A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last weekend was the worst weekend of my life. I went to a concernt Friday and Saturday night (same band). I have been in contact with one of the crew guys and we were going to get together after the shows. Friday he ditched me, no biggy because I has having too much fun with my friends. Saturday he found me at the show and told me that he was really sorry that we didn't get together the night before, but he had to do some stuff and he couldn't get away. After the show on Saturday we went to our friends hotel. It was the same hotel as the band/crew. The guy got a hold of me and we went to his room. Before I knew it I was having sex with him. Yes, I had been drinking but I still knew what I was doing. To make things worse he didn't use protection and I didn't stop him. When he was done he treated me so cheaply. I can't get the images out of my head. I feel used, dirty, cheap, and ashamed. Plus, the worst thing is I know he will never call again and I want him to. I feel like such an idiot to believe that he might have actually found me attractive and wanted to be with me; he just wanted a female. What do I do? How do I get over this? How do I stop wishing for a call from him(even though he was a jerk)? How could I be so stupid and nieve? Please help me. I feel so lost and sick...
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (10 September 2009):
 Original Poster,
I was out of town and I did receive your PM but for some unexplained reason I have tried to respond for the past two hours without success. Maybe you deleted your account. Or it may be because I am working with a very slow internet connection.
Regardless of the reason I will be more than happy to help you again dissect your message to me. Thats what I am here for, as all the Aunts and Uncles are.
You need our help, and in this case you are very deserving of my compassion.
And Im really sorry for the delay as I was gone. I will repost my website address on my profile page should you feel the need to contact me. I will do anything I can to help.
Just remember you did nothing wrong
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): ita a good thing that you feel stupid! because next time, you will remember how stupid you feel now and you wont make this mistake again.
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A
female
reader, linz09  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Hi firstly I would get a check up for STD's and hopefully you're on the pill as you will need to check that too...but I wouldn't feel cheap or bad or anything else, you probably knew this encounter wasn't really going to develop into a serious relationship or anything of deep importance..so why beat yourself up about. What happened has happened so move on, forget about him and put this incident down to experience.Next time please look after yourself both physically and emotionally by meeting a guy who respects you.All the best :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering my questions. It has been a weight lifted of my shoulders being about to get it out. I guess I just need to learn how to forget it and move on. Thanks again it has really helped me!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (27 August 2009):
Young Lady you have nothing to be ashamed of. Really you don't. And I am not blaming you at all. Really that crap happens alot.The Rock and Roll Lifestyle lends itself to the objectification of women. Roadies usually get better tail than the acts because the acts are flush with women as it is. Us roadies are very adept at talking girls out of their clothes. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG SWEETY!!! Really!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who answered my questions.I do want to explain a couple of things. I know this guy did not take advantage of me. I know I put myself in the situation. When I left the bar I guess I was drunk enough not to think about it what was going to happen; caution goes to the wind. I met him awhile ago and he seemed nice. I have had a couple bad relationships and it was nice to finally have a guy pay attention to me again; I got selfish and wrapped up in the moment. But, I am not a groupie and I have never done something like this before. I don't get off on meeting famous people and I didn't want to meet the band he was with. I am not blaming him... I blame myself. I blame myself for ending up in his room, in his bed, and naieve to believe that he would call me again. I just feel so low and I don't know how to forget it and move on. It is just so hard to face people cause I feel so nasty and I feel like they know by looking at me. Truth is I can't tell anyone about this. They would be disappointed in me, mad at me, etc etc which is why I came to the internet. As far as the doctor things go. I have an appointment next week to get checked. Within 15 hours of the event I took the morning after pill. I just feel stupid...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Let the past be just that.I'm gonna be real honest here, your shame should'nt be in what happened instead it should be in the fact that you WANT him to call.You sed he made you feel cheap and even described him as a jerk and yet to a certain extent you want him to call. If you stay like this, its very likely another jerk like him will come by. You're more than that and don't forget it. So if that bastard calls tell him to go fuck himself!...seriously though, GOD bless and good luck
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (27 August 2009):
Young Lady,
I worked as a roadie in the 80's. Sadly part of the tradition of many a crew is simply to get hot chicks in bed with the promises of meeting the band, etc.
The intention is simply to get YOU in bed and get another notch on his belt. Admittedly I wasn't always on my best behavior either back in those days. No excuses, it's just a rule of the game.
Yeah the fact you did'nt use protection is and can be shaky. Simply because road crew are not the most sanitary lot on the planet( I worked for Motorhead and King Diamond, so you can imagine what kind of debauchery we were up to...protection was the LAST thing on our minds) and the fact that Im sure this guy has bedded women on just about every stop on the tour.
Get yourself checked for an STD, and as long as everything checks out just realize that it has happened before, and it will happen again to some other girl in another town this weekend. You did nothing wrong.
Im sorry it happened, but in fact he will never call you, and I'll be honest here, he will treat most women on tour like dirt.
Just chalk it up to a bad experience and as long as you are healthy, let it go. Dont be too hard on yourself.
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Hey there,
You're not the first to make this kind of mistake so don't beat yourself over it. You made a big mistake and yes, you were naive to think he wanted you when off course he only wanted sex.
I think you should take time to examine how this happened and ensure that it never happens. You have to forgive yourself for what you did. Don't expect a call from him, you don't deserve one, and besides he probably does this all the time, so forget his call. A call from his type means nothing.
Just make sure you're not pregnant and that he didn't give you anything.
We've all been done that same road. I lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew, and we didn't use protection either. I gave myself a hard time about it, but eventually decided to let it go and become a better person for it..
You're not the first, but make sure this is the last time.
K.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): It's really not that bad. The important thing is that it sounds like you've really learnt from this mistake. In time, you'll stop wishing for him to call. At least you realise what a jerk he is! Everyone makes mistakes.
On more practical matters - are you on the pill? If not, you need a pregnancy test. You also really need to go to the doctor and get tested for STDs, especially because he sounds like someone who does that kind of thing a lot. Don't feel embarrassed about going to the doctor for the tests, they won't be judging you and they see this kind of thing happen to women all the time.
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