A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen for a guy who just wants friends with benefits, we have only kissed at the moment but he wants more, I am quite happy because I like him my problem is that I am a virgin and he is the only person I have kissed, he doesn't know this and I don't want him to find out. I am not sure what I am doing. Has anyone got any tips on oral sex etc. so that I don't make a fool of my self. I know most people thn it is good t save yourself for someone special but I just want to know what it feels like and I can't seem to find a boyfriend and this guy is so nice and at least he has been honest, we both just want fun but because I don't have a clue what to do I would love some tips/advice.
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female
reader, lily13524  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 i think you should really get to know this dude better..and matter of fact why wouldnt you tell him about your past and yu never kiss a boy b4 except him...yu not being honest so thats a prob you have to fix their..wen yu about to have sex..you have to be able to trust the guy with your heart and having sex means you have learn about the person life and background already and from the way you put this..i dont think you even kno his fav colour or even deepest darkness secrect...so plz...get to kno him better and you will kno wen is the right time to give your virginity up ...and the matter of fact this boy mayb turn out to be a jerk ...wen his learns to be impatient wen yu tell him yu wanna get to kno hom better..and wait..so plz take my advice and wait...
A
male
reader, rom +, writes (8 August 2009):
Well for what its worth I would not even entertain it. I am not all high and mighty and moralistic beleive me I have done stuff I am not proud of and have been a real shit to women when I was younger. What I do know is that Men see sex in a totally different light to women and can have sex just literally to get rid of a load to put it bluntly. Women do form connections when sex is involved and having FWB I think is pretty crap as it will end bad eventually as the bloke will see it as just sex and when he gets bored or finds someone he loves he will cut you off like he never knew you as he has crossed the line and had sex with you.Why is it that everyone is in such a hurry to have sex and lose their virginity???? I have found that sex in a loveless relationship or sex just for the sake of sex is pretty boring and pointless after a while and once you are finished all i want to do is get away from that person.Try and find someone who you care for and who you can enjoy time with forget the FWB.
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A
female
reader, young and opinionated +, writes (8 August 2009):
 well. well. well. my first time was with a friends with benefits. So i am hoping i can help you!I was 19, and the curiosity was killing me! i just wanted to know what all the fuss was about. And i have to tell, you i do not regret it one bit! Sure, it wasn't with someone 'special' but i'd done practically everything else except for actual intercourse with past boyfriends so i knew more or less what to expect. I took control of the situation and talked through the whole thing.However, I do have to let you know that, putting the virgin issue to one side...Friends with benefits is a very bad idea!! Because as birdnumnums has said, women bond to the men we have sex with and it really messes you up emotionally. And that's something i learn the hard way, so i hope you don't too!If you really want to go ahead with it, then i suggest you just have sex with him once only! So you don't end up getting attached to him and enevitably getting hurt!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 FWB is an invention by men for men, because it suits their own selfish purpose, to get laid. FWB NEVER works for women, because nature has predisposed women to bond and attach to the man we make love with. On top of this, you have written that you have already "fallen" for this cad.
Sleeping with this boy (not man) after he has demeaned you by asking for sex without love would lead you into a painful relationship - one that you willing lead yourself into even knowing all the facts beforehand.
All the Aunties and Uncles here know that you are a lot smarter than letting yourself fall into this trap. If you are too week around the cad, then put a lot of distance between the two of you until you cool down. Find a great guy who will treat you well and be happy!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 August 2009):
Wow, you really want to give your first time to a guy who just wants you for a casual shag every now and then?
Classy!
Why can't you wait until you have a boyfriend, have someone who actually cares about your feelings and will put some romance into things?
This guy is just going to want simple, straight to it, sex.
And when he finds a girl who he actually likes and cares about he's going to drop you and cut contact and how will you feel then?
Please please please don't give your virginity to this guy.
Friends with benefits are FANTASTIC, but not for anything special like this.
