A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Has too much happened to try again?I've been in realationship with now ex bf for 5 months. He really swept me off my feet, we have fun and are into the same things. The relationship has been full on virtually from the beginning. I'm a lone parent and he has been wonderful with my 8 yr old. We've talked about living together (this year) and he keeps saying he wants to marry me then.....About a month ago he started being really mean and emotionally abusive. We had a wkend apart and all seemed well again, he put this down to work stresses.Then a few weeks later while we were away for the weekend he told me very arrogantly that he has been with 6 prostitutes in the past. I felt sick to the core! We broke up then reconciled. Our relationship seemed more loved up than ever, he was very attentative and reassuring. He used hookers when he was single or so he says and does not believe in one night stands?! We waited until we were intimate as he said he needs to be in a relationship to be physical?Fast forward another week, NYE and we both got completely drunk. Bf could not get an errection and so in drink and feeling rejected I started bringing up his past. We had a huge row and I said some pretty nasty things. This culminated in him forcing me to the floor, and holding my arms so tightly that I'm covered in huge bruises and I don't bruise easily. I was frightened and called the police who arrested him. I attacked him after he released me in anger, I am not proud but it was retaliation. He has been released and we live very close to each other. I text him last night saying how loved up we were a week ago and he replied that he still loves me. I have discovered he is on 2 dating sites but there has not been any recent activity. Perhaps he was on these sites before we met but why hadn't he deleted them? There are a few more little issues that don't add up but I'm worried I could be walking out on something that could be wonderful again and we had a promising future together. Or am I being crazy? My initial reaction was to get out but now I'm not sure. I think we are both codependant : (
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 You really NEED to put your child first.
1. he is NOT a good role model (and what you are around this guy, NEITHER are you)
2. He is abusive towards your and was violent when drunk. How can that in any way shape or form be OK with you?
3. YOU got back together with him, but you didn't forgive him his past, you used it as ammo. That is low. I think you know that. And I think HE brings that out in you.
4. Nothing you describe in your post makes the relationship seem healthy AT ALL.
Tell him it's over and tell him NO CONTACT - then block his number and remove him in every way from your life.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (9 January 2013):
 One very important thing to consider is this; is this guy a good role model for your child?
No.
Move on and good luck with everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your feedback!!
I think I did already know deep down that I need to move on it's just good to hear outside perspectives. It made me wake up to the risk I would be putting my child in if I stayed and also the risk of further violence.
He text me this morning asking to talk and I have ignored him, I will change my phone number also.
I need to stay strong and focus my energies on my child and healing. My G.P has prescribed me anti depressants and referred me to counselling.
Thank you all once again xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your feedback!
I think I know deep down that I need to move on it's just great to hear outside persceptions.
He text me this morning saying please can we talk and I've ignored this but I am feeling very vulnerable and need to stay strong. I am now on anti depressants and my G.P has referred me to counselling.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 How could this be wonderful and promising if it only worked for 4 short months ? By the 5th month, you are already arguing and being spiteful to each other, he beats you up, you retaliate aggressively, the police has to intervene , this is a huge mess !, and the only thing that promises is more mess and more violence.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): He has been physically and emotionally abusive and its only been 5 months into the relationship. What makes you think if you stay longer it will somehow not be like this anymore? He brings out the worst in you and you bring out the worst in him. Once there has been abuse it will for sure happen again. I can guarantee you that he will assault you again and it will probably escalate and become worse. He may even end up killing you in a fit of rage or you may get permanently disabled or die in hospital from the injuries. This is not an exaggerration its a very real possibility. There is also a real possibility he may do this to your kid too in the future. After all why should his anger and lack of control be limited to just you. Read up on the web about domestic violence because that's what you got on your hands from being involved with this guy.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Do you REALLY mean to tell us you don't know what to do about this man??
My dear, I think you DO know what action to take for the sake of yourself and your child.
My advice to you is to act NOW.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
Forget it. Once it is over it is over. Why would you want to be someone who was emotionally abusive? He put it down to work stress? So every time things aren't going his way he's going to take it out on you?
Sounds great.
You really want that for the long-term?
This is why EXes stay EXes. All the crap from the past is still there. Every time you guys argue it'll all come out.
Move on is my advice.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Sageoldguy has made some valid points well worthy of your consideration.
You need to think too, WHY you broke up in the first place. It might also be an idea not to drink so much while in each others company as this only compounds arguments, blowing them out of proportion.
Only you know the right thing to do here. The only advice I will give to you is ALWAYS to go with your instincts as they'll NEVER let you down.
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 January 2013):
 You write: "Or am I being crazy? My initial reaction was to get out but now...."
Yes.... you are being crazy. Don't you recognize his physical attack on you as the beginning of other - more serious - such attacks (if you keep hanging around with him)?
Go with your initial reaction, and get away from him now..
P.S. Is THIS how you want your 8 YO son seeing how "adults" act toward one-another????
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