A
male
age
,
*rande2126
writes:one day I observed my wife walking down the road with a neighborhood guy. they were conversing and smiling, basically enjoying each other company. needless to say I felt jealous, and I told her so. flash forward, I been coming home lately and finding her alone with him in her office. Need I add she is also the pastor of our local church. then I checked her Facebook page and she has accepted him as a friend. I got upset and told her I'm not comfortable with her being alone with him and why would she hang out with him anyway knowing I already told her I'm jealous of him. with all that's going on I felt like she either want to make me feel jealous or she has no respect for me as her husband. Her take is...as the pastor she is counseling him because he is battling cancer and wants to kill himself. My take is, as a married woman she should not counsel a man without a third person there, especially a guy that her husband has already told her he is jealous of. am I over reacting?. I demanded that she see him with others there and that she remove him as a Fb friend. did I over step her bounderies?
View related questions:
facebook, jealous, married woman Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2019): It was jealousy that drove Cain to kill his brother Abel. You can't let jealousy be the motive behind anything you say or do.
Our deceitful minds can find thousands of ways, excuses, and reasons to justify our actions. No matter how wrong they are.
The devil distracts us through conspiracy theories. We don't need proof to reach conclusions. We let our feelings and emotions form quick judgements, rather than searching for God's truth, wisdom, and guidance. That's why we end-up losing the people we love the most. I'm speaking in relationship to us Christians, nonbelievers wouldn't understand. This is all foolishness to them. You should know what I mean.
Don't idolize your wife's beauty. Remember, God is a jealous God. He has that right. He created everything and everybody; and He should be loved and feared above all things and mortal beings.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2019): When encountering what we perceive to be evil in the making; we turn to prayer. We as Christians seek our answers and discernment through the Holy Spirit. Discernment allows us to use sound judgement without condemning people before we know all the facts. In the case of jealousy, accusation is baseless and without evidence.
This stood out more than anything you've said:
"I got upset and told her I'm not comfortable with her being alone with him and why would she hang out with him anyway knowing I already told her I'm jealous of him."
Jealousy is a favorite tool of the prince of darkness. He targets families and marriages to cause dissension, disruption, and to destroy trust. Once he has removed trust, the evil one can accomplish many things. He can disturb harmony, brew suspicion, and cause us to forget everything we've been taught about love, and Christ's teachings. We see things through jaded-eyes and cynicism. We see things in our minds and convince ourselves they're true. The devil is a liar. He is the king of liars!
Brother, pray about your jealousy. It's a tool the dark one will use over and over and over. If someone is still seeking his salvation, he may lie; because he doesn't know any better. He hasn't had the chance to repent, or atone for his sins. So you caught him in a lie. Well, you've accused him of all sorts of things regarding your wife. Are you saying that's better?
You also undermined your wife's walk with the Lord. You presume her faith isn't strong enough to withstand temptation. That implies she can't be trusted alone with people; because she might take advantage of her leadership and position in the church. So she should be monitored, because YOU'RE JEALOUS!
Pray for yourself, the guy, and your marriage. If your wife doesn't seek strength and discernment to lead her sheep; then perhaps she isn't anointed for her position as a pastor. I guess you've made that judgement and assessment. Never-mind what God says or thinks. You've made up your mind.
God bless you, and may He help you see more clearly.
...............................
