A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can someone help me out here, please! I'm divorced had been with my husband for 10 years and have been single for 18 months, not looking to get into anything that will suffocate me as my marriage did. I've dated two guys in the last 6 months, well not exactly dated but been "close friends" with, one a few years older, one 10 years younger. Both didn't want commitment however they complained that I don't say I need them, want to spend time with them so on and so forth. I'm fiercely independent. The thing is I'm scared and I don't want to push anyone away through being needy especially when they are the ones who firmly stated they werent up for anything long term. I think all I want is companionship not someone to get involved with my children etc... Are all men like this? I just don't get it as I they have said no no no first off and then changes their tunes halfway through. I just don't get it at all!!!
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 lets face it we've got to meet a lot of maybes and definitely nots before you meet the one. even if these days the one is more like one or two or a few. meeting the one is more about how you feel at the time and how your new person feels and of course the chemistry. don't put the blame on men. you have to meet a lot of people before the right thing happens again. how you respond to the people you meet while waiting for the one is important. don't be too judgemental as they are all going through the same process men and women alike. sure some people get burnt and respond badly. but if there are more burnt men than women maybe women should be kinder to their men.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 May 2012):
For what it's worth, I think you're fab. My girlfriend is divorced and independent, career minded and doesn't really want to do the whole 'marriage, moving in' etc etc. I respect that, and I love her, so I do know that there are men out there who will love you and respect that you want to be your own person.
Just keep looking. He'll be there somewhere. Also, just be careful of who you date, because it might be that you have a certain type that you initially like, but that doesn't really match up to what you want.
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A
female
reader, White_Lilly +, writes (27 May 2012):
 I hear what you say, and I've recently had 2 female friends break up with their boyfriends for exactly that reason! They say they are afraid of commitment, and they were worried that the girls were able to stand on the own feet.
I get the feeling that more and more guys want casual relationships, and aren't looking for the special one.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 Maybe you have different opinions on what dating is about. Men who don't want marriage still wants to feel needed. They want romance, intimacy and they want to hear your voice before going to bed. The thing in dating is that you can say whatever you want but at the end feelings is not something you can control and suppress. When men say they don't want committment they don't want nagging wives, loss of freedom, arguments and unecessary social and family functions. What if the relationship is all good and it brings out the best in each other? Then the statement only meant they don't want to put their hopes too high, make promises they can't keep. They also say this because they had been with clingy women who wanted to progress too fast.
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