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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: About a month ago I started a fling with this man I really really really like. He made it extremely clear right from the start that he was unreliable and not a good person (his words). He also said he loves spending time with me, but he also made it clear that he's not boyfriend material and that this fling with him should not affect my sentimental life- that is if I meet somebody nice in the next months I should just go for it. So, basically no trings attached . Thing is, I think I am falling for this man and I hate myself for doing this because, really, I should have known better. I know I should just "leave" him (well, there ain't much to leave since we're not even together) but I know it's gonna hurt so bad and I don't want that. What should I do? I can I prevent myself from falling in love with this man? Is it possible to enjoy a fling without eventually falling for the other person? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Telling you that straight at the beginning was really the nicest thing he could do. Take his advice, and don't push it.
Limit your contact. In fact, go out of your way to avoid him. If HE is the one to ask where you've been, and takes an interest in your absence, you may have caught his attention for something more.
Be careful. It sounds like youve fallen hard already, so proceed with extreme caution.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear aunts,
thank you so much! I would like to give each and every one of you a huge hug. Your words were very nurturing and they really helped me think. Maybe you're right I'm not somebody for a no strings attached casual "realtionship". mabe I should just let go. Haven't heard from him in a few days and I'm not gonna call, I'll just let it go. I miss himm so much it hurts and I know I'm gonna be missing him even more in the next few days. But I also know it is gonna get easier and easier in time. At least I hope so. Thank you all again. You were all really helpful and super nice to me.
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female
reader, peacelovecandy  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I'm in the same boat.
There's a guy a year older than me. I've liked him for about four years, and a week ago we started dating. We broke up because when he asked me out, he told me he wasn't a "good boyfriend" and "didn't want to disappoint me" and I honestly ended up very disappointed. He ignored me more than usual and never wanted to see me. Now we're just talking-talking with dating out of *his* mind, but still in mine. I like him so so so much, but it's so hard being around him when I want things to go how I want them to go. I'd say, since you're still dating him, go along with it if you're happy. Just because he says he's not boyfriend material doesn't mean he'll turn out to be. :)
Try it out, and if not, maybe try to move on, or just take a little break.
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (3 March 2011):
 What exactly do you like about him?
Is it the fact that he is "bad boy"?
I guess what I am asking is why would you fall for a guy who will not be faithful, not exclusive, and does not even aspire to be a good person?
It's not a judgmental question; I am just curious...
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male
reader, everythingwillbefine +, writes (2 March 2011):
If you move on now it will be a little painful compared to the pain if you move on later from him.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 March 2011):
Too late. You've fallen for him, and you know the truth is that you have to move on. You know where you stand with this guy, and ultimately you'll get hurt one way or another. Better to make it now whilst you have time to get over it, than later when life will have passed you by.
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female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Stop spending so much time with him. Look elsewhere. He obviously just likes your company and nothing more. In other ways I think that he doesn't want to hurt you if you were to get serious with him 'cause in his own words he is unreliable. Would you really want to settle for that?
Hope this helps =)
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female
reader, Glastogirl2010 +, writes (2 March 2011):
Don't worry about it - you've fallen for a friend, and millions of other people have been through exactly the same thing.
So you've fallen for this guy, but he's made it painfully clear that he's just not that into you. It's awful, isn't it? I went through the same thing. I longed for my male friend to ask me out on a date and during the times we DID hang about together, I was convinced that we were actually dating... until he turned around and said (and I quote), "I mean, we're not even DATING"
Yep, it tore me apart after that.
SO, what to do? Well, here's some handy tips:
1. Limit your contact with him to a minimum.
2. Get rid of any pictures you may have of this guy, and rip them apart. Trust me, this helps.
3. Have a good, long weep into your pillow. It's a scientific fact that allowing yourself to cry for a long period of time helps you feel better later on.
4. Get in touch with your friends and go shopping! Besides, who needs that loser?
And finally, I know you don't want to hurt yourself, but you'll have to accept that he doesn't feel the same way about you, sooner or later. It's not going to be easy, but I know you can pull through. Have you ever read the self-help book "He's Just NOT That Into You" by Greg Behrendt? It's a very useful book in these circumstances. I definitely recommend reading this book. And, hey, once you're out of his life, he'll realise what an idiot he's been not noticing how awesome you really are!
So, go on, get out there! Have some fun, go clubbing, drink, dance, whatever. There's a caller on line one demanding to speak to you: It's your life.
Good luck!
~Glastogirl2010
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): It doesn't sound very promising.
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