A
male
reader, Grande2126 +, writes (10 August 2019):
Grande2126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwise owl, I hear what you are saying and to tell the truth, we have resolved whatever issues there were between us. This matter is a dead issue between my wife, myself and the other guy. if she is still seeing him, at least its not where I can see it..nor our kids...we all settled that issue because the guy brought my son into the mix by telling him that I ran him away from the church and the pantry. he lied..for whatever reasons..Im glad he did that because it shows he was up to no good..My only issues with all of this is...people have a history...man and woman alone creates feelings...this something natural...u don't even have to even do anything to foster those feelings...it happens..and that's all I was asking my wife to consider...talk to the guy with other people there...we all get it...if a man or woman going to cheat they going to cheat..no matter how much their spouse request they don't be alone with opposite sex if its in their nature they will act on feelings...Im one of the church leaders...and...as a husband and a leader of the church..im asking my wife/pastor to consider...how it looks for anyone on the outside..looking in...seeing her alone on a repeated basis with a man who is not her husband..or a family member..or a church member for that part..nor her husband's friend...to continue to meet alone with that guy is not a wise thing to do...not saying she is cheating on me...Im saying the appearance of things...for all that matters..im telling you...every detail that I wrote in here is true..how many church leaders have we heard about who flaunted boundaries..and ended up yielding to the flesh...why?...they forgot that they human and as human,..we all have hearts of flesh...if you know the bible...King david is mentioned as a man after God's heart..and even he became overcome with lust...not even talking to the woman..but by observing her...the bible teach us..the heart is deceitful above all things...Paul collected money for the poor...he didn't take the money..he sent it by others...why?...so that people would have no reasons to question his motives...we...as humans...as leaders...as spouses...regardless of office...we should not do things that makes a spouse or others...who are on the outside looking in question our motives...remember this much...and im saying this in closing...temptation can arrive at anytime...especially to those who think they standing...and if you are ill prepared...if your guards are down...youre in trouble...because temptation will not show up each and everytime with sirens and horns blowing...sometimes it creep up slowly...sometimes even in the form of an ailing man...you never knows...that's why we should test all things...and hold fast to what is good...abstaining from appearances of evil...again..thanks to wise owl and to all the others who answered my worries...its always good to hear other perspectives...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2019): If it wasn't for jealousy, I wish I could believe you. I think you are so blinded and overcome with jealousy that you're making up things to support your argument. You're deliberately scandalizing your wife's ministry; and thereby undermining her leadership in the church. You're on a path of destruction, because you'd do anything to remove her from her calling.
It's now in God's hands, and we don't get her side of this; all we have is what you say. You started out with one thing, and now it has grown into something else. With me, your credibility is shot. If you lose your wife, it won't be because of that guy.
Your posts get increasingly more disturbing, sir!
...............................
A
female
reader, KeW  +, writes (9 August 2019):
 Hello OP,
Ask her. I’m afraid we can’t help you any further in this situation unless you change how you are dealing with it.
Best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 August 2019):
 I don't mean this to sound rude (honestly) but how would any of US know the answer to that question? Why don't you ask your wife and see what she says?
Do you have a lot of spare time on your hands? Perhaps it might be a good idea to get a hobby or interest which would take up your time and stop you interfering in your wife's job?
...............................
A
male
reader, Grande2126 +, writes (7 August 2019):
Grande2126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all for the advice. Let me update you all. I told the guy I didn't want him alone with my wife..He went and told my son that I told him not to come round the church or pantry. Bold faced lie. My biggest question to the audience..if everything is so innocent like you all thinking...why does my wife continue to keep this guy photo on her office desk?..How smart is a woman who after her husband told her that he was jealous of this guy...see him alone in her office, and after me telling him I don't feel comfortable with him being alone with her...why keep his photo on her desk?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 July 2019):
Just because someone is in a relationship does not stop them feeling attraction towards someone else. HOWEVER, what they CHOOSE to do about that defines their moral compass. What you are basically saying is, you don't trust your wife to stay faithful. She could have every man in the area coming on to her but could still stay strictly professional, especially if her relationship with you was good. She would always weigh up what she stood to lose. However, if all she has to lose is a jealous controlling obsessed husband, then . . . Well, you know what I am saying.
This ill man you are focusing on chooses not to worship with you. Big deal. Many of us do not believe in organised religion. That does not mean we do not have morals or lead good lives. It certainly does not mean we do not know right from wrong. Don't assume, because he chooses not to get involved in your gatherings, that there is something suspect about him.
Let me give you a tip: if you trust your wife and TELL her you trust her, she is far more likely to stay faithful than if you keep checking on her and giving her a hard time about every man she speaks with. The poor woman must be weary, trying to do her job while satisfying your suspicious nature all the time.
The problem here is not that your wife is beautiful or that she speaks with other men, it is that YOU are jealous and insecure. She could look like the back end of a lorry and seldom get out of the house, but YOU would still be jealous and insecure. YOU do not trust your wife. This cannot be fixed by anyone but YOU. Regardless of how many "measures" she puts in place to reassure you, you will still be jealous and insecure. YOU need to go and get professional help. I feel so sorry for your poor wife. In her shoes, I would be seriously questioning my choice of husband. Your jealousy is far more likely to end this marriage than her infidelity.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2019): Typo correction:
" Your wife is a pastor trying to comfort a man who has cancer..."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2019): Sir you are the one given over to jealousy and suspicion. You wife is a pastor trying to comfort a man who has cancer, a life threatening disease. You're trying to convince us that God has nothing to do with any of this. You don't believe your wife has any control through the Holy Spirit from whom she receives her grace and anointing.
