A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:i am a unhappily married man who is very attracted to a beautiful young lady at work. at first it seemed that she was and maybe i hope she still is attracted to me. but lately i am very attracted to her and pay attention to her as much as i can with the short time we have before we both go off to work at our jobs. i really like this girl and would like to spend time with her. we don't have to have sex. i would really just like to be friends and let whatever happens happen. it is really hard to do. i made the mistake of accidentally winking at her the other day. i hope i haven't blown it. anyone have any advice???
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): I have read this several times and not replied. I cannot say what you ought to do but I do know you have one life and if having a friendship with a younger woman makes you happy, energised and feel aluve then have the friendship.
When I was younger I had friendships with older males and I know the were charmed an flattered but also I learned from them.
The skill was to keep it light, fun and respectful. If you can do that go ahead.
If you can’t then it’s a lot more than you relay here.
A
female
reader, CMoon  +, writes (4 July 2019):
You need to ask yourself why you're not happy in your marriage - what is it that you're struggling to address? Are you suddenly "an unhappily married man" because you are attracted to this woman? Because that's all this is at this point - an attraction. You need to have a serious conversation with yourself.
Acting upon your feelings in this situation is not something I would suggest, and acting upon your feelings in your work-place is something I would completely advise against. The young woman in question may not even hold any feelings for you. If you try to chase her, your colleagues may gossip, you'd be embarrassed, and your wife may find out about it. And, of course, the young woman may be embarrassed, also.
Believe me, I know more than most about these sort of situations and no matter what you are feeling towards the young woman right now, pursuing this is NOT WORTH IT. Leave her be and make a huge effort to not be around her so you can get over her. Draw your focus back to your marriage - Ask yourself until you are being completely honest with yourself- why are you unhappy in your marriage?
I'm pretty sure that if you were to find out that your wife was trying to flirt with another younger, attractive man, you would suddenly be more interested in holding the attention of your wife. You need to consider how you would feel if your wife decided to seek a relationship elsewhere -would you be ok with that?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2019): You are not just a pig, but an old pig. Stop thinking with your cock! You've got a brain!!! USE IT!!! You can control yourself! The minute you got married, you committed your life to one woman. Do you not get that? You are not free to sample the other candy in the candy store. Period!! You are not a single man!!! Want to sample other flavours, leave your wife first. There is no other way. Why would you break her heart, destroy her for your own selfish reasons? Why? Cause you're bored? You feel old? You need an ego boost? You need to feel important? You feel ignored? Cry me a river!! Happiness comes from within mister!!! Not from the first pretty face you fantasize about!!! News flash!!! She is human. She is flawed. You just don't see it now. Once you get to know her, you will see she is not as perfect or wonderful as you think. Her shine will wear off just as quickly as your wife's did. And then what, are you going to be some old goat chasing skirts the rest of your days?? Grow the fuck up!!!!
I wish the old married guy with insecurity issues did not hit on this younger, naïve woman 5 years ago!!! I wish he had been a good man, a gentleman from the start. A good man to his wife. A good man to me. But nooooooo!!! He was horny and enamoured by me!!! He decided to amp up his pursuit of me. I was vulnerable and I succumbed. Well, if I could turn back time, I would have been smarter. Way smarter. This guy has nothing to offer me but his cock and fun and games when his schedule permits. I am sick and tired of being his puppet. I am sick and tired of being manipulated by him. And used by him. I wish I was the woman I used to be. BEFORE I MET HIM!!!! Where did she go? She is lost forever. I am forever changed. I need therapy. I have anxiety issues. I am a mess. Do not think for a minute that you do not destroy people by your selfishness. You destroy your mistress. You destroy your wife. And eventually you destroy yourself. Living a double life ain't all it's cut out to be. Two women to please? Both trying to take up all your time with their demands? The fleeting sex isn't worth the toll it takes on you, and the women you destroy, not to mention your family! They will look at you with pure and utter disgust the moment your secret sees the light of day. And it will!!
Take some good advice from somebody who has lived out the affair for 5 years. You will eventually come to regret it. It's not worth it. You are now in the enviable position of not even starting. Do not start. I would stop all contact with this woman. Transfer departments or change jobs. For the sake of your wife. You have a duty as a husband and a real MAN to step up to the plate and resist temptation. Only weak men fall. Do you want to be weak?
At the end of the day, your issues are with you. If there is something not working in your marriage, TELL YOUR WIFE!!! Talk to her!!! Give her a chance to fix it. Give yourselves a chance to work through it. That is what marriages are about. In good times and in bad. You work through it together. If you cannot, then part ways. And then you can be an old fart salivating at the young women. But trust me, unless you are extremely wealthy, most young women wouldn't be interested in you at all. You are over the hill. Young women like young men who can keep up with them! You thinking she might like you is quite a stretch. Sorry to burst your bubble. You want her to like you. But in reality, she is just only being polite.
Just realize a little fantasy does not solve a damned thing. It just makes things worse in the long run. If you have a shred of decency, you will not walk this sweet, unsuspecting woman down that road. And you won't tear your wife's heart out doing it.
