A
female
age
36-40,
*thomas
writes:I'm in my early 20s and my boyfriend of 3 years is in his mid 30s. We had a very healthy sex life up until about 6 months ago. He has started being somewhat distant when it comes to sex. I'm a very sexual person and I feel deprived. I've looked up tips and new moves to try on him, which he enjoys, but it doesn't help. We have sex an average of 4-5 times a month now compared to 6-7 times a week a few months ago. I need more sex and he just doesn't seem to get it! I hate it but I almost have the urge to cheat because I have needs to be fulfilled, but that's the last thing I want to do too! Please help... Is there anything I can do to get him to understand? I'm pretty sure he's unaware of how seriously it's harming our relationship, any tips or ideas that he won't be able to resist?? I love him and want to save this relationship but I simply can't be happy w/ someone while being deprived of one of the most important things in a relationship... sex. Obviously he feels that we do it enough. That's not the case. What to do?
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female
reader, jthomas +, writes (18 December 2009):
jthomas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your help! I feel better, I appreciate the good advice! Also, I wanted to let you guys know who mentioned communication, your right, I didn't mention that. However, I've tried that too. I've approached him w/ it every way I've know how to. Trust me, cheating is not what I want to do, I'm ruling that out now. Thanks again!
A
male
reader, always_diving +, writes (18 December 2009):
You haven't mentioned at all that you've talked to your boyfriend about any of this. Honestly, that would be the VERY first thing you should do. No tips, tricks, or Chinese sex secrets will help if there is an underlying problem that you are unaware of. And I really hate to say this, but a sudden drop in sexual interest can mean a lot of things, including medical problems and/or that your partner is cheating on you. You need to talk to him! If this doesn’t get you anywhere, you may need to move on to a partner that is able to satisfy you. And that doesn’t mean cheating, it means moving on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): You really need to encourage him to see a doctor. there may very well be something wrong physically. or he maybe way overstressed at work and being overstressed really kills the sex drive. Sex is wonderful but communication is also pretty important. TIme for you to open up to him and express your concerns, and feelings.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 There is nothing wrong with being a very sexual person at all, but due to your young age, you haven't quite got the tools to solve the puzzle with your boyfriend.
You can't just flat out tell him that you need more sex. He will not respond to that. Not many men will. When it comes to sex, we have these really fragile egos, so you have to turn it around. He has to think that HE needs more sex.
He may be one of those guys who has got comfortable in a relationship, and maybe takes you a little for granted.
I don't know if you live together, or what your circumstances are, but there are a couple of things you could do.
Stay patient until the next time you have sex. Then the next day, text him during the morning, while you are at work, and tell him that you are still thinking about last night. Make out you are trying really hard to do your job, but you can't help yourself. Tell him you can't wait to get back home.
If and when you go out in public, shopping, or a restaurant or bar, remind him how much he turns you on etc, and slyly touch his private parts. Be careful though, depending upon which state you live in, the risk of an arrest for lewd behaviour is there, if he gets too hot.
Try wearing make up and heels around the house. Get him to remember what a sexy young thing you are. And DO NOT let him see you naked - unless HE takes your clothes off.
Lastly, if he still shows no improvement, then go to bed at the same time as him, and gently stroke your pubic mound, while you reminisce on last time. Make sure he knows or sees you doing it. If you need frantic masturbation for him to get the message, so be it.
I cannot guarantee that he will be goggle eyed, with a massive hard-on every night, but I'm pretty sure he will improve on once a week.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 December 2009):
Is he stressed at work? Is he depressed and not saying anything? Is he ill? Rather then look at cheating, which will leave you both broken hearted, you really need to talk to him about it. Tell him you're worried he is becoming more and more distant, and tell him that if it continues, you don't see the relationship working out. Tell him that he needs to be honest with you. Something is wrong with him and he needs to open up.
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