You need prayer. You're consumed with blind jealousy, and nothing anyone can say to you will get through to you. Jesus will in time. Even if He has to remove you from your wife's life in order that she can fulfill her calling.
This is my last comment. Every word in your final post indicates a man who does not share his wife's beliefs. You do not trust she has a divine-calling; therefore your marriage is not stable. You are disruptive and blind in your thoughts. God is stronger than you, and when He is at work; there is nothing you can do about it. She's doing God's work, and the devil is in you poisoning your mind. Goodness prevails. Every word you've written comes from a place of jealousy. That's all it is.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2019):
 I still suspect that this gentleman must be a prankster , and is having a good laugh at us Dear Cupiders. I really have a hard time to believe that someone can decide to marry a pastor with no understanding of what her ministry may involve at some point in time. Who frigging cares if the man does not come to your Church services ? Your wife has committed herself to serve God and serving God means also, or principally, assisting His children who suffer and cry out for help , whatever their religious affiliation may be !
As a matter of fact, your wife is a Protestant pastor- but, you, OP, talk and reason just like a radical Muslim !:
" Keep the two genders separated, by all means necessary, because flesh is weak, women are temptresses, and nobody can reign in their primal instincts and passions. Since it is inevitable that with time and opportunity , Satan will prevail and people will act on their sinful impulses, - let's just nip it in the bud by not allowing a man and a woman alone in the same room, and having workplaces, schools , hospitals, etc. segregated according to gender ".
And note, that this would be a very radical, hard- core version of Islam, which you'd find applied maybe in Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia, but not in the rest of the world.
Yes, OP, obviously we can be tempted and enticed and induced to stray, by engaging with the opposite sex, and yes, the more chances you have to spend time with a person , the more you might come to appreciate them with whatever this entail- So what ? We have the choice. We always have the choice. We can say no. Your wife committed to be faithful to you, and committed to be faithful to God ( for instance, by not going around screwing the sheep of her spiritial flock, which she is supposed to counsel and support ). She might have been tempted in the past, or she may be in the future , but the idea is not to shroud her in a burqa ( a Pastor in a burqa ?... ) so that no man can notice how attractive she us and prey on her, the idea would be to trust in her loyalty, sincerity and devotion which so far you have had no reasson to doubt !
But why am I going on. The more I consider this creepy mix of "fire and brimstone " and pruriginous innuendos in the OP's update, the less likely I feel we deal with a true dilemma. Or, if it's a true dilemma- well, then no wonder than in Honduras , where supposedly the OP writes from, an overwhelming majority of the population worships in Catholic ( not Protestant ) churches !
...............................
