A
female
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anonymous
writes:32 y/o virgin in r'ship. my b'f knows i am, we have tried to have sex in the past altho it took me abt 6months to tell him. becos of me my b/f now hasnt had sex for over 1 yr, we argue alot i think lack of intimate is a big issue as we were drunk last weekend and he said some nasty stuff abt me being a virgin, ive never heard that from him before as hes always told me not to worry about it. The next day he was sorry said he didnt mean it. Is he frustrated? he's rubbish at talking and im not much better. but he did say (when he was drunk) hes not intimate no more cos he knows it wont go anywhere, and i agree with him. He does love me and tells me all the time, and hes not strayed or nothing, but why stay with 'the virgin' surely its better for him to date someone else who can put out. He said hes never been out or slept with a virgin before, so i guess in theory he doesnt know how seduce me (if u like) and i dont know what i like. Im a loser at sex and it tends to cause me pain on the odd time we have tried. I envy everyone who can have sex, cos ive missed out and lost many b'fs in the past cos of me 'the virgin' i detest being one xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Hey! I just turned 32 and recently lost my virginity (at 31)to my boyfriend of two years. I felt a little like you. I kinda wanted to save myself until marriage but I knew that wasn't coming any soon because we are kinda broke. I thought about it and it's not like I had an urge to have sex but I figured that at my age there was no point (but religious) in staying a virgin. I felt like everyone had this opportunity to enjoy sex and were more blessed than I because of that. I got tired of picturing it, of thinking about how would it be. I hated the fact that nothing was going my way and that I had to wait until everything was perfect to get married and only then I would know what it was like. I also felt very envious of my little cousins because I knew they had lost theirs at a young age and felt they were like more women than I. It did hurt but it wasn't the end of the world. Some people say that as women get older the process of losing the virginity gets more difficult (it hurts more) You have to want the penis to get into your vagina and you have to accept that it's going to hurt a little. Trust me, once it gets inside and out the next time will be like your first, because it's "the first time it doesn't hurt that much" the one that you are going to really enjoy. We really tried for like six times, and I believe the seventh was "the one". It was the one I really enjoyed. And you know what? I'm a changed woman. Loosing my virginity was a boost to my self esteem. Now I don't envy my married friends or my little cousins. Believe me, I never, ever thought I would do this before marriage, but I'm glad I did it with someone extra special. It's your decision. This is something so important for you that you should only do it when you are ready. Do not succumb to pressure because this is something important for us that have waited for sooo long. As a christian I have to say that sometimes I feel a little guilty because God created sex only for marriage. But it's still our decision. Hope to help a little.
A
female
reader, mum2be +, writes (30 March 2007):
Why on Earth do you hate yourself for being a virgin? You are very lucky to have a bloke that respects you enough to go without sex! You say you have tried, but that it hurts... I am sorry to say it, but the first time always does hurt (unless you are one of the lucky few)... and will hurt for a couple of times afterward, but is one of those things that the more you do it, the more you love it!
But, being intimate does not always need to involve sex... a lot can be accomplished by just fooling around... touching and kissing eachother etc...
you dont need to think bed = sleep or sex!... your bed should be a positive haven where you go to have fun (and yes, as a teenager, i do consider sleeping fun!). You will also find that the more foreplay you have before sex, the wetter you are and therefore the more lubricated you are... this will ensure sex does not hurt so much.!
all the best, and please don't be ashamed of yourself!
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Right, I honestly dont know why you're a virgin (when you said you've tried it before!), and whether being a virgin is a self inflicted decision, or is sex something you'd rather do when you get married. But if you're planning to stay a virgin because you dont enjoy sex, I think thats rather unfair for your boyfriend and you need to let him make the decision. If its something youd wanna do but that its just because youre not married, then theres nothing to feel guilty about, but still do tell him. Either way, you said you've been honest to him about it all, so thats good.
Yes, Im sure hes very frustrated sexually but the fact that he's still with you proves that he does love you dearly. Whatever it is, you need to sort your sex life out (or the lack thereof) with your boyfriend. He needs to know from you that if its just a waiting for you to be ready thing, or are you going to be a nun thing. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Only you can decide when you want to lose your virginity, and you say it causes you pain when you've tried. So you must want to lose it. Right?
Have you ever experimented with sex toys, i.e. vibrators or dildos? That might be a start. People who have never gone swimming before, don't normally jump into a middle of a lake. . . they go about it gradually. They practice in shallow water, learning to breath, learning the strokes, and relaxing. Sex is a lot like swimming. You need to learn the strokes (what feels good), how to move (how to stimulate yourself and your partner), and how to relax (it isn't brain surgery). There are tons of books on the subject. Read about it. Practice pleasing yourself in the privacy of your own home. Pretty soon, you'll be ready for prime time! LOL.
You can't be a loser at sex if you've never experienced it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Your boyfriend obviously loves you and has respected you, he has not strayed and he does not want to go with someone who puts out (as you stated), he is scared of getting intimate with you because he obviously would like it to go further...
Yes, it does hurt at first but becomes very pleasurable, you know your body so let him know what you like he loves you, you really need to tell him your scared thats normal...
He does know how to seduce you but he is scared your going to reject him, tell him your fears he will understand I promise....
Don't envy everyone else in life because they can have sex
, so can you...
You have not missed out you have saved yourself for the right guy and good for you, just relax if you love him and he loves you nature will take its course, but talk talk talk let him know your fears, HE LOVES YOU
Good luck babes,
Let us know how you get on
Donna xx
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