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A
female
reader, Tuatara  +, writes (3 July 2019):
 "i really like this girl and would like to spend time with her. we don't have to have sex. i would really just like to be friends and let whatever happens happen. it is really hard to do. i made the mistake of accidentally winking at her the other day. i hope i haven't blown it. anyone have any advice???"
What would put me off if I was this young lady is, that a married man was interested in me, crossing boundaries and potentially wanting to take things further and make me the 'other women'. I don't buy the only interested in a friendship and I think your post gives the impression that your okay with straying from your marriage, at this stage it is in the least emotional cheating. Marriages are at times boring, challenging and even can be hard work. When it gets tough some people will seek attention from outsiders rather than digging deep to fix and improve their marriages. Never okay to stray, all the excuses under the sun will never convince me. The amount of attention and thought your giving to the attraction you have to this young lady would be better spent focusing on what you are going to do if your unhappy in your marriage. Talk to your wife, you loved her once, enough to commit to her. Have some respect for your her and do the work on things to find that love again. My advice is to leave this young women alone through that process. If you don't wish to do that, perhaps ending things with your wife before you consider betraying her with a new focus would be more honorable.
Having integrity and strength of character in life and relationships is something you choose to have and adopt. Your playing with 'fire' and are likely to get burnt, at the least someone is likely to get very hurt, most likely your wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2019): What has this woman being ‘pretty ‘ got to do with anything . The fact you are fixated on her physical appearance proves you are thinking with your little head and not your big one. Perhaps if you were less concerned with appearance and more concerned with character you might realise your wife is probably far prettier than some woman at work you don’t even know
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2019): You're right!!! Its hard being unhappily married. By the way my wife is beautiful but her personality toward me sucks. I'd like to go to counseling hopefully she'll go. Hopefully we can correct our marriage.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 July 2019):
 You aren't single, so not only is it WRONG to pursue this young pretty coworker, it's also wrong towards your wife.
Stop thinking with your dick.
IF your marriage is not working and makes you unhappy, FIX that first. Figure out if the marriage is salvageable and then PUT in the work OR get a divorce. You think because you are attracted to this coworker it's totally OK to pursue her, but it's NOT. She doesn't deserve some sleaze married man chasing her. Someone who has NOTHING of substance to offer. You aren't looking for "friendship" here let's be honest. You might lie to yourself but I doubt anyone here is dumb enough to fall for that BS.
You CHOSE to make the commitment to your wife, so MAN UP and figure out if you AND your wife can save this marriage and make it work or if it's time to SET her free so she can find a man who WILL not only be faithful to her but love and cherish her.
You can't always get what you want in life.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 July 2019):
 Two problems here, my friend.
Firstly, you need to either sort out your marriage or end it. Hankering after pretty young girls is NOT going to improve your marriage. It will just temporarily take your mind off your problems at home.
Secondly, don't shit on your own doorstep. Dating work colleagues is seldom a good idea, and NEVER a good idea when you are married. You might kid YOURSELF that you only want to be friends, but nobody else is fooled. How will it look to the management at your workplace that a married man is fooling around with one of his colleagues?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2019): This is exactly why so many women feel we are valued for looks above all else and dumped when we get older. We give our lives to men only to have then throw us away when something new and shiny comes along . No loyalty or sense of memories or love
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2019): You're making inappropriate advances at a female co-worker; and winks can taken the wrong-way. Who cares that you're attracted? You may be unhappy, but you're still married. All she needs is to be some misbegotten mistress of some cheating husband, a man on her job no-less!!! It will become gossip, people are watching, and she could be setting you up for windfall in cash for sexual harassment!
Unhappy in marriage" Get counseling or divorce. That woman deserves attention from a single and available man; if she's looking for love. You do want sex, who do you think you're fooling here? We're not a den of fools, my dear sir!
Best you deal with your marriage first! Become a single-man. Don't jeopardize your employment with your on-the-job romantic-pursuits. You'll go from an unhappily-married man, to an unhappily-divorced and financially-bankrupt man.
Scorned ex-wives get their vengeance from the bottom of your pockets!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2019): If your unhappily married , leave the marriage THEN look for another relationship
Any time before you have left the relationship you have zero right to be winking at other women , let alone young girls
If your wife is not beautiful to you I can guarantee you there are many men who will find her very beautiful and take her off your hands
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2019): What is her age ? What is your age ? How long have you been. Married and do you have children . How old are they ? I notice you leave these important details out
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 July 2019):
 Yeah- leave her be. Even without sex, it would still be cheating, emotional cheating - insofar you do not just want to be friends. Yeah right. If you just were interested in friendship- you could introduce this colleague to your wife, and / or try to involve her in your family's outings and fun activities - hopefully she could become a family friend, wouldn't that be great ?... Uh.No. Because what you look for, is definitely not a new guest at your backyard barcbecues…
Moreover, she is young and she is beautiful. So why should shere be even marginally interested in getting closer to an older married man ? What have you got to offer her , that a young, SINGLE man can't give her as well or better ?
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