A
male
reader, Grande2126 +, writes (18 July 2019):
Grande2126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to all for the insightful comments as well as the comments that in my point of view, all missing the mark. My woman is a pastor, but she is also a woman, she is flesh and blood. flesh and blood is subject to temptation. I seen too many cases where "holy" people have fallen....and why is that?....you don't fall to temptation for temptation sake but u fall because you opens doors and get caught up over an extended period. If this guy was coming to our services I could see, but he refuses to come and fellowship with us. He rather pass by when he knows my wife is alone in her office. She is now telling me that whenever he comes over she calls somebody to be there in the building with herand what happened was, when the other person said they had to leave, the guy would say to her, im going to stay till your husband comes. In her words the Enemy is using him and myself to get at her. I say no...that it all boils down to her being firm and tell him to leave with the other parties. Most church leaders will not see a person of the opposite sex alone in the building...for obvious reasons...again my take on all of this is, a man and a woman alone repeatedly is going to create feelings...and the best way to offset temptations is not not get caught in situations that can lead to it...I will bet that most married people don't set out to fall prey to temptations, but if they continue to put themselves in settings and situations that can lead to intimacy and developingment of feelings...eventually things will grow...somebody gonna want more....U all haven't seen what my wife looks like,,,she is a pastor but she is also a very beautiful woman and men like to hang around beautiful women even if they are pastors...bottom line..we men are predators...we hunts women...from the time we are boys we been told that we have to go out and get all the cat we can get...I can talk for myself....just saying hello to some women every morning on my way to work makes me want to stop and find out more about them...that is human nature...the more u talk to the opposite sex the more u want to get into their pants...pastor or non pastor woman....I seen bit ministers fall..i seen a sunday school teacher,,the holiest of woman, shot dead by her jealous husband he killed her along with her lover...just because you are a Christian doesn't mean u exempt from lust and passions of the forbidden...again thanks to all for your attention to my problem. Did I mention that right now me and my wife we are not going thru a great period in our relationship...u all are adults u know what that does....any male talking to her is getting her at a time when she might be open...her defenses down...like apostle paul says...let him who think he stands...take heed..lest he falls...temptation can arrive at any time...especially when you least expect it...and if you are ill prepared...if you are unprepared....if you have dropped your defenses...if you are unguarded....youre in trouble...be strong in the Lord...guard yourself...also I want to reply to a comment made by Wise owl...U didn't get it....professional services is something you do for pay...my wife is giving him free advice...U pay to see a doctor and yes ure alone with that doctor under certain conditions...my wife is seeing a guy who is not a member of her church...who is not a family member or friend, he is simply a volunteer in our pantry..he lives across from our building...but never attends our regular services...he will come over after services and try to hog her time... or during the week when she alone...he doesn't have appointments with her...he is just walking in when he feels like...this is not a professional setting so u cant compare it as you did in your comments..the bottom line is...he is being calculated and she didn't show good judgement when she allows him to be there alone with her all the time ..especially after I had already told her that I was jealous seeing her walking down the road with him....if your spouse tell you that he or she is uncomfortable with you spending time with a person of the opposite sex...why would u spend time alone with that person...especially at the time your spouse is due to show up?...that's the part upset me..not that giving him advice...but the setting in which she doing it..in life there are boundaries that people has to follow...remember boundaries are not there to harm us...they there to protect us....
...............................
A
female
reader, KeW +, writes (17 July 2019):
OP, your wife is not yours to control. Your behaviour is undermining your wife. If you trust her, then her spiritually conversing with this man should not bother you.Men and women can be friends or spend time alone assisting with spiritual matters without there being intimacy. He doesn’t need to be religious to benefit from spiritual counselling from a pastor. This man does not WANT your wife as a companion to take home; he wants to talk with her because she is an approachable pastor - not every religious leader is easy to talk to.You have ignored suggestions to work on your marriage. If you feel threatened by your wife spending time alone with men, then it’s because you know she is not happy in your marriage. You can’t blame jealousy on him or her if you’re not going to try to fix your marriage - it’s not productive and getting rid of this man won’t help your marriage.I’m sorry, OP, but if you continue this way, you will push your wife further away and she may leave you - whether it’s for another man or not. Take the time to work on your marriage and try not to let jealousy ruin it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2019): Being a Christian and reading my Bible, I know one thing. The devil uses people in order to disrupt God's works. He knows how much God loves us. That God went so far as to sacrifice His only Begotten Son; to save us from ourselves and our sins. So, wouldn't it follow that he is using you to disrupt your wife's work in giving comfort and encouragement to someone looking to her as a tool of God? The man sees her only as a conduit to God's healing power. He told you his intentions are pure. You don't get to choose whom he should turn to, that's up to God!
Your wife is human. She is only a divine-instrument; but she has the grace and anointing of the Lord to teach His Word, and to fulfill His holy-calling.
Confronting the man out of jealousy showed him a great example of how the ruler of darkness can work through anyone. Even the husband of a pastor. Sorry, but you've made such an embarrassment of yourself. God saw it all! He is forgiving; and He understands your weakness. Only, it is sad that you aren't understanding of any of this; or what your wife does as a minister.
God removes obstacles, dear sir. You're going against something you have no power or authority to stop. You're too blind in your intent to disrupt to see the good. Carry-on, but you're wasting your time.
I hope your wife will pray for you, and her marriage. I hope and pray that poor man finds his comfort and healing through his mighty Creator. I pray that you will realize how you are being used to be a deterrent and blocker of your wife's calling.
