
