A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my mom is very condescending about my relationship with my boyfriend. I’m 20, he’s 22, we’ve been dating for 10 months and we’re both virgins.My mom and I are pretty close, but we have more of a friend relationship than a mother/daughter relationship. We have a great time together, and it’s always been like that. Needless to say, I tell her everything about my relationship. We’re both pretty sarcastic people, so when I vent about my boyfriend it’s usually laced with sarcasm, and she of course comes back with sarcasm and jokes. The first joke she started was about him being gay since we obviously haven’t had sex yet. I laughed along at first since I’ve poked fun at her boyfriend before, but she just won’t drop it. She’s becoming very mean and condensing about it to the point where I’m almost at tears because I’m so frustrated when she doesn't drop it. I’ll bring up that it’s nice how he doesn’t want to go to a strip club with his friends and instead of being supportive she’ll say “Yeah, why would he want to go if he doesn’t even want to see you naked!” or I’ll tell her that he isn’t all about sex in our relationship and she’ll be super patronizing about it and say “Well, he’s a good first boyfriend, maybe your next one will have sex with you.” It just crushes my confidence in myself and my relationship every time it happens. She’ll start comparing my relationship to hers, and calling her boyfriend better than mine because he has money, and wants to have sex and whatever else my boyfriend doesn’t do. It’s getting to the point where I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic anymore, and it’s obviously hurting me. The obvious solution would be to stop talking to her about it, but I hate not telling her things about my relationship or my problems. She used to give great advice, but now I’m just plain afraid to bring anything up to her. Whenever I mention that she’s being a bit harsh, or going overboard on the jokes, she’ll always go “No I’m not! Ok ok I’ll drop it” but she’ll go right back at it whenever I bring him up again, so I’m not really sure what to do.Do I just need to toughen up and learn how to take a joke? Or should I just forget about talking to her and confide in someone else? I honestly can't tell if I'm just being butthurt and need to lighten up or if she's just becoming a mean person all of a sudden.
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both virgins, confidence, crush, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 You may want to ask yourself, why does it bother you? Is it because, on some level, you suspect the same thing? That your boyfriend might be gay because the two of you are not having sex? Does it bother you that you're not having sex with your boyfriend?
And in terms of your mom, if it bothers you then you need to learn how to communicate to her when something is a sore spot and not something you want to talk about. If she can't respect your need then find someone else to talk to. This applies regardless whether it's your mom or friend.
A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 she obviously doesnt mean to be horrible towards you and isnt getting the idea that what she is saying in genuinely upsetting you.you need to tell her that the odd joke is fine but when she keeps bringing up the same thing it makes you feel insecure in yourself and it makes you feel that she has a problem with your boyfriend which you dont like tell her that it really upsets you and even though when you tell her she stops she brings it back up.id ask if she has a problem with your boyfriend as she has been finding alot of fought in him recently and you need to tell her that its yours and your boyfriends decision not to have sex yet and that she shouldnt joke about it as its a mutual decision between the both of you and most parents would be happy to hear there daughters say something like that.after speaking to her properly about how you feel if she still continues stop talking about your boyfriend or reacting to what she says and confide in someone else she will then realise that it is her own fault that you wont talk to her openly anymore and she might show you a little more respect in the future
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