You see...so far, God has been patient and understanding of your human-weakness. There will come a point when He will intervene; and there is nothing that anyone, including the devil, can do about that. God has been merciful towards you; because of the grace and favor He has on your wife. It transfers onto you.
There is no justification for your jealousy. God does not restrict your wife's evangelism and teaching to only people in her congregation. She is meant to help any lost soul looking for his or her way to Christ. It can expand to anywhere in the world! If God so wills it!
Sir, this is bigger than you, the devil, and your jealousy.
God has the power to move you out of His way. Your wife has a calling, and it came from the Almighty. When God wants something done, or He sends someone to work on His behalf; there is nothing you or anyone can do about it.
Have you prayed about this? Obviously you haven't; because you're too deep in trying to make everyone aware of your weakness and disbelief. If you lose your wife, don't blame it on the poor man stricken with cancer. Don't even blame it on jealousy.
James 3:16 AMP: "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder [unrest, rebellion] and every evil thing and morally degrading practice."
God's job is to eradicate evil and immorality. He's good at it!
This is bigger than you, dear sir! God bless you, and may He open your eyes to see the good that is being done here. May the Lord bring peace and healing to the man seeking comfort in the church; and may your wife find great favor in His Holiness, Christ Jesus.
This goes beyond love, it's about property and ownership. Jealousy takes it further than it's supposed to go. It's not about a man fighting for his marriage, it's selfishness and disrespect for the will of God. You married a minister, and that is what they must do.
...............................
A
male
reader, Grande2126 +, writes (16 July 2019):
Grande2126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis story is true. I'm living it. I saw my wife going down the street smiling and talking to this guy. I told her I saw them and I felt jealous. Flash foward. 3 times I come home and he is alone with her in her office. Yes she is our local pastor. Yes this guy is not a member of our church. He is not a family member. He is not a friend of mine. His only connection to us is we know him thru a mutual friend and he comes to our food pantry on Saturday to help us. Yes he does not attend our regular service even with him living across from our location. My biggest issues. Yes I am jealous. If you tell your spouse u don't feel right with him or her alone with an opposite sex. I feel your spouse should consider your request. My point isn't that she cheating or not. My point isn't about trust. My point is. Man and woman alone is going to create intimacy. I confronted the guy in front of my wife/pastor. I told him I'm not comfortable with him spending time alone with my wife. I understand he is sick and all but if he need to talk come to our services. He said I just need someone to talk to. My heart is pure. I got no designs on your wife. She listens to me and encourage me. I told him he needs to find a woman that he can take home and be his companion. My woman is not available to be your crying shoulder. Pure heart? I told him I don't know what's in your heart. But I do know that a man and a woman alone is going to develop feelings. Sooner or later one of both of you gonna want more than talk. I told him. Wear my shoes. You come home and keep finding a certain guy alone with your wife, tell me how you would feel. He said I know what it looks like but it not. My heart is pure. I said the bible says not to trust the heart because the heart is deceitful above all measure. My bottom line is he need to find a single woman who can meet his needs and leave my wife alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 July 2019):
If you wife WANTS to have an affair, she will find a way to have one, regardless of how many restrictions you put on her. In fact, the more restrictions you put on her, the more likely she is to want to kick back against them. Just human nature.
I would strongly suggest approaching this from a DIFFERENT angle: work on your marriage to make it stronger and healthier, then your wife will be much less likely to be tempted by anyone else. Tell your wife you love her and you trust her. Also tell her you know you are going through a rough patch and discuss how you can make things better so that you are both happier (and more secure) in your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2019): Being alone with the opposite sex does not mean their will be intimacy.If that were true everywhere you look people would get it on.The fact of the matter is you do not trust your wife at all.Admit it.Own it.This is her job.Get over yourself.Your marriage will fail if you do not trust her.Maybe get some therapy for yourself to work on your issues.I can see why your marriage has problems.It is 2019 you do not own her.Get help you really need it like yesterday.Unbelievable.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2019): Then you mean all professionals must have a third-party present when dealing with clients of the opposite-sex?
Lawyers, psychiatrists, personal-trainers, counselors, police, any and all who deal one-on-one? So you believe there must always be somebody in the room to dissuade any possible hanky-panky? Is there always someone in the room with you when you interact with other women? Your co-workers, a female boss, for any reason?
