A
female
age
51-59,
*hmily_girl01
writes:I am separated with 3 children, in short, I am a single mother. My story is...I had a long-distance affair with a married man from 2006 to 2017. I met him once in Hongkong and Our relationship was wonderful but also painful. I love him a lot but last 2017, I decided to play dead to stop my insanity because I cannot get out of the relationship, I love him to bits but I have to give up everything and the only way I could think of was to play dead. But after that decision, he continued to talk to my 2 children and took care of them. He did not discontinue his relationship with my children and in constant communication with them and supported us even more financially because he wants the best for my kids. I told the truth about why I had to play dead with my children and they understood me. Our family's secret.Now, I am beginning to feel the guilt because he proved he is true to us. What should I do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2020):
 Close your daughter's account. Send him a check for the amount he sent her, including a letter by which you come clean and tell him you pretended to be dead for two years, while your kids were accepting his money ( btw, " we did not know that he was sending money " is the feeblest excuse ever because obviously you can give permanent instructions to your bank to send immediately back to the payer any money coming from person XY, or account no. XY. As a business person as yourself must know , which , btw, personally makes me think that probabaly this is a bogus post written for attention ). Anyway , supposing this is a real life dilemma, if you tell him the truth, you kill two birds with a stone: 1) you do the right, moral thing and 2) you get rid of your married lover finally and forever, because , if he only has one ounce of common sense and self- respect, he will be so disgusted of having being involved with such a swindler, that he won't ever talk to you again. Problem solved.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (6 February 2020):
 Wow! Just wow! Just when I think I have heard everything and nothing else could shock me, someone like you comes along. I cannot believe you would not only fake your own death but drag your children into covering for you. As I said, wow! What sort of lesson does that teach them? You really should not be a parent if you think this is an acceptable way to treat your children.
As for this man forcing you to take his money, close the bank account and set up a new one. How difficult can it be?
Just goes to show, there is always someone out there who can still shock you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (6 February 2020):
 I'm going to tell you an incident from my life that happened about 35 years ago. I was 21, recently divorced with a child under the age of 2. I got involved with someone in a LDR. We seemed to have alot in common but lived about 2 hours apart. We didn't meet for awhile because of my child, going to college full time, and working. He was also going to college and working. We did meet and sadly I didn't have the right feelings for him in person. I had to tell him so. I liked him but didn't see the relationship going anywhere. He on the other hand had planned out a future for us already. It was sad but I told him I couldn't continue to be in a relationship other than friends.
We stopped contacting each other for about 3 months. Then I got a letter from him saying that he was dying of cancer. We lived about 4 hours away from each other so I couldn't just run to where he was right away. I called him and he filled me in on all the details. I cried and cried. He was a good guy just not right for me. I felt so sorry for him and guilty and before I knew it we were talking every day on the phone again. I just felt he needed me. After about a month, he called me one day and broke down and told me he had been LYING about everything. He didnt have cancer! He just wanted to hurt me and make me feel sorry for me and he like spending time on the phone with me. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? I felt sick..really really sick. I thought he was a good guy and he had used me and twisted my emotions. He was a PSYCHOLOGY major which made it all the more disturbing. I felt sorry for him but I was absolutely disgusted by what he had done. I ended things and blocked him in every way possible.
What you have done is even worse OP! You cheated, and then you lied and someone made the man think you died? For 2 years??? Who does that??? You had your children go along with it? What the hell kind of a parent does that? What kind of example are you setting for your kids??
TBH you are sick. You need help. DESPERATELY. Get counselling. I wonder how safe your kids are with you. You could have just ended things. Why make it so elaborate and keep letting it play out? Letting him send money.
Jesus lady...and then you go after WiseOwl when all he did was tell you the truth about what you should do??? You have alot of nerve.
GET HELP
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 February 2020):
 If you truly want to stop your insanity, the path is clear. You have already been told to tell the truth. What you haven't been told is how to do it.
First, you collect all of the money he is sending. Write a check or get a cashiers check for the total amount. Write an apology letter to this mans wife. Explain what you did wrong and that your intention is to turn around and not do that anymore. Send the letter and the check to her.
Affairs love to hide in the darkness, they love the deceit and lies. A great deal of the thrill of an affair is in getting away with it. When you expose the affair, the bright sunlight of truth will burn away the infection and with it the thrill.
The cure for guilt is correcting your misdeed. The affair, and the fake death are both misdeeds that you need to confess and turn away from. Only you can do this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2020): I answered with one sentence. How is suggesting that you tell someone the truth that you're lying to in anyway hurtful?
How would he know something as personal and private as your daughter's bank account number? If he didn't have it or she changed it, he couldn't deposit money into it. You're teaching the children to be dishonest, and carried on a relationship with married-man. Yet you're chiding me about a my short and to the point response?
How low do you think his wife would feel knowing he's sending his money to the children of his mistress, a woman who faked her death? Who even asked her children to go along with her deception, while taking his money.
I never say anything to belittle or hurt people. I simply advised you to be honest and stop taking the man's money. You shouldn't have had an affair with him in the first place, it was not a good example to set before your daughter. I'm not criticizing your parenting, but what's right is right, and what's wrong is wrong! You know the difference.
That romance-novel over-the-top excuse about how hard it was to make him stop and your extreme way of dealing with it just makes no sense.
If you have a successful business, it's even worse that you allowed the children to go along with your scheme; while accepting money from the man. Why would he be sending them money if he knew you were a successful business-woman? It would seem you'd have left them a life insurance policy; and some kind of inheritance to take care of them. Anyone running a business knows they have to protect their families and their assets.
All you had to do was breakup with the man. He has a wife, and all you had to do was threaten to tell her if he wouldn't leave you alone. There is little you can say that would justify or make any sense of what you've done.
I'm not the one lying here!
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 February 2020):
 I agree that you NEED to find a way to stop takong money from this man regardless of the fact that he may not take it back. You have to cut the strings that are still attached. I would also, most definitely, see a professional to work through the feelings you were having surrounding why you thought faking your own death was the best option. That's very odd, to say the least. That's also a very important part of this equation. You have to sort yourself out mentally because faking ones death isn't what the average person would resort to in order to deal with a relationship that shouldn't have been in the first place.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 February 2020):
 A very easy way to stop taking his money would be to set a new bank account up for your daughter and NOT give him the details. It’s very simple, stop acting like there’s no way to stop receiving the money.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 February 2020):
You are stealing this mans money! The whole situation stinks that you were helping him cheat in the first place but to then lie about dying and continue to take his money? Disgusting.
Own up to what you’re doing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2020):
 Amen, to what WiseOwlE said,
TELL the truth and STOP taking his money.
Jezz lady.
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A
female
reader, linmuir +, writes (6 February 2020):
The only thing I would add to WiseOwlE's advice - which I fully support - is that you could also get your mental health checked. This is not sane behaviour. See a counsellor to get the support you will need when you tell the truth and stop taking this man's money.
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A
female
reader, shmily_girl01 +, writes (6 February 2020):
shmily_girl01 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wisewolf with all due respect. We are not taking his money. He puts directly in my 14 yrs old daughter savings account. I have my own restaurant business that I can provide for my children. Whenever he sends we tell him not to do it but he wants to give and keep sending and he won't give details how we can send it back because he won't accept it. We can only know he sends whenever we have transactions in the bank. I am not being offensive in my message. It is just hurting to read such response and treat us like... a little bit low? I am sorry but this is how I interpret your message. Wish you ask more questions to enlighten you more
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2020): Tell the truth and stop taking his money.
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