A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this is going to sound stupid, but I just turned 23 and I feel old. I remember being a pre-teen, looking up to all the twenty-somethings and wishing for time to speed up so I could move out, and do all the things adults are allowed to do. Now that I am I wish I was younger because back then I had everything in front of me. I was bullied pretty badly at highschool and slacked off, messing up my grades. Where I come from, we work with levels and at the level I was at teachers were pretty much implying we would never amount to anything. So I left highschool with no clear image of what I wanted to become or do. I was just happy it was over. Also, my family has been one with poor health ever since I can remember (mom has ALS, dad is a heart patient and my brother has Down syndrome and other problems) and I've always lived at home in this really remote village because I felt I couldn't leave them alone. I went to college (we work with levels so this would be classified as medium level) and after completing it in 4 years (and discovering the course just wasn't for me,) I went to a higher level college for a communication study. I'm at the 3rd year now.Now at 23 I hear all these 18 year old yapping about living on their own, their social lives, boyfriends, etc. and I missed out on all that. I've never had a real relationship because I was always too busy with school (I needed to catch up) or taking care of things at home and I still am. I know it's going to sound egocentric, but I feel stuck in a rut. I want to move out, get a car, fall in love, you know...the usual. I want to be able to decide on a whim that I'm going to visit a friend instead of having to arrange and discuss it with my whole family. I love them but I fee like I'm suffocating. I catch myself being nostalgic thinking of the days when I had time wholly on my side. I was talking to my mom about saving money so I could take a course abroad and learn a new language and she said "You're not young anymore. You'll be the oldest student there. Now if you were 18..." But I'm not. 18 anymore. I'm 23 and time is flying past like a high speed train and I'm the person who missed it. Sorry for the long rant, but I need to get it off my chest. Any insight is welcme and very much appreciated.
View related questions:
bullied, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): I feel exactly the same! (Although I'm 21)...I worked my ass off in high school, missing out on all the social aspects of life, to get into a good university...Then I had to work my ass of in university to keep a scholarship, again missing out on life and yet I still haven't been able to land a job, move out my family's dysfunctional house, and start living! I feel like i'm just spinning my wheels, in a rut like you!
The thing that gets to me the most is that people who used to party like crazy in high school are living comfortably and the people who used to slack off in university are also living comfortably - it's like the harder you work, the less life gives you! When the hell is it my turn!?!?!?!
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Umm, I picked up and left at 25 to do my Masters in Scotland.
23 is so young! There is a whole world out there and more opportunities than if you were 18.
My friend who speaks four languages picked up her third at 23 and now at 25 is learning her fourth.
My guy friend finished up in the army at age 25. Without any college education went to university and started from scratch. Got into Harvard Medicine and graduated at age 33.
My other acquaintance is 28 and studying to go to law school - not in yet, but hoping.
I'm 28 and now applying for more school. I'm also picking up another language. I didn't start traveling (because of a controlling boyfriend who didn't want me to) till I was 24 about to turn 25. Now I've been everywhere including egypt, Jordan, Guatemala, Europe...etc...
I have countless of example of people who do all types of things at ANY point in their life. 23 isn't even old, its when people START doing things. You're right there! But, you're spending your time looking back rather than forward, thus wasting time.
Your family is fine - you need to create a plan and stick to it. Inform them and go do it. Lots of ways to travel on the cheap (look at geckos travel, tucan travel), lots of international courses you can take (look at universities in the UK which are very open to international students), try apple languages (you can study a language on the cheap anywhere in the world). Also, look around in your community - exchange programs through your university, trips to other cities, apply for jobs elsewhere.
There is so much to do, 23 is a GREAT age to start. Its when I started and its where the majority of the people I know started to flourish and do interesting things.
So, toss that negativity away and start looking FORWARD NOT BACKWARDS. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is what you make of it :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (5 February 2011):
23, old??? Are ya serious, girl? Sweety, you have your whole life in front of you! The key to breaking out of your rut is YOU. Stop checking in with mommy and daddy (or whomever comprises "the whole family") and start living your life on your terms. If you do that, you'll never really feel old. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Seriously... what do you think you can't do at 23 that you could do when you were 18?? If anything, you can do more!
If you feel you're in a rut then stop whinging about it and flippin' do something about it! Do something you haven't done before, go somewhere you've never been, do something that scares you!
It's easy to get out of a rut once you adopt a positive attitude and instead of focusing on how much time you've used up, focusing on how much time you've got left... which is a LOT!
Many people would kill to be your age!
...............................
|