By law everyone has to practice professional-ethics, have some impulse-control, and not take advantage of your position of authority. Preying on the vulnerabilities of your clients is unethical, financially disastrous, and will get you into a heap of legal-problems!
That's suggesting no-one can be trusted; so everyone should be policed, monitored, and under surveillance 24/7!
Third-parties don't have to be present in every private interaction between people of the opposite-sex. That's totally ridiculous! It applies only in cases when women have to undress; and be physically searched, or medically-examined by men! What about confidentiality and attorney-client privilege? Would you want someone present and listening, while your female-boss tells you how incompetent of a worker you are before she fires you?
Seriously, do you think your wife is openly having an affair right before your very eyes? With some guy faking cancer, in her church office? Meanwhile, she's showing-up for church services, looking her congregation in the eyes, preaching Bible; and just blatantly using her position to cover-up her adulterous affair.
If you believe your marriage is in that much trouble; then why aren't you both seeking counseling together? Better yet, a divorce?
Why did you leave out all those details in your first post?
It would seem those details are what you should have disclosed; considering you're implying (or suspicious) your wife is cheating. I'm going to stick to my previous answer, based solely on your first post. It appears you're attempting to make a better argument to justify your jealousy; while throwing your wife under the bus. Now the guy turns-out to be single?!! Not a church member, but some random guy?!!
You're jealous, and you don't trust your wife. That's what your post was originally about.
Embellishing to sway opinions won't make your argument any stronger, or more credible. Just more suspicious!
Jealousy is the element that has tainted the credibility of your posts. I suppose your wife is going completely out of her way to scandalize herself, undermine her church, destroy her marriage, jeopardize her mortal soul; and be run-out of town on a rail by a horde of indignant church-people!
That's what happens to the kind of pastors you've described in your second post, dear sir!
...............................
A
female
reader, KeW +, writes (4 July 2019):
Hello OP,I understand your concerns, but you must remember than your wife is not your possession and that means you can't reasonably expect her to follow your demands.If your marriage is going through a rough patch, it would probably help to get marriage counselling - either through a faith-based marriage therapist or a religiously unbiased one.If your marriage is going to last, you will need to trust your wife. All of these concerns, while valid, are not going to make your wife be unfaithful unless she chooses to be.It's possible she is having an affair, but the only thing you can do is talk to her about your own marriage and how you can work on that together. If you both feel loved and appreciated at home, infidelity is much less likely.If this man is battling cancer, he may be considering his faith, even though he's not a member of your church. He may not be a religious man or he may just want counselling from someone who doesn't know him.It's likely to cause a bigger rift in your marriage if you push her on this, rather than communicating to improve your relationship. If she's cheating, you unfortunately can't stop her, so you have to decide if you can trust her or not. If not, it's a bad sign for your marriage, but if you can, then you need to try to put this out of your mind and get marriage counselling.Best of luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Grande2126 +, writes (4 July 2019):
Grande2126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the attention and the advice given to this matter. what I have to say in my defense is this. yes she is doing the Lord's work, however I don't feel that it is right for her to be alone with this guy on a regular basis. a man and a woman alone on a consistent basis is going to create intimacy. should I add on that this guy is not a family member, he is not a family friend, he is not a member of our church, and he doesn't have a professional relationship with my wife/pastor and he is single. and my wife and myself we going thru a rough patch rite now. add all those things up and in my eyes she is playing with fire. I heard of so many pastors who decided to counsel opposite sex members and they ended up having affairs. Man or woman of the cloth, if you overstep boundaries you are playing with fire. no matter how strong your faith is, being alone with the opposite sex on a regular basis is going to create intimacy
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 July 2019):
 Your wife isn’t a pastor for women only. Part of a pastor’s life is spiritual counselling one-on-one, regardless of their gender or her marital status.
Why did you marry her if this was a situation you would be jealous of? This guy, assuming she’s being truthful, is suicidal because of cancer - you don’t top that, as her husband, when she is a pastor.
If she was spending time alone with him as a friend, then MAYBE your jealousy would be slightly understandable, but she can still be friends with whoever she wants and you should be able to trust your wife - whether she’s a pastor or not.
