A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 38 years old and have recently been getting quite close with a very very beautiful 19 year old work colleague ( I am not her boss ).She is very mature, and works part time as a fashion model. She has told me she wants a relationship. We haven't exchanged so much as a kiss, only lovely conversation and mild flirting but i feel enormous attraction to her. She has told me she feels no attraction to younger men . Whilst i would very much like to start a relationship I am worried that the age difference would cause upset to her family, harm my own professional reputation, and if the relationship did not last, then perhaps she may in future years feel i acted innapropriatly in embarking on a relationship with her when she was so young. Would i be stealing her youth ?On the other hand I read in the news every day about a celebrity marrying a woman 20 years younger...Who is right.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): go for it.. i am 25, my hubby is 42. we have been together 8 years. he doesn't look a day over 25 the lucky sod!! let us know how it goes x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): my brother in law is 15 years older than my sister. and although nothing is said about the age difference you can see it. you can feel it. my sister is "young", only 46 years my bro in law is OLD. they may love each but the age difference, and outlook in life is getting scary. now he is getting sickly as well. yes we always say age is nothing but a number, but sometimes, what a number it turns out to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): I think you're being very wise to ask this question! When I was 18, I was only attracted to older men-- I dated a guy who was 17 years older than me for about 4 years, and then married a man 20 years older than me. I also fancied myself very mature at the time! :) Our marriage lasted for 20 years, but then the age difference caught up with us-- suddenly I was 45 and he was 65. Slowly we realized that we had grown apart. I was the one who had changed-- when you think about it, there has to be something wrong with any person who doesn't do some changing between 25 and 45 yrs old! Now we'd lasted longer than most marriages these days last, and neither of us wanted children, so that wasn't a problem. But still, the age gap widened as we both got older. I also realize now that there was a bit of a power struggle in our communicating-- I think it's really difficult to establish a relationship based on equality when one of you is so much older.You'll eventually do what feels right for you, but just my opinion-- I think that 19 is way too young for anything other than a brief sexual adventure. I would also be worried about the reaction of her parents, who may very well be the same age as you (my parents were cool with it, but then they were much older than him!) And she will probably fall for somebody her own age at some point in the game. Whatever you decide, protect your heart!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): i am assuming you are not married, right?
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A
female
reader, 706aprilcakes  +, writes (27 August 2009):
Funny how I found this question. I am a mother of a 19 year old myself. She has been talking to a man that will be 32 next month. This guy has treated my daughter better than anyone she has dated. This man has already been married and has a 6 year old daughter. My daughter has been raised with morals, and values. She works and is in college. I am stuggling with this because I don't know this guy well. I have met him, and I really like the guy. My only concern is my daughter will go through more changes in her life as she gets older. I have discussed this with her, and right now she thinks she will be fine, but in the long run, I know she is going to want to do things with friends her own age. I just don't know what to think. I give her advice, and try to do the right thing, but she is an adult and has to make her own mind up. Sometimes they have to fall to see the truth, and I will always be there to pick her up. My daughter also is very mature for her age, as well as a beautiful young lady. It is really hard for a 19 year old to see into the future! They live for today, and worry about the future later, sometimes when it is to late. After saying all that i guess what I am trying to say is, right now she may be into you because yall work together, but what is going to happen as she gets older, and wants to move on because she will be meeting new men everyday! You will start having health problems while she is wanting to party and live her life, and what about children? So many things to consider. I am not trying to say it is wrong, but you really need to think about this one. Also, if you do decide to run with it, then don't worry about what the world says because you are not here to please the world. All that matters is your own happiness, and only you will know how to find it! Hope everything works out for you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Thank you for all your replies, opinion certainly seems split. For clarification, theres no thoughts of marriage. I only mentioned marriage to highlight how so many "famous men" , Rod Stewart, Robert Redford etc don't seem to face public backlash when they date and marry much younger women.
As for the maturity of the woman i am speaking about, I have only ever saw her as a woman, a beautiful and intelligent woman currently working part time with me, modelling part time and studying medicine ! She has a poise and stature that seems to make everyone notice her when she walks into a room, she is graceful, funny a great conversationalist , and is always appropriate and friendly.
