A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Someone please help me!I've just found out that my Internet romance, who I have fancied for about 4 months now and think he's amazing, is a Muslim! I'm a strong Christian in a very strong Christian family. I don't know what to to I love him to bits but it's going to hurt my family as they have always wanted me to marry I nice Christian man. Please please help me I have no idea what to do!? I love him to bits though it really has killed me :'(
View related questions:
christian, muslim Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Everyone has a lot of wisdom to offer you. You are still very young, really too young to be thinking of marrying him or even making a commitment.
As Cerberus Raphael stated, The teachings of both Jesus and Mohammed on being loving, and considerate toward others were not really addressing individual questions of love and marriage between people of widely different cultures.......yes, Judaism, Christianity and Islam do worship and serve the one God, but their practice of worship and service is not the same at all. No communion service in Islam (they are forbidden to drink alcohol; men and women are segregated when at Friday prayers - even praying at home, women are to be behind the menfolk, not in front, not beside them.......Even if a Muslim man can marry a non-Muslim, the non-Muslim would experience strong pressure if not from him, then certainly from his family and community, to convert. LOVE per se isn't the difficulty here; the vastly different customs and interpretations in how to carry out the commands of God ARE.
No, enjoy it for what it is, an internet romance, but nothing more, is my recommendation......
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian women.
The problem is that most often they don't want to.
A marriage is in most Muslim countries ,even the most Westernized ones, something much less personal and private
than in our culture ; it involves having support, approval and recognition from parents , relatives, friends and the whole community one belongs to. All this is much more easily given to a Muslim bride which authomatically will fit in with values and traditions.
Anyway, as other posters have commented, this is really looking too much ahead.
The OP is 16-17, and this is a new born Internet romance.
It would not probably have long life even if they guy were Christian... so my advice is to enjoy it while it lasts and
not get too carried away with heavy emotional investments.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Considering the ages involved, I doubt this will work out. Although this really isn't fair on either one of them, but there are just to many cases of impressionable white girls falling for the macho culture of Islam only to find that in the end, this is not going to work.
And yes, I am now judging him by endless stories of young Muslim men in the press and not him as an individual and that just isn't fair. On the other hand, what else can I judge him on? I have no info even about his age.
Crossing religions/cultures is very diffcult in a relationship, it requires both partners to be mature enough and willing enough to meet in the middle. Young kids rarely are capable of it. They tend to believe strongly in ideology, and all religions are equal is an ideology, and are incapable of seeing reality.
The western Judeo-christan culture is currently at odds with the Islamic culture. Just yesterday Saudi-Arabia blocked facebook claiming it went against Islamic values. This site probably does to. So if you got a facebook page, you got to close it to follow strict Islamic law. How far can you go until meeting in the middle is just no longer possible?
But some people do make it work. Just proceed with extreme caution and always ask, what am I giving up to be with that other person. If you start having to surrender your own identity, then that becomes to much and you will sooner or later break.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): touch of ignorance about Islam here. Under Christianity and Islam there is only one God. The Same God. Allah to Muslims. God to Christians. Muslims recognise Jesus Christ, but refer to Jesus as a prophet. Just as Mohommed is a prophet under Islam. In different languages is the equivalent word for ''chair''. varies in different cultures. But it is still a chair. Just as God is the same God in different cultures.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): It is likely his parents will be outraged that he has been talking to you. Such marriages do happen, but they are not easy for all concerned. Devout Muslim and Devout Christian families can both have very strongly defined barriers and objections to such relationships. But at aged 16-17 you are too young to be thinking of a permanent bond like marriage in any case. In Chinese families there is a proverb to address concerns about a relationship. It is ''the windows of the two buildings facing each other should line up''. It means that a marriage where you share the same background, experiences, views, attitudes, socialisation, financial status, social status, income status, norms and practices is much more likely to succeed, than one where there is great disparity in any element. I suspect the flurry of objections from both families will encourage the end of this relationship, whatever happens. It is unlikely that he would want to stop following Islam. But to marry him it is more likely that you would have to renounce Christianity and take instructions to follow the Muslin faith.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Just so everyone understands, I did not mean to offend anyone by what I said or what I will say, I am merely offering my perspective and my opinions on this matter.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (14 November 2010):
When a Christian prays to God and speaks of Jesus, does that Christian think that the Jews and the Muslims are sinfully parading around? No. The Jews and the Muslims too, show appreciation and respect for God and for Jesus and for all around them. Jesus never forbade anyone to keep love for someone specific. Jesus encouraged all, he preached to all TO LOVE THY NEIGHBOR whether it is they are men or women, black or white, Jew or muslim or Christian. Jesus was tolerant of all who showed love and kindness. Why should one heed the words of others who may be corrupt in their ways?
I do recall a passage
"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." Is this truly what god wishes? For loving, innocent and sinless people to be treated as property? I think not.
The point her being that all these religions came from one man. Jesus Christ who was unbiased, unfaltering and benevolent in his ways. I am not suggesting that you surrender your religions, I am merely urging you to think about what it is the 'holy' priests preach to their followers in their sermons. Do you question the words of those who claim to be holy when they preach of things that contradict Christ's teachings? Or do you selectively choose to follow certain passages of supposedly holy scriptures? I also recall reading a passage that forbade one to consume shellfish. Do you take that seriously being a Christian? You cannot blithely follow something that has literally no reason.
