A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship, we've been together almost 2 years and I genuinely couldn't be happier. My problem actually came just last night, when we were about to make love, and before I had a chance to blink, he was inside me- very little foreplay, very little touching, nothing to get me remotely horny enough for intercourse-To be honest, this has happened on a few occassions when we haven't had sex for a while, and I think the excitement rushes to him and he doesn't realise. Otherwise, he is an amazing lover and we are both able to enjoy sex and reach orgasm.Last night when he done this forever, I looked at him in disgust, and just went cold, and this time I told him that it really annoyed me, and how was I supposed to enjoy sex when he does it like that- he lost his erection and I stormed upstairs.My question is, was I wrong to communiate this? He left for work this morning and I haven't spoken to him since. I feel that it's better to tell him, but i'm afraid I have hurt his feelings and his manhood- though isn't that better than lying there and faking it??..I have also noticed quite recently that I am so much dryer than I ever ever was, I'm horny, but dry. I can barely lubricate myself naturally and I am only 21 years old.Please advise.
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erection, foreplay, horny, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ulick  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 make him understand you want foreplay in a nice way and reward him for it with something special when he does it. And its also good you make it clear you do not like it with out foreplay. but always try to keep a balance btw your and his needs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): My suggestion was that you over reacted. he is quite young and they tend to finish quick. it is normal. They are impateinet. So have fun. forget what happened.
One side effect is that. If you made him conscious about it. He may loose interest and erections also.
He will be just fine w/o your saying it. You are not marrried yet. So i suggest, do not let your relationship trouble coz of small issue.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 The problem wasn't the message you communicated, it was how you communicated it.
I understand, because I can be quite hotheaded myself - and I fly off the handle as well.
However, learn from this and talk to him about it. Next time he does something unsatisfactory in the bedroom, stop and think and try to be more gentle about it.
Sexual issues are very delicate, and both people need an open mind an understanding when dealing with them.
However, his response was also childish. He needs to also be more mature about the situation and realise that you are not happy, and understand that you flew off the handle and got angry.
You now need to communicate to him that you are sorry for how you acted, but tell him that this is an issue that needs to be worked out. Hopefully you can both handle this more maturely in the future :)
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (13 March 2010):
 It's not what you said it's the way you said it. If he suddenly criticized you performance in bed in the same manner how would you have reacted?
As far as he was concerned it was out of nowhere and his ego's taken a bashing. The silence is now the price you pay.
I think you're definitely right for telling him though. You've just got to tread carefully though with guy's in these sorts of areas.
He probably thought you were loving it before as well lol.
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A
female
reader, ElectricSheep  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 You could have conveyed your message in a less aggressive way. Say what you want to say in a non-attacking way. That way, no one will have to get defensive. If you had talked to him about it before and he still did it, then that would be a problem, but it seems you hadn't told him about this before. So, you can't blame him for not reading your mind.
Now of course he needs to think about your needs too (it's never good to lie and fake it), so to make sure that happens, talk to him calmly and no storming off either.
As for your lubrication problem, it maybe be things like stress that is affecting that. Try to relax, or you can buy lube to help with that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): You were absolutely right to tell him about the problem, but frankly your delivery could have been quite a bit better. Regardless, if he's a decent guy, he's stewing over his mistake, not your delivery of the message. Be extra sensitive for the next little while.
Those messages do stick in a guy's head. About 20 years ago my wife and I were watching "When Harry met Sally." Maybe you're too young to know the movie, but you're probably familiar with that fabulous scene from the restaurant where she fakes a very loud orgasm. Well, in a moment of utterly horrid judgment, at the end of that scene I turned to my wife and said, "that's more than I ever get from you." Her reply, which I've obviously been mulling ever since, was "at least what you get from me is honest."
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Communication is a good thing, but telling him that he "should" have been better when you were disgusted, cold and annoyed with him is not such a good thing.
If you're going to communicate, you have to comment on his actions and not your feelings. Tell him what he did that you didn't like and what he could do better. Best would have been to tell him you weren't turned on enough yet when he was about to penetrate you so that he'd know that you weren't ready.
If you're truly worried about losing your natural lubrication, you could always see a doctor.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Yes its a bit insensitive of you to react like that. You could have told him in a more calming mannor.
I suspect your pissed off beceause he doesnt give you enough foreplay.
Get yourself some sex toys and ask him to play more with you. He will have a great time discovering your sensitive spots and so will you.
Learn together, play together and take your time over it.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (12 March 2010):
 maybe you shouldnt have got angry and stormed upstairs it mite have really hurt his feelings as he probably wasnt expecting you to say anything of the kind but i think when he gets home maybe apologise for the way you spoke to him but explain to him calmly that even though your horny you cant seem to get very wet so when he doesnt do foreplay it hurts you and you prefer that he sets the atmosphere with some foreplay before getting straight into sex
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