A
male
age
51-59,
*irius70
writes:I think I may have blown it, so to speak. I am dealing with and trying to conquer social anxiety and other social challenges. Though through these challenges, I have remained a virgin and I am 40! I am worried that when I do start a relationship, the woman will freak out if she finds out that I am still a virgin and distance herself from me.My friends tell me to lie about it and try my best to pass it off like I have experience. Is that the best course?How old is too old to be a virgin in your opinion?
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female
reader, beyondbeautiful +, writes (2 January 2011):
 to be honst with you . why would it ever come up. i mean if you dating a woman and your just having a conversation then ot would never come up . like i dont think a person would ask a 40 year old if they are still a virgin . i mean i wouldust assume you arnt and really it is not anyones business . and thir nothing rong with it because you havent found a with bein a virgin i hope i helped
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 I'm sorry, because I think I sounded a bit harsh, really. I was just trying to warn you about opening up and laying everything on the table, because that isn't always the best thing to do.
If you are 40 and haven't yet slept with a woman, a lot of women would wonder why. But there will be someone out there who doesn't, and who loves you for who you are, I am sure. But as strontiumdog said, you don't need to tell someone all about it first off. These are things that come out usually in the first year of a relationship, regardless of when sex happens.
I really hope you meet someone, but also agree maybe the cognitive therapy would help with shyness. It is usually very useful and helpful (it is just really strategies for giving yourself a kick up the backside at the same time as reassuring and calming you! So you feel both safe, secure and positive - it could really help you.).
Good luck : )
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male
reader, Sirius70 +, writes (1 January 2011):
Sirius70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, this gives me something to weigh when a future relationship happens.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (1 January 2011):
i would say don't say anything about it at the start (ie, don't say it is either your first or your thousandth time), and then later, when/if you feel really close and able to, tell her it was your first time (that might be 5 years later - i don't know when would be a good time to tell her).
so, i agree with your friends. to be honest, if i met a guy and really liked him, then he told me he was 40 and a virgin, i would be put off. am sorry to say that, but you need to know that, as i think a lot of women might feel the same. ok, things haven't quite worked out and you are still a virgin - but don't act like one, or you might stay one forever, or, worse, have to be with a woman you don't find that attractive just for the sake of losing your viriginity. find a woman you like. sleep with her. be a grown-up. and don't blow it with the virgin thing.
sorry if i sound harsh ... harsh but fair, though, i think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I didn't lose my virginity until my early 30s, in part because of my religious beliefs when I was younger, and in part because I was painfully shy around women.Provided this doesn't conflict with your religious beliefs, my suggestion would be to find a higher end escort and pay for a "girlfriend experience". Also, buy some viagra or cialis before hand in case you experience stage fright. I realize this is far from a perfect solution, but the reality is that it's probably going to be difficult mentally your first time, and this will get you through it.My first time was with a woman who was much more experienced than me. Emotionally, it was a disaster for me. Of course I was not good the first time (no offense, but you're probably going to throw some air balls your fist few times on the court, so to speak, and you might as well go into it with realistic expectations). She dumped me and went back to her ex shortly after our first time.I know a lot of people will disagree with my suggestion to hire an escort. But, you are in a somewhat uni
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female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Don't lie. Generally, people don't have a great first time. If the woman knows that you're a virgin she'll probably be more patient with you rather than being a bit put off. A woman who is worth losing your virginity with won't be freaked out, but it's unlikely that she won't be suprised, so talk her through the situation. But it should ultimately be fine.
But apart from that, you don't want a relationship based on a lie.
Because it seems to relate back to your issues, it could be a good idea to see a therapist.
Good Luck
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I dont think you should lie at all. You are who you are. The things that have happend and not happend ;p in your life, its these things that make YOU.The person who you are with, should love you for what you are. Otherwise what is the use? Since you are going through challenges, you will probably not hook up with some uberextreemesocialcrazywildlady with worlds experience (these girls maybe prefer someone more experienced), but someone more on your wavelenght.And by the time you guys are gonna have sex, you probably have established some kind of connection/relation between you. So she's there because she likes what she sees from you, which means before making a decision like that, she will think once or twice about it throughly. It shouldnt be a problem talking about it.Anyways you dont want a person that leaves you just because your a virgin right? Then it might aswell be? Atleast i believe this. If the person don't like you as you are even from the beginnig, then its not ment to be. It's simple.I personally wouldn't mind anyways, no matter of the age. Im a virgin myself. Its not what i look at in a person.And to start a relationship with a lie? If it gets serious between you, the truth will come out sooner or later, a lie will do nothing but damage to the trust.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (1 January 2011):
From a female's perspective, I would find it strange that a man of your age hasn't had sex yet. I would not condemn you for it, but I would be surprised.
I would tackle the issue as soon as possible, though. Your virginity points at unresolved issues. Having these issues as a teen is not alarming and not in your twenties either, but if you haven't been able to solve them by now, it might mean you cannot do it on your own. So try to find help so you can move forward with your life. Losing your virginity is not the root of the problem, but the social issues you're having are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Vegas is the cure :/ but social anxiety is normal where people are portrayed as perfect
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I would say that maybe that woman might be happy because you are pure and she is the first one who you are doing it with... So its not that bad... Tell her the truth and if she cant accept it then she is not worth your time... its bad if she finds out later then to find out now..
Hope I helped.... :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I would say that maybe that woman might be happy because you are pure and she is the first one who you are doing it with... So its not that bad... Tell her the truth and if she cant accept it then she is not worth your time... its bad if she finds out later then to find out now..
Hope I helped.... :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): just go with the flow, its not really that scary, so guys have told me. lol,
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): @kenny - i am 35 and still am one. i have read posts here about how a woman see a guy in his late 30s and still single/unmarried as a red flag! and i understand their view point. so how does one deal with that!
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female
reader, shiza  +, writes (1 January 2011):
hi dear, its real surprising that u are still virgin. but as a career women ,40yrs is not too old to be virgin.hope u get ur soulmate early.all the best
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (1 January 2011):
 I know that your pals are saying lie about it, but personally i would be upfront and honest about it. Otherwise ultimately you are starting a new relationship based on a lie, and that not a good way to start any sort of new romance.
If the woman is freaked out by you still being a virgin, then you have to question whether or not she is the right one for you. The right woman for you would not be bothered in the slightest that you are a virgin, or even may see it as a positive thing. I don't think that any age is too old to still be a virgin, i think you have got to stop putting to much emphasis on virgin and age and just get out there and enjoy life.
Good luck
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