Tell him you aren't willing to be so easy to get sex from and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Hi Hun
There is no problem having a F.W.B I mean what would we do without them? But the only thing that concerns me here is the fact that you are still a virgin and you could quite easy become attached. Anyone can become attached but because this would be your first time it may hurt you...If you did..I no you like him and generally when your in a sexual relationship things come pretty natural. I would think really hard first hun, Maybe there is a guy around the corner that you can have a relationship with and then loosing you virginity would be a much better and pleasant experience and you know it means something.. I hope you understand were Im coming from love just watching out for your feelings TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 August 2009):
 I can give you all the sex tips in the universe, but first you're going to have to sell me on this idea. I'm sorry, but just giving it up to a guy who has flat out told you he doesn't want anything but sex from you, that doesn't sound ideal to me. People will tell you over and over again that sex is best with someone you love and it's TRUE. If you're curious as to what it feels like, you'll get a more accurate read when you're with someone who cares about you as much as you care about them. The comfort level goes up and the enjoyment through the roof!
I vote that you hold out for a boyfriend who doesn't just want some fun and ass, but actually wants YOU. If you insist on going down this route though, make SURE you have safe sex, don't expect it to be magical the first time or 5, and pick up a Cosmo for all the little sex tricks and tips. Only do what you're comfortable doing. Relax, laugh, and be patient.
P.S. Come clean with the fact that you're a virgin. He NEEDS TO KNOW, so that he can be gentle and show you the ropes. If you want to have sex with this guy, you've got to be able to be honest with him first.
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A
female
reader, cilimora +, writes (8 August 2009):
Hey, you SHOULD wait to have sex. Like vaginal sex. As for oral and all that other crap, I remember my first time and it's not as hard as it sounds cuz I didn't wanna look like an idiot either. But it's just something that just comes to you. Like when people have sex, no one tells them what to do right? They just know the thing is supposed to go into the hole lol then they figure out the rest themselves. Don't act like you've done it before just go for it. If he does make fun of you or something he's a jackass and don't waste time experimenting on him. Its like making out, but don't do anything cuz you feel forced cuz you think he won't like you. Do it cuz you WANT to. For yourself. If your 16 or under, trust me, don't rush it. Sex will be good now and 10 years from Now :)
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A
male
reader, urbanking99 +, writes (8 August 2009):
Well you have got your answer in that you are both being honest with each other. Don't be scared to ask this guy questions. Ask him what he likes and he shoudl do the same for you. Let your imagination work as well, it's surprising how rude your imagination can be. It would be every guys pleasure to be with a virgin but truthfully so long as you're with someone you want to be with then that's all that's needed.
Take your time, relax and take things slowly and progress it makes the whole pleasure of lovemaking much more passionate and intense. Only one thing I can say is make sure he knows how to perform cunninlingus and that he spends time doing it. Practice makes perfect so they say but for this pleasure I would just like to keep on practising.
Enjoy and have fun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): After reading your post i do have some advice by putting myself in your situation as i have been there once before. I understand that you dont want to tell this friend about your virginity BUT always remember there is no shame in it AND if he "likes" you back even just as a friend for fun maybe it wouldnt harm to tell him and things could go slower then normal? As for tips, i'm not sure how to help, i figured that things towards sex just happen an seem to go naturally. Most people find that sex isnt great the first time but after that its special or just nice, if its love or feels right with the person you have chosen. I hope my advice has helped or made you feel somewhat better in anyway.
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A
female
reader, PrincessSmithee  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 You'll be very vulnerable losing your virginity to this guy, trust me.my plan was to wait for someone special, didnt happen.Ended up sleeping with my best friend when we was drunk.Be true with yourself do you really like him?Because if you like him more than fun and like spending time with him, think about him alot.You'll get feelings since hes your first. be honest with yourself, how would you feel if he was gone out your life the day after you sleep with him. Been there, done that, hurt like hell. ive been used by 2 guys. Ive only slept with them once and i cant describe the heartache .. when they turn around and dont seem that interested anymore, or like other girls.make sure you know exactly what he wants because if he just wants fun, thats all he will ever want.
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