I think this maturity comes from her confidence gained in modelling, the associated travel, and resposibility.
The only people who seem to dislike her are other girls in the office of her own age.....perhaps they feel threatened ? She tends to take lunch and prefer the conversation of the older married women as she obviously senses the dislike from the other girls.
Isn't that a shame? I remember the first day she started work here. EVERYONE sat up and took notice, men from other departments who we seldom see popped in for no particular reason. All the young women in the office who are normally so nice were going out to celebrate a birthday the next evening....up until now i have always thought how friendly they were because any new girl starting work would be immediatley invited to join them.......Not my girl though...she had done nothing to cause upset, and had barley exchanged more than a good morning with most of them.
But no friendly introductions, or invites to sit with them at lunch or join their evening out were forthcoming.
I look at those young women a lot differently now.
My Girl seems to rise above it though, glide through the office being graceful and polite, and continues to say good morning to those who have rejected her.
The best way i can describe her would be like one of the special stones you would pick up on the beach and take home in your pocket. Theres lots of other lovely stones, but this one just stands out above all the others.
I could keep walking down the beach and never find another stone like it.
At the moment though it takes an enormous effort not to start the relationship we both want but which I feel may be bad for us in the longer term.
I have had a good few relationships over the years, but since this woman arrived in my life I had never came across that special stone on the beach.
In some ways i think,go for it, it is better to have loved and to have lost than never to have loved at all.
On the other I think I shouldn't go there bcause i just don't think any other woman could ever measure up to her again if the relationship ended ( as most people think it inevitably would ) that would confine me to a life of lovless misery !
Your guidance and thoughts would be appreciated.
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (27 August 2009):
 She asked you so go for it, not every male who has a relationship with a younger woman is a dirty old man, and you certainly don't seem to be.
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A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 well.. i think you'd better think over it again. You are 38 and she' 19..it can be many problems in it, though i believe many relationships with long age difference work out.
wheh I was 27, i had a boyfriend (now ex) 42 years old. That's true he tried hard to understand me..my relationship was 1.5 years with him. But after a year, the conflicts happen..i felt like he didnt love me enough. One of fight was sometimes silly (i said it silly after 5 years later LOL!), like..he said he couldnt pick me up one day on the train station after i was back from business travel.i was very upset. Or when he asked me to join with his friends (they are average 40s), i felt uncomfortable as well cos i didnt know what topic i wanted to talk to..(gee ..i am only 27 yo!)
and many more!
So, i guess Danielpew & sweetchild is right.. you have to consider the stage life of your prospected partner. That's good if she's mature..but you need to prove it first, before thinking about the future..
by the way, my bf now is 3 years older than me. I feel so comfortable getting along with his friends & life :)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): I disagree with Danielepew. I think you should go for it, but, speaking as a 23 year old who wants a relationship with a 41 year old man, I may be slightly biased. I have thought about what happens in 20 years time, as I’m sure your girl has too. There are many things that can go wrong in any relationship in 20 years time… an age gap may or may not become a problem, just as the way neither of you likes doing the dishes may or may not become problematic. She is mature enough now to want a deeper more fulfilling relationship than a man her own age can share with her, so why not trust her judgement in deciding what she wants?
If her family sees that you make her happy then they should (hopefully) be fine with that. My mum completely approves of my 41 year old. We worked together too (my contract has since ended) and our boss didn’t care (apart from having more respect for him lol). It was a bit of a scandal with the 30-40 year old women, but who cares. It’s your personal life not theirs.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 I was tempted to "speak in legal terms", but then I thought no one would understand. So, in plain terms, the law can't do anything against you. She's of full age (and bosom, apparently), and so are you. No harm done here.
On the other hand, my personal opinion (as if I could give somebody else's opinion) is that maybe it would be wise not to get involved with this girl. You just need to think what life was like when you were 19. I bet it was VERY different. You need to have someone who will be in approximately the same stage of life and will really understand you.
Maybe you could stay married to her, say, until you were 60. By then, she'd be 41. I don't think that would be a happy age gap.
In non-legal terms: I think you shouldn't do this. But you're a free man.
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