I too wonder if this post is genuine, but I will continue as though it is: This is her JOB. She believes in a God who REQUIRES her to do this job. This job entails helping people one-on-one through crises, even men. If you are not happy with this, you married the wrong woman. You can’t DEMAND anything of her, whether she’s a pastor or not. Unless you have reason to believe she’d cheat, you need to curb your jealousy or get a divorce.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 July 2019):
Me, me, me. It's all about ME. This post is all about how YOU feel. Have you always been like this? If so, why did your wife agree to marry you, I wonder.
Do you have reason not to trust your wife? If so, that is a different matter. If not, then you have absolutely NO right to demand she is chaperoned during her work.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2019): Lets talk about the jealousy. Where does it come from, and why don't you trust your wife?
She is a woman of faith, fully-versed in the Bible, and committed to her faith. Wouldn't she respect and honor the sanctity of her marriage?
Her job/calling requires her to counsel, comfort, enlighten, preach, and console those in grief and pain. To lead the fallen to deliverance. To bring sinners to God. She is required to be patient and compassionate; or she isn't answering the calling of her faith or her Creator. Her work is not restricted to the people YOU approve of!
If you refer to her religious title in leadership as "pastor;" lets assume she ascribes to or abides by a protestant form of worship. She is aware of the consequences of adultery, she is aware of the concerns and expectations of her congregation, her behavior is closely scrutinized as a church-leader; and she surely cares about your feelings. Your jealousy is irrelevant. Only God's jealousy matters, because the consequences can be pretty dire!
A man or woman of true-faith puts God's work first. Before relationships, before marriage, before selfish needs, and before anything carnal. For which she will be greatly rewarded in the after-life. Did you not know this when you married a minister of the church?
If you share her faith, you know what her duties of her ministry are. She does not require another human-person present to oversee or monitor her behavior with another man. God is watching! The Holy Spirit is the third-person in the room! Those coming to her for counseling, prayer, or religious-consultation deserve their privacy and discretion.
Hell burns ten times as hot for those called to ministry who willfully sin and mislead God's children. You know that, whether you're a believer or not!
Your jealousy is your own problem to deal with. Talk to God about it. If you feel your marriage is in danger. Pray about it! I think she may be neglectful for not addressing that dark-side of you; rather than just ignoring it. If the Holy Bible is her reference; she has to pray for you, and make sure her marriage is "evenly yoked (II Corinthians 6:14)." This applies not just to marriage, but to all relationships. People must be on the same-page, have a mutual-understanding, and have similar faith and values to be successful. Opposing beliefs (i.e. unbelievers with believers) are unlikely to be successful.
If you both share your beliefs, then you understand her calling and her purpose. If God has placed the responsibility of teaching His gospel to someone in grief and facing his death; then take-up your grievances with the Lord. Your wife is doing what she was anointed to do. She isn't frivolously chit-chatting with some random guy, she is saving and comforting a soul. Smiling at another man is not flirting, it depends on what you have in your heart. Jealousy comes from a dark place in the spirit. It has to be controlled, or it will consume you! You're letting the devil have his way, and part of his job is causing dissension and mayhem. He attacks marriages and family-relationships, things he knows God holds most valuable. Targeting what God loves is what he does! Don't give-in to it!
If you're a believer, and you sense something occurring in your marriage contrary to God's will; then pray about it. He's the first one you turn to, when you feel something isn't right in your marriage. If you don't believe, then I guess you'll have to wing-it based upon your own understanding. You're married to a pastor, a minister of the Lord, and you don't trust her?
Like CindyCares suggests, I question the sincerity and legitimacy of this post?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 July 2019):
I have a hard time believing this a true story, yet I'll pretend I do and I'll tell you my opinion which is : of one is a jealous type, he / she shoild never ever marry a pastor.
Or a counselor . Or a psychiatrst. Or a lawyer, as for that. Or, anybody whose profession / call in life involves dealing with people one-on-one for obvious reasons of privacy and confidentiality.
If your wife's duties / moral obligation involve counseling and giving spiritual support to people from her community , what you suggest ( having a third party present when she counsels ) is simply ridicoulous. Nobody would seek counsel anymore , knowing that they have to bare it all in front of an uninvolved third party !
Why, if you had a bad case of hemorroids, would you feel comfortable sharing your anal woes in their gory details… with your married proctologist AND her / his spouse ?!
...............................
|