Most importantly, you cannot ignore love. Love which was bestowed upon us by God. We are free to love, every single one of us. That, in essence is what all religions did once command. That is what they are still trying to command. Acceptance and love for all around you. You think it impossible to love this Muslim man simply because you believe in something different? Does Christianity command you to reject all other ideas? Why then would you ever lay your fingers upon a computer, knowing that such things came from science and knowing science often conflicts with religion! Accept the love you feel in your heart and do not base the future of your relationship on something that was preached by someone who assumed themselves to be holy, would you not prefer to listen and read closely to what it is Jesus Christ himself taught us? He has to meet you halfway. He must accept you the same way you should accept him and I think you will find that though your ways of worship differ significantly, you will share many beliefs, you will know that God and Jesus's words were indeed the holiest. I do not know if Jesus was God's son, but I would not be surprised to find out that he was for his words were divine enough for me.
No more conflict. I know muslims. I know Christians. I know Jews. We are friends with each other and never do they criticize each other for believing what they do. I see only friendship and when I see that I have faith in each religion. That is what you must do. God would smile upon real love, pray then for God to guide you. Love this Muslim man as you will and seek a relationship with him if you wish, I have faith that God would lead you away from him if you were not meant to be.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): My mother was christian and my father was muslim and my mother converted and she respects Islam greatly as she found many many similarities in her beliefs. She didnt change as a person either which was the most important thing.
Religion is huge with relationships and can be deal breakers. My cousin and her husband are different religions and are married and respect each others differences and they have a young son. However, I dont know how they are going to raise him in what religion...thats a toughy.
Then again my brother split with his GF of seven years cause he was on the fence with choosing a religion and it was opposite of hers.
Id say both of you need to think of your long term relationship goals and see if they are in line. Then, see how you would raise kids if you had any. Yes youre talking kids cause if ever suspect things to become serious, thats perfectly normal to talk about. Think long term and in regards to the family, they should see each of you as people and while you may feel some adversity, that can be tough to deal with but if you let it get it to you, that could suggest lack of confidence in the relationship stability. Your job is just to be who you are and be respectful and consistent with each other to show others your differences can be worked out and can coexist. Hope this helps too.
...............................
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (14 November 2010):
A Christian dating a Muslim is the same as a Christian dating any non-Christian. You two just happen to share different world views. I am a Christian and have dated strong Christian girls as well as girls who do not believe in anything.
To me, that just meant they didn't share my experiences or views and had nothing to do with my care and love for them. In the end, love is what matters. If my religion would forbid me from engaging in a healthy, loving, committed relationship with the one I love just because they haven't developed the same world view as me, I would be appalled and consider that a form of discrimination.
Love is love.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): the Bible tells us to love other religions, but not to enter relationships with him. I'm afraid you're going to have to say goodbye. but continue to show him christian love
...............................
A
female
reader, Miss.Me +, writes (14 November 2010):
 A Muslim man can marry a Christian woman. He can't force her to convert or do anything she doesnt like (same goes for whether she's Muslim, Christian, Jewish). All that's needed of the woman is that she's a good person; and it sounds like you, as a devout Christian, fit that description. Families on both sides may disagree about their child's choice, but ultimately it's YOUR choice. Families will begin to accept their child's choice once they see how good of match they are. I do have to say though, you might be surprised at how similar Islam And Christianity really are. Like I said, you won't have to convert but having an open mind will be a must (same goes for him). Now, your age is listed as 16-17. I think its still too early to worry yourself with this dilemma. Plus you only know him through the internet so you might not even have to deal with the issue that he's non-Christian. I think its a good thing to meet others of different faiths or beliefs. It shows that everyone is human whatever their belief system is.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (14 November 2010):
No one has to completely give up anything but if they both love each other, they both must meet each other halfway. It is not impossible. I know of a couple just like this girl. It is not theory, but potent possibility. Yes I am aware of the differences in practice but that does not render this impossible.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 November 2010):
In theory, what Cerberus Raphael says is all well and good.
BUT there is a HUGE difference in the ways Christians and Muslims practise their religion. How much do you know about what is involved and expected of a devout Muslim, man or woman? They are expected to pray five times daily, and women and men worship separately when they attend Friday prayers at a mosque. The pressure would be great on you to convert to Islam, and once you do, it is strictly forbidden to renege on your choice. Your parents wouldn't be happy, and there is a question as to whether your bf's family would be pleased with his choice of you.
As long as this is only an internet romance, I strongly advise you to think very, very seriously about continuing with it........
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (14 November 2010):
If the love you feel is real, nothing should get in the way of you two being together. Both religions were born of peaceful teachings. Even Jesus himself accepted all no matter what race or creed. Somewhere in time, words were forged and forced into Christian teachings until all that was once pure warped into something horrid. In Islam, followers also follow the words of Jesus very closely. Both religions were meant to spread the word and actions of peace, what better way to practice these teachings than to show how loving you two can be? In my opinion, Christians, Muslims and Jews should only follow Jesus and no one else for his words were and still are the most benevolent. Your hearts tells you the same I suspect, that there is nothing wrong with it which is why you love him so much. When the time comes, tell your family that this is what you want and that it will work because this is what these religions were based on. Love. You are merely being a good Christian and following the words of Jesus by loving unconditionally.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
